Pathetic. You've held your breath for two decades.

Avoid them. I had DH' uncle call our DS "retarded" because a 2 year old was not speaking fast enough for him. And told us to spank the child to make him more obedient, just like his grandkids.

He has not been allowed in our house in 15 years and we don't go to family functions if he's there. Our "retarded" child will start JHU this coming fall. His obedient grandkids are a hot mess with one in juvie and another one in rehab. But hey, you keep beating on them, grandpa.

You can ignore this person or be civil, whatever works better for you, but rest assured this person does not care how you feel and you should not dwell on what they did. The only person that it bothers is you.

Literally ignore.

Were you ever close? if not, just be civil. If yes, I can share what i do with my mother. She became more depressed and anxious helping take care of dad (he had lots of hired help) and I became her scapegoat. In some blowouts she said HORRIBLE things to me and was just awful, but again would not get help.

I detached. I am polite and kind, but have invisible armor around me. I keep calls and visits shorter and less frequent. I don't share anything too personal. We were close once, but the relationship eroded over a number of years and a number of instances where she could never own anything she did and said.