Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks for your reply.
My husband is of the opinion that 2 adults are not needed to care for the baby. Plus he has assured me he will help with night time wakings and feedings etc, grocery shopping, laundry. he really thinks there won’t be that much to do for both parents and he can help even when he is working. I am not so sure he is right.

He is right. I took care of three by myself during the day. However, I am not a hothouse orchid and did not have children without knowing something about caring for children prior to having them. my husband bathed the oldest two at night and put them to bed. I hate helpless, hopeless women.

That’s too bad. My DH took 6 weeks off and we had a great time bonding with our baby, going for walks, chatting and connecting when our baby was napping and working as a team to take care of him.

OP it's probably impossible to predict, if you get a unicorn baby you may be totally fine and he'll feel like he doesn't have as much to do. But it's much much more likely you'll get a normal baby and you yourself will have a normal postpartum - meaning that support will be wonderful. Would you survive without it, yeah but will you be much more happy and healthy all of you if he takes the leave he has available? Almost 100%. It's also an equity issue. More dad's taking leave encourages it within companie and it's important for all. Maybe you won't "need" it as much, but maybe a guy underneath him will have a wife iwth PPD and because you husband takes the leave, he feels like he can as well. My husband took two weeks off, two weeks telework last baby and like another mom said - the transition back to work was ROUGH. granted he was not at home, that would have helped a lot. But he's taking 8 weeks this time fully off and we CANNOT WAIT. Such a relief to know we both will be able to spend time as a family and support each other.

He should absolutely take it if it's paid, no question. And all the previous PPs are right that he should plan for at least a few weeks regardless. My husband took 2 weeks unpaid. Then thankfully was working from home as he eased back into work for the next 2 weeks. I absolutely still needed his help - we had a colicky newborn who would not be put down for a nap outside of my arms for the first 6 weeks of life. He thankfully accepted being worn after that, but if my husband hadn't been there, I truly don't know how I would have eaten, used the restroom, etc. Some newborns are easy, but many are not so if your husband can be home to help take full advantage and also bond as a family.

Take it all! With my first, my husband took 6 weeks and while in comparison to many this is a lot of leave, I was emotionally not ready to be alone. Both of us were in misery for the next couple months - me a wreck trying to fill the days without crying the entire time and going on little sleep, him a wreck at work missing his baby and worried about me.

Due in a few months with #2 and husband now gets 12 weeks leave. We are beyond excited for the time to both bond with the baby, be the best parents for our toddler, and support each other into the transition of a bigger family. Being together so much might make us a little crazy, but having TWO parents at home will let us take time for ourselves as well (shopping, exercise, sleeping) we couldn’t otherwise get.

I won’t get into this because it’s been mentioned above, but we won’t have true gender equality until men have and take paternity leave - and share the work that goes into a family and home.

"Smoke 'em if you have 'em"
Take all the leave that is available would be my thinking. My kids are teens they arrived in the days before maternity/paternity leave and it was tough. I disagree with those who think along the lines of "we didn't have that when I was a parent so you shouldn't either."

I find it awful that I live in a society where so many full time workers get zero parental leave. I strongly encourage all who have it available use it fully.

Does he have to take the time consecutively? For baby 1, DH took three weeks when baby was born (you will want him there for at least a week while you are healing). Then took Mondays and Fridays for the next 8 weeks. It allowed us to spend time together as a family, I could get in naps, and it felt right. He did a similar thing for baby 2. Sometimes he did house things or mowed the lawn or cleaned the house while I had the baby so that when it was the weekend and we were together, it was family time.

He is taking 10 weeks all together for baby 3. I am back at work and he is solo with baby - I mean we are all home cause pandemic but.... It is a different experience for him this way.

If he has up to a year to take it, you might be employed by then and then not have to do daycare for many weeks longer.

I would think about being creative and using the time. It is good for him to take time to he home with his kid.

Anonymous wrote:
I have no respect for women who are incapable of taking care of their children. It is your responsibility, not you husband's. Men stupid enough to take paternity leave ruin their careers.

Then they are likely in the wrong career. One of my coworkers was promoted while out on paternity leave. Paternity leave is not a career killer and parents should take the time to bond with their children and also take care of each other.

If you have the luxury to take the time, take it! This is your baby, a new member of the family, not some chore that may or may not require 2 adults to complete.

Minimum of 2-3wks until BF is established b/c anything outside of basic bodily functions and baby another adult needs to do. Once that is done getting into a routine with a new person needs someone else so having him around more would be better especially if coparent is something you want.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks for your reply.
My husband is of the opinion that 2 adults are not needed to care for the baby. Plus he has assured me he will help with night time wakings and feedings etc, grocery shopping, laundry. he really thinks there won’t be that much to do for both parents and he can help even when he is working. I am not so sure he is right.

He is right. I took care of three by myself during the day. However, I am not a hothouse orchid and did not have children without knowing something about caring for children prior to having them. my husband bathed the oldest two at night and put them to bed. I hate helpless, hopeless women.

Well go get yourself a cookie.

My shouldn't a father spend time at home with a newborn?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks for your reply.
My husband is of the opinion that 2 adults are not needed to care for the baby. Plus he has assured me he will help with night time wakings and feedings etc, grocery shopping, laundry. he really thinks there won’t be that much to do for both parents and he can help even when he is working. I am not so sure he is right.

He is right. I took care of three by myself during the day. However, I am not a hothouse orchid and did not have children without knowing something about caring for children prior to having them. my husband bathed the oldest two at night and put them to bed. I hate helpless, hopeless women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks for your reply.
My husband is of the opinion that 2 adults are not needed to care for the baby. Plus he has assured me he will help with night time wakings and feedings etc, grocery shopping, laundry. he really thinks there won’t be that much to do for both parents and he can help even when he is working. I am not so sure he is right.

He is right. I took care of three by myself during the day. However, I am not a hothouse orchid and did not have children without knowing something about caring for children prior to having them. my husband bathed the oldest two at night and put them to bed. I hate helpless, hopeless women.

I am an incredible woman who is capable. I have a well running household. Why the f should you manage a newborn by yourself when you don’t have to? Also, men are missing out by not taking paternity leave. My husband truly enjoyed and cherished our newborns. Back in the day grandmas and sisters used to help you, but most women don’t have that and rely on their husbands.

I hate women who bully other women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks for your reply.
My husband is of the opinion that 2 adults are not needed to care for the baby. Plus he has assured me he will help with night time wakings and feedings etc, grocery shopping, laundry. he really thinks there won’t be that much to do for both parents and he can help even when he is working. I am not so sure he is right.

He is right. I took care of three by myself during the day. However, I am not a hothouse orchid and did not have children without knowing something about caring for children prior to having them. my husband bathed the oldest two at night and put them to bed. I hate helpless, hopeless women.

Why wouldn’t you take the leave you’re entitled to, to spend time with your baby if you could? I’m sorry your husband wasn’t interested in spending time with your babies.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks for your reply.
My husband is of the opinion that 2 adults are not needed to care for the baby. Plus he has assured me he will help with night time wakings and feedings etc, grocery shopping, laundry. he really thinks there won’t be that much to do for both parents and he can help even when he is working. I am not so sure he is right.

He is right. I took care of three by myself during the day. However, I am not a hothouse orchid and did not have children without knowing something about caring for children prior to having them. my husband bathed the oldest two at night and put them to bed. I hate helpless, hopeless women.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks for your reply.
My husband is of the opinion that 2 adults are not needed to care for the baby. Plus he has assured me he will help with night time wakings and feedings etc, grocery shopping, laundry. he really thinks there won’t be that much to do for both parents and he can help even when he is working. I am not so sure he is right.

He is in for a rude awakening.