Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 16:04     Subject: Re:Vacations in Relationship
How old is the son?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 16:04     Subject: Vacations in Relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He should be discussed it with you. But I agree it is way too son to be inviting you on a trip with his kid.


OP here. For more context, I went on a trip with him and his son last month. And then casually mentioned the plan for the trip with him, his son, and the friends, but no mention of me going.


Maybe the son doesn't want to spend every vacation with you. You are not his mom. It's only been 6 months also. Lighten up.

That's a lot to throw on any kid, no matter the age. You aren't family yet and it will be a long time before you truly feel like family to the son.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 15:48     Subject: Re:Vacations in Relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He should have discussed with you at the very least. This would be a red flag for me.


It is a vacation with his son. Absolutely no reason to discuss with OP. He told OP about a trip next year.


+1
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 15:48     Subject: Re:Vacations in Relationship
Anonymous wrote:I’m so glad he’s prioritizing his son over you! It’s nice he’s vacationing with him alone.


Can you read? They aren’t vacationing alone. They’re going with friends.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 15:46     Subject: Vacations in Relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You guys are crazy. No need to discuss this with her after just six months, when it is a year away and involves his son. They are not married or even living together.

I am in a similar relationship and I barely even mentioned a trip I am taking this August.


Well your partner probably doesn't feel great about it either! Not mentioning the trip basically tells the other person that you don't anticipate them being a bigger part of your life a year from now. Whether that's what you mean to convey or not, that's what it seems like.

Six months is not a particularly short time to be together. Six months in you should have a pretty good idea if the relationship is going somewhere or if you're just treading water till someone better comes along.


Um, he just planned a trip next month with his friend and didn't tell me about it until after they had arranged everything. We are independent adults and don't need to ask permission.


No one is talking about needing permission. It sounds like you and your partner both lead separate lives, and that's good with both of you! It sounds like that arrangement does not work for OP, because if it did she wouldn't be on here asking about it. People can have different emotional needs, and different expectations - part of being in a happy relationship is that what you need is matched up well with what the other person wants to give.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 15:46     Subject: Vacations in Relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Being 'hurt' six months into a new relationship is a bad look, OP. It makes you appear needy and clingy. He's going with his son and friends. Not everything needs to be about you. If you don't already have friends and interests, get some.


You really think six months is new, though? Six months is not a short amount of time to be with someone. I don't think it's really fair to call someone needy and clingy for having some expectations of being included in a person's life - at least to be talked to as if you matter - six months into a relationship.

I don't know! Maybe it's an emotional mismatch in this case. I would certainly not like to be with someone for six months, and to feel like I am still an outsider to their real life. I just don't think that's an emotionally fulfilling relationship, in that case.


It depends on the relationship. I have been in ones where after 6 months we were pretty serious, but other times we took it really slowly and weren't even exclusive at that point.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 15:46     Subject: Re:Vacations in Relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He should have discussed with you at the very least. This would be a red flag for me.


It is a vacation with his son. Absolutely no reason to discuss with OP. He told OP about a trip next year.


But it’s a group vacation. Not just father son. We need to know who else is going.


Pp here. Going on a trip with friends is different than going on a trip with son and girlfriend.

I think it is good that he is prioritize his son and friends.

Op, why not try to go on a trip with him solo?

My DH just told me he is planning a guy trip in the fall. His friend is organizing. I am not invited. No big deal.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 15:44     Subject: Vacations in Relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You guys are crazy. No need to discuss this with her after just six months, when it is a year away and involves his son. They are not married or even living together.

I am in a similar relationship and I barely even mentioned a trip I am taking this August.


Well your partner probably doesn't feel great about it either! Not mentioning the trip basically tells the other person that you don't anticipate them being a bigger part of your life a year from now. Whether that's what you mean to convey or not, that's what it seems like.

Six months is not a particularly short time to be together. Six months in you should have a pretty good idea if the relationship is going somewhere or if you're just treading water till someone better comes along.


Um, he just planned a trip next month with his friend and didn't tell me about it until after they had arranged everything. We are independent adults and don't need to ask permission.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 15:42     Subject: Vacations in Relationship
Anonymous wrote:He should be discussed it with you. But I agree it is way too son to be inviting you on a trip with his kid.


OP here. For more context, I went on a trip with him and his son last month. And then casually mentioned the plan for the trip with him, his son, and the friends, but no mention of me going.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 15:28     Subject: Vacations in Relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We need more details! Is it a guys trip, a family trip, mixed (gender) friends trip, a solo trip?


A trip with him and his son. He's going with some family friends.


Then no.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 15:21     Subject: Vacations in Relationship
Anonymous wrote:Being 'hurt' six months into a new relationship is a bad look, OP. It makes you appear needy and clingy. He's going with his son and friends. Not everything needs to be about you. If you don't already have friends and interests, get some.


You really think six months is new, though? Six months is not a short amount of time to be with someone. I don't think it's really fair to call someone needy and clingy for having some expectations of being included in a person's life - at least to be talked to as if you matter - six months into a relationship.

I don't know! Maybe it's an emotional mismatch in this case. I would certainly not like to be with someone for six months, and to feel like I am still an outsider to their real life. I just don't think that's an emotionally fulfilling relationship, in that case.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 15:19     Subject: Vacations in Relationship
Being 'hurt' six months into a new relationship is a bad look, OP. It makes you appear needy and clingy. He's going with his son and friends. Not everything needs to be about you. If you don't already have friends and interests, get some.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 15:14     Subject: Vacations in Relationship
Do you have kids, OP?

I would never ask my SO for permission to take my child on vacation, and I wouldn’t invite them along. It’s extremely important for parents to have alone time with their kids. Most kids don’t want the new gf/bf tagging along.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 15:11     Subject: Vacations in Relationship
Anonymous wrote:You guys are crazy. No need to discuss this with her after just six months, when it is a year away and involves his son. They are not married or even living together.

I am in a similar relationship and I barely even mentioned a trip I am taking this August.


Well your partner probably doesn't feel great about it either! Not mentioning the trip basically tells the other person that you don't anticipate them being a bigger part of your life a year from now. Whether that's what you mean to convey or not, that's what it seems like.

Six months is not a particularly short time to be together. Six months in you should have a pretty good idea if the relationship is going somewhere or if you're just treading water till someone better comes along.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2021 15:06     Subject: Re:Vacations in Relationship
I’m so glad he’s prioritizing his son over you! It’s nice he’s vacationing with him alone.