Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 17:09     Subject: Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
Anonymous wrote:"I'm keeping our schedule open this summer, so I can't commit to any carpools - sorry!"


This is what I say or we aren't going directly home most days so it makes carpooling difficult.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 17:07     Subject: Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
Why do some woman have such a difficult time saying no? (I'm a woman by the way). Just a simple "unfortunately a carpool just isn't going to work out this summer. But james can't wait to see charlie at camp!". You don't need to come up with excuses
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 17:06     Subject: Re:Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
“Hell to the no. I am not driving your snotty, dirty, whiny kids around every day to and from camp. Even for money, I don’t want to do it because I find you and your kids annoying. Also, I have better stuff to do.”

Love, Mrs. Poo
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 17:01     Subject: Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
Anonymous wrote:No, thanks. We aren't planning to carpool.




+1 simple and no misunderstandings.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 16:55     Subject: Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
What do you mean put out feelers? They asked or they didn't. Easiest way to say you're not interested. "Sorry that won't work for us this summer". Really not that difficult. No explanation, no excuses needed, just say no.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 16:15     Subject: Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP the point of carpool is to reduce (not increase) the number of times you need to drive your kid. Most people who carpool do so because on balance, driving the other kids is more than balanced out by the days off driving duty.

That said, with the pandemic, if that's the reason you don't want to carpool you could say you aren't carpooling yet.


Defending OP, I know this is the point, but in actuality, there are many working parents who have so many reasons why they can't uphold their end of the carpooling bargain. It isn't always the case, but frequently the carpooling ends up less 50-50 and more 75-25 with the working parents almost inevitably the 25. I'm a working parent and I've had many working parents try this stunt on my. They text me at the last minute that their boss blah-blah-blah and can I go and pick up the kids. They think that because my job is flexible that it is easier for me to go and pick up "all the kids" than for them to get out of their work commitment. Sorry, not playing that game. I'll take care of my kids and make my own arrangements. I'd rather go everyday, schedule it so that I know what my schedule and commitments will be like than to make plans and have a disorganized other parent keep making me look disorganized for having to make frequent last minute changes to my schedule to accommodate them.

Yes, I know that not every parent is like that, but enough of them are that it discourages many of us from trying to find normal equal carpool duties with responsible parents for fear of ending up with the irresponsible ones.


I agree with this. I work hard to hold up my end of the bargain on carpooling but not everyone does. I only agree to these sort of arrangements with parents I know well who are responsible and who work hard not to let the bargain become too lopsided. It has worked well with people I trust.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 16:12     Subject: Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
Anonymous wrote:You should say that you can't commit to carpooling but can recommend 5 other moms who might be interested and have asked you (set those moms up with each other and then step out of it!).


PP here. Also, "I’ve been tested by five (5!) moms asking me if my kids will be attending again this summer, including one of DS’s best friend’s mom, so I know the question is coming" does not mean they are going to ask you to carpool. I ask my kids' friends' parents the same thing every year but it is so I can tell my kids that so-and-so is going to camp with them and they get more excited to go. I have never asked to carpool. Same thing for spring break camps and other breaks. That question doesn't lead to car pooling necessarily - they might just want to know who else is going to be there.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 16:09     Subject: Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
You should say that you can't commit to carpooling but can recommend 5 other moms who might be interested and have asked you (set those moms up with each other and then step out of it!).
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 16:04     Subject: Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
"Thanks for reaching out, but we won't be doing carpools this summer."
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 16:00     Subject: Re:Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
You can say what a mom told me once - "we don't do carpools".
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 15:57     Subject: Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
Don’t be kind. Be clear.

All the other responses are too wishy-washy. Pushers will keep pushing, and other people might go away but will be confused. Just be clear.

And the question might not come - I asked a few friends if our kids were going to be in camp together but have no intentions of asking for carpooling.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 15:56     Subject: Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP the point of carpool is to reduce (not increase) the number of times you need to drive your kid. Most people who carpool do so because on balance, driving the other kids is more than balanced out by the days off driving duty.

That said, with the pandemic, if that's the reason you don't want to carpool you could say you aren't carpooling yet.


Defending OP, I know this is the point, but in actuality, there are many working parents who have so many reasons why they can't uphold their end of the carpooling bargain. It isn't always the case, but frequently the carpooling ends up less 50-50 and more 75-25 with the working parents almost inevitably the 25. I'm a working parent and I've had many working parents try this stunt on my. They text me at the last minute that their boss blah-blah-blah and can I go and pick up the kids. They think that because my job is flexible that it is easier for me to go and pick up "all the kids" than for them to get out of their work commitment. Sorry, not playing that game. I'll take care of my kids and make my own arrangements. I'd rather go everyday, schedule it so that I know what my schedule and commitments will be like than to make plans and have a disorganized other parent keep making me look disorganized for having to make frequent last minute changes to my schedule to accommodate them.

Yes, I know that not every parent is like that, but enough of them are that it discourages many of us from trying to find normal equal carpool duties with responsible parents for fear of ending up with the irresponsible ones.


Ive been in a gazillion carpools and have never experienced a working parent like this.

Anyway... what I have found is most people are very unorganized and can't remember the schedule and I'm constantly dealing with texts... "who's picking up today"... "what time is pick up again" "can you switch Monday and Wednesday, did I say wednesday, i meant Thursday... Thursday... do i pick up today?

This is what I found annoying, some people are just unorganized and I can't take texts during my day because i'm busy... if your too flighty to make a calendar, i can't carpool with you.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 15:55     Subject: Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If they ask, can you say "I'd love to but we our mornings are chaotic and we often don't go directly home after camp so I can't commit to a regular carpooling schedule. I know [insert your child's name here] will be thrilled to play with [insert other kid's name here] at camp though!!


I have kind of poor social skills but an answer like that is always confusing to me, because half of it is yes and half is no. It sounds like they want to so maybe it’s an invitation to problem solve?

Just say “I’m so glad they will be together. Carpooling doesn’t work for us, but Larla will look forward to seeing Hortense at camp!


Yes, this please. Be clear. A “no, cannot do it this summer” is completely fine and clear.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 15:52     Subject: Re:Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
We can't carpool because we won't always be coming from and going to our home.
Anonymous
Post 04/05/2021 15:51     Subject: Kindest way to articulate that I’m not interested in carpooling?
Anonymous wrote:OP the point of carpool is to reduce (not increase) the number of times you need to drive your kid. Most people who carpool do so because on balance, driving the other kids is more than balanced out by the days off driving duty.

That said, with the pandemic, if that's the reason you don't want to carpool you could say you aren't carpooling yet.


Defending OP, I know this is the point, but in actuality, there are many working parents who have so many reasons why they can't uphold their end of the carpooling bargain. It isn't always the case, but frequently the carpooling ends up less 50-50 and more 75-25 with the working parents almost inevitably the 25. I'm a working parent and I've had many working parents try this stunt on my. They text me at the last minute that their boss blah-blah-blah and can I go and pick up the kids. They think that because my job is flexible that it is easier for me to go and pick up "all the kids" than for them to get out of their work commitment. Sorry, not playing that game. I'll take care of my kids and make my own arrangements. I'd rather go everyday, schedule it so that I know what my schedule and commitments will be like than to make plans and have a disorganized other parent keep making me look disorganized for having to make frequent last minute changes to my schedule to accommodate them.

Yes, I know that not every parent is like that, but enough of them are that it discourages many of us from trying to find normal equal carpool duties with responsible parents for fear of ending up with the irresponsible ones.