Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm very grateful my DH is not tolerating bigoted behavior. He's from a very white and wealthy background and until we were in a relationship didn't really have to think about these things. Now as an interracial couple and father of none-white kids he is fiercely protective and very responsive to intolerance and bigotry. That's amazing! However sometimes as a brown person it feels like the burden of these friendships ending is on me. Maybe it's totally illogical. However I'm glad to have an ally.

Absolutely not. His friend’s wife chooses to be racist, so she can deal with the fall-out from that behavior. And I would think about what issues you are personally dealing with that would lead you to believe the burden is because of you. Stop with that nonsense.

- Fellow Brown Person (married to a White Person)

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm very grateful my DH is not tolerating bigoted behavior. He's from a very white and wealthy background and until we were in a relationship didn't really have to think about these things. Now as an interracial couple and father of none-white kids he is fiercely protective and very responsive to intolerance and bigotry. That's amazing! However sometimes as a brown person it feels like the burden of these friendships ending is on me. Maybe it's totally illogical. However I'm glad to have an ally.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm very grateful my DH is not tolerating bigoted behavior. He's from a very white and wealthy background and until we were in a relationship didn't really have to think about these things. Now as an interracial couple and father of none-white kids he is fiercely protective and very responsive to intolerance and bigotry. That's amazing! However sometimes as a brown person it feels like the burden of these friendships ending is on me. Maybe it's totally illogical. However I'm glad to have an ally.

Anonymous wrote:

It is time.

Zero tolerance for the hate period.

It has gone on for way too long.

DH wants to be friends that make him accepting of their words. Words matter. Dump DH because clearly, he feels the same. There is no middle ground with racists, bigots, and idiots.

Anonymous wrote:I love how everyone wants your DH to ditch the racists DH - if the DH is not racist then yeah, don't tell your DH he can't maintain that friendship. He's a grown adult, he can make his own decisions about his friends.

That said, no you don't have to have this couple in your house, around you or around your kids.

And the people asking "how can you be friends with them?" or "he must feel the same way and not voice it!" - yeah no, you must not have that woman friend in your lives who's husbands you don't like for whatever reason. Some people are married to jerks and fall in love with them blindly. It doesn't make them bad and in fact, your DH's friendship could be a respite for the other DH. Jeez people!

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a good friend of about 20 yrs who's wife is so blatantly racist I no longer want to do couple things or playdates with her and kids. The husband is fine, although very privileged and sheltered. The wife just seems mean spirited like telling my kids and parents (who are not white) not go to a certain beach in the area because there are too many immigrants there or mentioning she didn't like her old neighborhood because black kids harassed her. My husband agrees she's awful and wants to stay far away but also doesn't want to associate with his friend anymore. I think he should still see his friend, he disagrees and feels if the friend tolerates his wife he must be the same. How would you handle this?

Anonymous wrote:

It is time.

Zero tolerance for the hate period.

It has gone on for way too long.

DH wants to be friends that make him accepting of their words. Words matter. Dump DH because clearly, he feels the same. There is no middle ground with racists, bigots, and idiots.

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a good friend of about 20 yrs who's wife is so blatantly racist I no longer want to do couple things or playdates with her and kids. The husband is fine, although very privileged and sheltered. The wife just seems mean spirited like telling my kids and parents (who are not white) not go to a certain beach in the area because there are too many immigrants there or mentioning she didn't like her old neighborhood because black kids harassed her. My husband agrees she's awful and wants to stay far away but also doesn't want to associate with his friend anymore. I think he should still see his friend, he disagrees and feels if the friend tolerates his wife he must be the same. How would you handle this?

Anonymous wrote:I love how everyone wants your DH to ditch the racists DH - if the DH is not racist then yeah, don't tell your DH he can't maintain that friendship. He's a grown adult, he can make his own decisions about his friends.

That said, no you don't have to have this couple in your house, around you or around your kids.

And the people asking "how can you be friends with them?" or "he must feel the same way and not voice it!" - yeah no, you must not have that woman friend in your lives who's husbands you don't like for whatever reason. Some people are married to jerks and fall in love with them blindly. It doesn't make them bad and in fact, your DH's friendship could be a respite for the other DH. Jeez people!