Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is commitment only defined by a marriage license? DH and I have been together for 36 yrs. We’ve lived together for 25. We have 4 kids. At different points in our relationship we’ve each wanted to get married but it’s never been important enough to either of us to do something about it. We both know that if either one of us feels the need to get married that person needs to get the license and make the appt at the courthouse. It’s not very romantic but we’ve long passed the big wedding stage.

Make sure you have legal aspects covered. If something happened to you him or kids, you do not have the same rights as a spouse. The law has provisions in so many areas for spouses. It’s not so much about the wedding but the contractual provision too.

Aren’t they essentially common law spouses at this point?

We weren’t officially married yet, but we were both committed before we moved in together. Wouldn’t have done it the other way around.

Anonymous wrote:Dated for 5 years before moving in together and honestly there was a lot of tension about getting engaged and married before that. I am impatient and a planner and DH is anxious and indecisive about oh....everything. We did get engaged a year after we moved in together, he says he would never have moved in with me if he wasn't sure about us getting married and saw moving in together as the lifelong commitment (I did too). His indecisiveness still drives me up a wall, but I never doubt our commitment to each other. Married 10 years.

Why didn’t he just propose if he knew that he wanted to get married, had already made a lifelong commitment to you, and he knew that you were anxious about it and really wanted the ring? Was he just doing it to be a jerk? To test you? Because he has some preconceived notion of the proper order of events?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who is 30 and has been living with her boyfriend over a year. They had dated at least a year before this. She wants to get married to him and their families are all for it and they’re in love. Anyone been there and had the happily ever after?

If she is not mature enough to have a conversation with the person she lives with about getting married, she probably should not do it. getting married is not the end of the trip. also I am not sure why the fact that "their families are all for it" is relevant. what is relevant is if the guy is for it or not and she can find it out by asking.

what you describe does not look at all as if they both want to get married. if this was the case, they would easily talk about it and do it. you describe a woman anxious to get married, who seems to be considering to pressure the guy into getting married (mention of both families wanting them to marry, then considering whether an ultimatum is a good idea). and a guy who probably is not sure yet. again, your lady can just ask, as long as she wants to hear the answer

I don’t know that you can expect a man to be completely honest in this situation, especially if it means breaking up with a woman he loves, or even just making her cry. It’s very easy to say that yes, you want to get married soon, you are just looking for the right ring or whatever, and to even mean it in the moment, but then to not actually follow through with it.

I dated my husband for 3 years, lived together for 2 of the 3 before he proposed. We met just before my 29th BD and we got married when I was 33.5.

I’ve seen it happen both ways, where it did work out and where it didn’t.
The ones where it didn’t, it always took the woman much too long to realize that the promises of marriage “someday” were a load of BS, and the proposal was never going to happen.
At 30, I wouldn’t go into it without an ultimatum or “an adult discussion of timelines” or whatever you want to call it. Something like, “if we are still questioning whether or not to marry in x number of months/years, then we just admit that it’s not working and go out separate ways.”

Anonymous wrote:Is commitment only defined by a marriage license? DH and I have been together for 36 yrs. We’ve lived together for 25. We have 4 kids. At different points in our relationship we’ve each wanted to get married but it’s never been important enough to either of us to do something about it. We both know that if either one of us feels the need to get married that person needs to get the license and make the appt at the courthouse. It’s not very romantic but we’ve long passed the big wedding stage.

Make sure you have legal aspects covered. If something happened to you him or kids, you do not have the same rights as a spouse. The law has provisions in so many areas for spouses. It’s not so much about the wedding but the contractual provision too.

Anonymous wrote:Dated 7 years, lived together for the last two, got married end of last year. Going through a divorce now about 18 months after our wedding. Not exactly how I wanted things to turn out.

I’m sorry to hear that.

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who is 30 and has been living with her boyfriend over a year. They had dated at least a year before this. She wants to get married to him and their families are all for it and they’re in love. Anyone been there and had the happily ever after?

If she is not mature enough to have a conversation with the person she lives with about getting married, she probably should not do it. getting married is not the end of the trip. also I am not sure why the fact that "their families are all for it" is relevant. what is relevant is if the guy is for it or not and she can find it out by asking.

what you describe does not look at all as if they both want to get married. if this was the case, they would easily talk about it and do it. you describe a woman anxious to get married, who seems to be considering to pressure the guy into getting married (mention of both families wanting them to marry, then considering whether an ultimatum is a good idea). and a guy who probably is not sure yet. again, your lady can just ask, as long as she wants to hear the answer

How old are you OP? This is like the norm these days - I know only a very small handful of couples that didn’t live together before marriage and that was mostly out of respect for parent wishes (and dumb, as they were most certainly spending the night so what’s the difference really). What is also normal is having an adult discussion around timelines.

Is commitment only defined by a marriage license? DH and I have been together for 36 yrs. We’ve lived together for 25. We have 4 kids. At different points in our relationship we’ve each wanted to get married but it’s never been important enough to either of us to do something about it. We both know that if either one of us feels the need to get married that person needs to get the license and make the appt at the courthouse. It’s not very romantic but we’ve long passed the big wedding stage.

Dated for 5 years before moving in together and honestly there was a lot of tension about getting engaged and married before that. I am impatient and a planner and DH is anxious and indecisive about oh....everything. We did get engaged a year after we moved in together, he says he would never have moved in with me if he wasn't sure about us getting married and saw moving in together as the lifelong commitment (I did too). His indecisiveness still drives me up a wall, but I never doubt our commitment to each other. Married 10 years.

Dated 7 years, lived together for the last two, got married end of last year. Going through a divorce now about 18 months after our wedding. Not exactly how I wanted things to turn out.

Moved in together, bought a house together 5 months later, engaged 3 months later.

We knew we were going to get married when we made the decision to move in together. DH said that he would not move in with me if I did not see us getting married.

Lived together for two weeks before the wedding. What can I say, the leases were up! Married 20 years.