In my mind I think of younger me as someone who just wasn’t experienced enough to make better choices. All those mistakes added up to learning things about life and who I ultimately wanted to be. I just didn’t have the skills at the time to strategize the long game. I’m not judgemental on younger me, she is who she was.

Anonymous wrote:Thankfully no Facebook, Instagram, Twitter.
I feel for the young & foolish now—no hiding or chance to grow from past youthful stupidity

I think about that ever d*mn day. I am so grateful we didn't have social media when I was young and brash.

I did so many reckless things when I was young. I am grateful, all the time, to have survived it. The things I have serious regrets about are more like, I blew every penny I had going traveling instead of paying down debt or saving for retirement; I stayed with terrible men for much too long and it gave me some pretty deep emotional scars. I was so entitled that even when I had the most incredible opportunities, I blew them off because I wasn't in the mood and I figured something else just as good would come along.

I knock wood a million times over that I've turned out as stable and content as I have, now in my late 40s. It certainly did not have to turn out that way.

I don't regret the sleeping around, though. That was fun and, in the end, I think turned out to be pretty harmless.

I hope you can forgive yourself, OP. Maybe try writing this down into an essay, or talk to a therapist, and see why these things from decades ago are haunting you now?

Anonymous wrote:I was very idealistic as a youngster. However, in the end, I have fondness for the innocence of my youth and really no major regrets. I did not sleep around but were there people worth sleeping around with? Not really. I was not surrounded by Helmsworth brothers lookalikes.
I am also not a person who can hook up without catching feelings, so yes, I was very unsophisticated and I did not experiment sexually. I was also very prideful and could not bear to be taken advantage of by a man. I just did not trust anyone who wanted to get into my pants.

Cringeworthy moments? Oh sure. I was a small town girl with a middle-class morality and a short fuse - so I was a sort of SJW. But, I really love who I was then, and what I got out of life subsequently. Even though I laugh at how foolish and earnest I was at that time.

I mean, I'm still like what you describe in your first paragraph and don't consider it unsophisticated in the least. Also never been one to fall for flattery (even the very sophisticated kind.) Ended up with an amazing, funny, patient, salt of the earth DH (I meant at least that's his track record so far... I'm still watching, lol!)

I did experiment a bit in my youth, mostly with well read, neo-beatnik types who also worked out, lol. Caught some feelings but nothing that clouded my judgment too badly. Was fun for a while.

I was very idealistic as a youngster. However, in the end, I have fondness for the innocence of my youth and really no major regrets. I did not sleep around but were there people worth sleeping around with? Not really. I was not surrounded by Helmsworth brothers lookalikes.
I am also not a person who can hook up without catching feelings, so yes, I was very unsophisticated and I did not experiment sexually. I was also very prideful and could not bear to be taken advantage of by a man. I just did not trust anyone who wanted to get into my pants.

Cringeworthy moments? Oh sure. I was a small town girl with a middle-class morality and a short fuse - so I was a sort of SJW. But, I really love who I was then, and what I got out of life subsequently. Even though I laugh at how foolish and earnest I was at that time.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you for all of the insight! No, I never hurt anyone, nor was I ever physically hurt. And some of it, I do look at and laugh. But some I look at and think how reckless I was. I never gave any of this a thought until lately, not sure why? And, like some of you, I have friends that lived a very straight young life and wish that they would have lived a little!

I’m very hard on myself about everything. Perhaps, I need to ease up some.

Are you trying to figure out why some aspect of your life is not quite right and looking for ways to blame yourself/considering your younger days as an explanation? We all search for narratives that make sense to us because they make us feel more in control. As we age, control slips more and more so we look harder and harder. Some lose their marbles, others have mid life crises, yet others blame themselves...

Anonymous wrote:Instead of considering these regrets why not consider them lessons you learned successfully? You stopped sleeping around, you curtailed excessive drinking, you learned to act more responsibly.

We all have lessons we've learned in life. Carry forward that education and if possible, help someone else along the way with your wisdom.

Brilliant advice. Thanks!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll be blunt, in my younger days I did things that I’m not proud of. I slept around, drank too much, acted irresponsible which could have been dangerous for me- thank goodness nothing bad happened! I’mcollege educated, was brought up in upper middle class family, always have had professional jobs. But, I was kind of wild. Now I’m looking back at my life and am ashamed, embarrassed and so wish that I could do things over! I was such an idiot! I’m not super religious, but enough so that I’ve asked God for forgiveness. But, it’s really bothering me. I use to look back and laugh at some of the stories, now I just cringe!

Anyone else feel this way? And if so, how are you dealing with it? I mean, obviously I can’t redo things.

I don't understand why you are wasting time regretting this, unless you did something that seriously or irreparably harmed another person. This all sounds like run of the mill stuff quite a few young people engage in. On the flip side, there are tons of people who lead a straight laced life and reach the end of their life regretting that they did not live a little and engage in a little silliness and recklessness when they were young.

Really this sounds like your mind doesn't want you to be happy and for whatever reason you are endlessly ruminating on this stuff that happened decades ago and is irrelevant to your life.

+1

OP here, thank you for all of the insight! No, I never hurt anyone, nor was I ever physically hurt. And some of it, I do look at and laugh. But some I look at and think how reckless I was. I never gave any of this a thought until lately, not sure why? And, like some of you, I have friends that lived a very straight young life and wish that they would have lived a little!

I’m very hard on myself about everything. Perhaps, I need to ease up some.

Mistakes are the price you pay to live an interesting life.

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I was wild, I had no guidance. I even got raped and pregnant.

I really don’t have regrets.

You need therapy not God.

Try reading Eckert Tolle.

Me too. And yet, here I am! I could be dead but I am alive and thriving. A lot of people didn't make it this far I did and am grateful.

There are some things I wish I hadn't done but I am not cringing over them. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them, which I did. Some of them were harder lessons than others but I learned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I was wild, I had no guidance. I even got raped and pregnant.

I really don’t have regrets.

You need therapy not God.

Try reading Eckert Tolle.

It is sad to me that women cannot be free without being in danger.

Exactly!

We also cat “make mistakes” without guilt, can’t we just learn from our imperfect moments/days/weeks/years.

What the heck? I did not sleep around or get drunk a lot. But if nothing bad happened to you, and you had fun at the time, all more power to you! Who cares. I say this as someone who was super responsible and staid in my twenties. You had fun and got away with it! Good for you.

Anonymous wrote:I’ll be blunt, in my younger days I did things that I’m not proud of. I slept around, drank too much, acted irresponsible which could have been dangerous for me- thank goodness nothing bad happened! I’mcollege educated, was brought up in upper middle class family, always have had professional jobs. But, I was kind of wild. Now I’m looking back at my life and am ashamed, embarrassed and so wish that I could do things over! I was such an idiot! I’m not super religious, but enough so that I’ve asked God for forgiveness. But, it’s really bothering me. I use to look back and laugh at some of the stories, now I just cringe!

Anyone else feel this way? And if so, how are you dealing with it? I mean, obviously I can’t redo things.

I don't understand why you are wasting time regretting this, unless you did something that seriously or irreparably harmed another person. This all sounds like run of the mill stuff quite a few young people engage in. On the flip side, there are tons of people who lead a straight laced life and reach the end of their life regretting that they did not live a little and engage in a little silliness and recklessness when they were young.

Really this sounds like your mind doesn't want you to be happy and for whatever reason you are endlessly ruminating on this stuff that happened decades ago and is irrelevant to your life.

Anonymous wrote:Nope. I was wild, I had no guidance. I even got raped and pregnant.

I really don’t have regrets.

You need therapy not God.

Try reading Eckert Tolle.

It is sad to me that women cannot be free without being in danger.