Anonymous wrote:I will encourage elopement. Weddings are a huge waste of money. I’d gladly pay for a nice honeymoon and a down payment a down payment for a starter home.

We’re thinking: “Congrats on your engagement! Here’s $100,000.” End scene.

Anonymous wrote:I have already told my kids that we will not have a wedding where there is a limit to the number of guests we (DH and I ) can invite to the wedding and reception. Since DH and I will be paying for it that should not be a problem. I will also want to have some special events before the wedding that has a great ritual significance to my beliefs. I am ok with keeping those small and for the family only.

My kids are ok with it.

My mom told me all her plans for my wedding. They weren’t things I wanted. I just silently decided I would pay , tell her nothing about the planning, and just give her and my dad an invitation. So that’s what we did. DH and I had a great time at our wedding. I don’t really care whether my mother did.

This thread cracks me up. We are planning a wedding for our daughter this fall. My daughter is doing most of the planning, we - her parents - are paying for the wedding.
We are inviting friends as are the groom's parents. A wedding is an opportunity for family - and friends - to wish the couple well. It is a chance for friends to celebrate the union.

Everyone's wedding is different. For some, it is only for the bride's and groom's friends. For others, it is a more family celebration.
OP - your children will make friends in school, in college - if they go, and at work. If your children are anything like my children, there will be no shortage of guests. The problem will be deciding who NOT to invite.

Anonymous wrote:I have already told my kids that we will not have a wedding where there is a limit to the number of guests we (DH and I ) can invite to the wedding and reception. Since DH and I will be paying for it that should not be a problem. I will also want to have some special events before the wedding that has a great ritual significance to my beliefs. I am ok with keeping those small and for the family only.

My kids are ok with it.

And how old are your kids? How they feel about it could change drastically between now and when they meet their future spouse, especially because their future spouse may have feelings about the wedding too.

We were married young, but paid for it ourselves at 25. We couldn’t afford parents friends. My in laws tried for 10 couples but we frankly couldn’t afford it. In the end they got 2 and my parents had none. We had huge families and still had a 90 person wedding. My in laws gave us $300 for the whole wedding to pay for our rehearsal dinner. Instead of helping us with the wedding my parents paid for their sides’ hotel bills which were like 7k.

I don’t think parents friends belong at a wedding. It about the coupe.

Anonymous wrote:I have already told my kids that we will not have a wedding where there is a limit to the number of guests we (DH and I ) can invite to the wedding and reception. Since DH and I will be paying for it that should not be a problem. I will also want to have some special events before the wedding that has a great ritual significance to my beliefs. I am ok with keeping those small and for the family only.

My kids are ok with it.

How nice of you to make your kids' wedding all about you.

I have already told my kids that we will not have a wedding where there is a limit to the number of guests we (DH and I ) can invite to the wedding and reception. Since DH and I will be paying for it that should not be a problem. I will also want to have some special events before the wedding that has a great ritual significance to my beliefs. I am ok with keeping those small and for the family only.

My kids are ok with it.

Anonymous wrote:I will encourage elopement. Weddings are a huge waste of money. I’d gladly pay for a nice honeymoon and a down payment a down payment for a starter home.

Some of us can pay for all of this.

I understand your question, OP, even if most others don't. I think weddings have changed. It used to be that parents hosted the wedding and rehearsal dinner, and the wedding was mostly about them "giving away" their children to each other. Weddings have evolved quite a bit, and now, even if the parents are the ones paying, the event is more about the couple (as it should be).

My sister and I got married 18 years apart and I even saw the change in dynamic there. My parents paid for both of our weddings but my mom planned my sister's entire wedding, while my sister kind of helped (she picked her dress, she picked the flowers from the florist my mom found, my mom made the guest list and asked my sister who she wanted to invite, etc...) whereas, my mom helped me plan my wedding, I asked my mom to give me her guest list to add to my own, etc...

I bet when our kids get married, they'll be paying for their own wedding, inviting their own guests, etc...

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are paying for the wedding, you shouldn't put it on your kids to invite your friends. It's their wedding, about them, not you. Even if you are paying, it's a fast way into Monster-In-Law to try and stack the guest list.

To answer your question - your kids are inviting their friends and extended family who they want to their wedding(s). YOU aren't inviting anyone, unless your kids also want them there.

This. It has nothing to do with you.

I’m getting married this year and we have about 20 of our parents’ friends coming as well as extended family they wanted invited. Didn’t bother us since they are helping pay and the more the merrier IMO.

Well I’m Indian, so weddings are a “big tent” affair and parents’ close friends and the entire extended family are certainly invited. Of course, if my kids want to have more intimate weddings, that’s totally their call. I hope they’ll at least invite family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will encourage elopement. Weddings are a huge waste of money. I’d gladly pay for a nice honeymoon and a down payment a down payment for a starter home.

Not your call.

“Encourage” not force or hold hostage to do as told

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are paying for the wedding, you shouldn't put it on your kids to invite your friends. It's their wedding, about them, not you. Even if you are paying, it's a fast way into Monster-In-Law to try and stack the guest list.

To answer your question - your kids are inviting their friends and extended family who they want to their wedding(s). YOU aren't inviting anyone, unless your kids also want them there.

Hold on a second! You all are telling me your parents did not invite their friends and your relatives to your wedding?

Maybe, it's because I met DH when I was 19 and we got married when we were 23 but both of our parents invited their relatives, some friends of theirs and we invited our friends as well. Maybe we were too young to know but half of my family tree was there, some who I had never met before. This is mind blowing!

Sigh. The younger you are, the more parents will want to invite their own friends, particularly if they're paying and helping to organize as well. My parents invited a couple of their friends when I got married at 23, but I knew them from my childhood, and it was fine. It's gauche to "stack the guest list" , as PP put it. Do NOT do that to your kids.

Anonymous wrote:I will encourage elopement. Weddings are a huge waste of money. I’d gladly pay for a nice honeymoon and a down payment a down payment for a starter home.

I totally agree.