Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:54     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You want a beach house for certain dates? Go rent one. Like a grown-up. Be grateful that MIL and DH's cousin have given you free rides this long. You entitled brat.


Wow. Struck a nerve?


Why, are you an entitled brat? Why so defensive?

There is no way to "politely" not accept MIlL's decision not to push her nephew on this, when this property is owned by MIL/nephew. Literally none of OP's business.

You want to lock down your vacation? Get out your credit card and book one.


Would you ask a grown child to pay rent on his childhood bedroom if he visited from college for a week off? Or would you tell him
to whip out his credit card? Good grief

That is a terrible analogy. It’s not even close to the situation posed.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:53     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You want a beach house for certain dates? Go rent one. Like a grown-up. Be grateful that MIL and DH's cousin have given you free rides this long. You entitled brat.


Wow. Struck a nerve?


Why, are you an entitled brat? Why so defensive?

There is no way to "politely" not accept MIlL's decision not to push her nephew on this, when this property is owned by MIL/nephew. Literally none of OP's business.

You want to lock down your vacation? Get out your credit card and book one.


Would you ask a grown child to pay rent on his childhood bedroom if he visited from college for a week off? Or would you tell him
to whip out his credit card? Good grief


If he was hounding me to set dates and make plans to use my property, when I already told him I wasn't ready to confirm? I'd certainly tell him to buzz off. If you "need to know now," get out your credit card and go book with a beach rental agent. You'll be confirmed and all set. Girl, bye.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:45     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You want a beach house for certain dates? Go rent one. Like a grown-up. Be grateful that MIL and DH's cousin have given you free rides this long. You entitled brat.


Wow. Struck a nerve?


Why, are you an entitled brat? Why so defensive?

There is no way to "politely" not accept MIlL's decision not to push her nephew on this, when this property is owned by MIL/nephew. Literally none of OP's business.

You want to lock down your vacation? Get out your credit card and book one.


Would you ask a grown child to pay rent on his childhood bedroom if he visited from college for a week off? Or would you tell him
to whip out his credit card? Good grief
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:44     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
Anonymous wrote:You want a beach house for certain dates? Go rent one. Like a grown-up. Be grateful that MIL and DH's cousin have given you free rides this long. You entitled brat.


With respect, you sound pointlessly aggressive and like someone who just doesn’t get the common dynamic of a large family sharing a summer house. Usually two elders or whatever “own” it, but everyone splits dates. This sounds typical to me, not like mooching. This board loves to hunt for ulterior motives. You need to take a step back.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:43     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You want a beach house for certain dates? Go rent one. Like a grown-up. Be grateful that MIL and DH's cousin have given you free rides this long. You entitled brat.


Wow. Struck a nerve?


Why, are you an entitled brat? Why so defensive?

There is no way to "politely" not accept MIlL's decision not to push her nephew on this, when this property is owned by MIL/nephew. Literally none of OP's business.

You want to lock down your vacation? Get out your credit card and book one.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:36     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
Anonymous wrote:You want a beach house for certain dates? Go rent one. Like a grown-up. Be grateful that MIL and DH's cousin have given you free rides this long. You entitled brat.


Wow. Struck a nerve?
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:35     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
Just tell your mil that you understand and that you will have your DH call his uncle/ nephew so she is not uncomfortable.

Your dh calls and says “ hi bill, can’t believe summer is almost here so thinking of our plans. We’d love to surprise Layla for her 16 th on July 10th. Does that work for you if we have that weekend? If not, no worries. We just need to lock in that date with you or rent something in Maine/wherever as everything is getting booked. ....How are you! A normal conversation.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:34     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you need to nail down the plan, then you need to rent a place on your own. This is not your house. It is mother in laws. She doesn’t want to create tension with the new phew by demanding a certain weekend.

Really the two families should divide the weeks early in the year and stick to that plan. But it doesn’t seem the mother in law wants to do that so there’s nothing you can do. Come up with a different plan for your kids birthday that doesn’t involve using a house for free that someone else owns and you don’t have control of.


Well, to be fair, we're not "using a house for free." We're going to the house DH has gone to every summer of his life for 50 years and helps to maintain. We're not mooching


The second DH turned 18 and was capable of getting a job, yeah he was mooching. MIL and nephew are to wonders. Full stop. You are mooching relatives. Grown-ups PAY for vacations if they want control of date/time/circumstances.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:32     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You sound so pushy and entitled. This isn’t even your house and you are trying to book a juju weekend for your daughter’s friends? Just rent another house.


What is a “juju weekend”?


July
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:31     Subject: Re:Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
We just sign up, with people having “traditional” dates like one family does 4th of July, and everyone honors that. But otherwise you just put your name down in the group calendar. It works pretty well.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:31     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
You want a beach house for certain dates? Go rent one. Like a grown-up. Be grateful that MIL and DH's cousin have given you free rides this long. You entitled brat.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:29     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You sound so pushy and entitled. This isn’t even your house and you are trying to book a juju weekend for your daughter’s friends? Just rent another house.


What is a “juju weekend”?


a magically good weekend. But there is bad juju too.

What does Juju mean?
(Entry 1 of 2) 1 : a fetish, charm, or amulet of West African peoples. 2 : the magic attributed to or associated with jujus.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:23     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
Anonymous wrote:You sound so pushy and entitled. This isn’t even your house and you are trying to book a juju weekend for your daughter’s friends? Just rent another house.


What is a “juju weekend”?
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 19:03     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
You sound so pushy and entitled. This isn’t even your house and you are trying to book a juju weekend for your daughter’s friends? Just rent another house.
Anonymous
Post 03/20/2021 18:59     Subject: Shared family beach house - how to handle politely?
I get that you are in a frustrating situation. But it is not your beach house. you are essentially using your mom's dates and she hasn't set those dates yet. If I were you I'd ask DH to see if he can make any more progress with his mom. If not, I'd pick a weekend and rent a beach house, ideally one you can cancel without losing too much money if later you can use the family house.