Anonymous wrote:Making a will that specifies how the kids will be taken care of greatly reduced my anxiety about this.

Unfortunately, my anxiety is based on the fact that I would like to do this, but don't have family or friends who would take my kids. It's not a money issue, it's a "taking time away from their demanding, high-earning careers" issue. No one I know wants to do that for someone else's kids.

Anonymous wrote:Making a will that specifies how the kids will be taken care of greatly reduced my anxiety about this.

+1. With any fear like this I go to the worst case scenario and make a plan. It removes all anxiety for me. In case I die, I have a will including guardianship in case DH is dead too, life insurance, and savings for my kids. I’ve also inscribed the books I’ve given them telling them how much I love them.

This worry occasionally pops up for me, too. When it does, I make my husband tell me what he would do if I did die. It makes me feel better. I also use the worry as a motivator to take my health and safety seriously and to check in with my kids that they know how much I love them.

Basically, turn this mental worry into some kind of positive action that you can do right now.

Making a will that specifies how the kids will be taken care of greatly reduced my anxiety about this.

My mom was 50 when she died of cancer. I’m 45 now. The thought of dying when my kids are young is always in the back of my mind but I wouldn’t say I’m afraid or anxious about it. All I can do is take care of myself, go to all of my screenings, eat healthy and exercise. My DH is an awesome dad and I know my brother and aunts would step in to help DH with the kids, as would his mom. I have to trust in the fact that my kids have DH and family who love them.

I also write letters for my kids (for when they are older) and I make sure to take lots of pictures of us as a family and me with the kids. Just in case. Even if I’m fortunate to live a long life and see my kids grow up, the letters and pictures are things they will always have.

I wonder if my mom had that fear? Instead she caused quite some damage to me (not willingly) and I would have been fine without her really.
I try to remember that and not worry too much. My son is almost 11 and I am pretty sure he will survive with his dad taking care of him. In fact he would probably become more resilient as dad is pretty hands off unlike me.

OP do you have a will? This should remove the worry of what would happen in the event of your death. There is no guarantee for any of us that we have tomorrow. Do your part and trust God for the rest. That’s what I do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never think about that. I’d be fine dying tomorrow if my kids are healthy and live long lives.

I only worry about my kids.

I also only worry about my kids. That’s why the idea of me dying is so scary. I worry about them being sad, alone, not properly cared for (money is not everything)

At least in my case I have 3 kids and hopefully they will have each other

Anonymous wrote:I never think about that. I’d be fine dying tomorrow if my kids are healthy and live long lives.

I only worry about my kids.

I also only worry about my kids. That’s why the idea of me dying is so scary. I worry about them being sad, alone, not properly cared for (money is not everything)

I have had constant fear of my DS dying since he was born but never felt this for my other child. Very strange right?

I have that fear too. And I am single adoptive mom so no other parent. So what do I do?


Take reasonable precautions, get a Vaccine shot, bought life insurance, and try to give kids happy memories. My mom died when I was 40+’and that seemed too early. None of us know when we will die but that should not stop us from living

I worry about this too OP.

I also worry a lot about something happening to my dd. It would break me. I know I need to work on this one because I don't want her to sense my anxiety around this.

I’m sorry, OP. I actually have the opposite fear — living too long. Our kids shouldn’t have to put up with us past 65. I’m an old-ish parent BTW (kids at 37 and 39). Too many parents living vicariously through their kids, demanding things be done the way the did/like, and becoming increasingly and prematurely reliant on their children.

Give your kids enough space that they’ll want to come back to you, and remember, the more control you try to control things, the less control you actually have.

my parents both died young so I worry about this often. My anxiety meds are helpful for lots but not for this.

I never think about that. I’d be fine dying tomorrow if my kids are healthy and live long lives.

I only worry about my kids.