Anonymous wrote:My husband has recently (last 3 or so years) discovered a relationship with God and has since felt a deep restlessness in his life. He recently started talking about feeling called to seminary, though not to become a priest necessarily. I’m wondering if anyone has any suggestions on reading I can do to best support him in this journey. He has been meeting with our priest and our priest mentioned to him that he feels my husband is being called. I’m praying for discernment and guidance and feeling....nothing.

We have a wonderful life and I’m feeling a lot of unease at the idea. We have two young children and would potentially be moving for seminary and the idea of uprooting them is central to my unease. However, I am also a Christian and believe that God will lead us where he wants us to be, but I’m not sure to how to support my husband as he discerns these feelings. Any and all suggestions are greatly appreciated.

I figure your priest feels your husband is being called for some possibly overlapping reasons:

1. He knows your family is well off enough to bear the cost of seminary.

2. He knows that seminaries are desperate for students.

3. He truly thinks your husband has a calling

OP it might be helpful to know what kind of seminary? UMC clergy, for instance, move a great deal more than Episcopalians. Your concerns are reasonable though; clergy are called where they're called and it's hard to guarantee that that won't involve moving across the country and then across the country again.

I'm not unlike your husband. I've grown in my faith as I got older and sometimes I feel like I'd enjoy seminary (I have an academic bent) but I've never felt called to serve as a priest when I think about what that looks like day in and day out. It's worth your husband thinking about whether or not he's looking to serve in that capacity, because that's what seminary is for. Seminary is a specific calling; it's not just where you go to be a serious Christian. There ARE ways to be active and serious in your faith as laity and it's worth him thinking about whether or not his calling is actually just to be more active in his church, join a lay faith organization, or become a lay affiliate to a religious community.

Also, depending on your tradition, there's a lot of clergy active on social media. I follow a lot of Episcopal priests on Twitter for instance, and it's really helped me grow as a Christian (probably the only thing about Twitter that does). It might be worth him reaching out the them for guidance if he's not ready to start whatever your discernment process looks like.

I think how you support him is that you share you concerns, honestly, remind that he already has made vows before God (to you) that he has to fulfill before he can think about taking on any new vows, but also be supportive. Praying with him about this, letting him explore the options with you, and loving him is really the best thing you can do, I think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Money is not a primary concern. We have plenty- not an exorbitant amount but enough to live very comfortably.

My primary concern at this stage is how to support my husband as he explores this. Any decision is likely a year or so away (based on when classes would begin) so we are using this time to prayer and discussion.

Okay. If you have money to burn, why not do this?

It’s no different than people who retire early and move to Costa Rica to surf all day.

No, it's a lot more like a mid-life career change, shifting to one that offers few material rewards. This isn't early retirement, by any means.

Look into it prayerfully. Figure out where the seminaries are, the application process, and how the seminarians support themselves during school. And after -- are positions easy to find or difficult? Will he also need to hold down a second job? What are the expectations of a priest's wife - parish support, or providing a second income?

I suggest asking a lot of these questions elsewhere; this isn't a great board for any question involving religion.

Anonymous wrote:I've heard that the Church is now accepting married men because of the priest shortage.

Outside of being a widower or getting an annulment, I believe the only path for a married man to become a Catholic Priest in the Latin Rite is to be an Episcopal priest who converts to Catholicism. Eastern Rite allows for married priests; the outright ban on ordination in the US for married ER priests was recently lifted, but this would be exceedingly uncommon.

Anonymous wrote:this seems like a standard midlife crisis

Anonymous wrote:First, I trust you folks are Episcopal, etc., not RC.

Second, the primary duty of a married man is as a husband and father. No authentic call to ministry can compromise or endanger those relationships and the duties they involve. 1 Timothy 3:1-13 provides insight on this. This does not mean an authentic call will never impose any burden on the rest of the family. It does, however, suggest that the burden is on the one seeking ordination to do so without managing his affairs so that his family is properly taken care of and their domestic relations are not impaired.

There are married RC Catholic Priests.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Money is not a primary concern. We have plenty- not an exorbitant amount but enough to live very comfortably.

My primary concern at this stage is how to support my husband as he explores this. Any decision is likely a year or so away (based on when classes would begin) so we are using this time to prayer and discussion.

If you have plenty of money to buy a house in another part of the country, go without income and be fine, have all the money you need for the basics of life, and you are sure this is not just a first step in him ditching you and the kids, what exactly is the worry then?
What happened to make him feel this way? Come on, you know what caused this 360 and why you are somewhat worried.

I’m worried this is a big decision for someone relatively new to a relationship with Christ and religion. We have not engaged in much formal or group bible study (due largely in part to Covid) and I am concerned that he is jumping into seminary as a means to explore that before further exhausting our options for a meaningful life of service to God and the Church outside of a degree program.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Money is not a primary concern. We have plenty- not an exorbitant amount but enough to live very comfortably.

My primary concern at this stage is how to support my husband as he explores this. Any decision is likely a year or so away (based on when classes would begin) so we are using this time to prayer and discussion.

If you have plenty of money to buy a house in another part of the country, go without income and be fine, have all the money you need for the basics of life, and you are sure this is not just a first step in him ditching you and the kids, what exactly is the worry then?
What happened to make him feel this way? Come on, you know what caused this 360 and why you are somewhat worried.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure he’s not seeking the comfort of the seminary for other, unholy purposes? Is there any suspicion that it could to establish proximity to other similarly confused male truth seekers?

This is a very valid concern and it’s hurtful you would so easily dismiss this potential with a little face as so many earthly pleasures abound that might make an otherwise even keeled man seek the company or flesh of other men.9

I apologize. The company of men, in this context, cannot be so easily dismissed.

This is an unbelievably asinine premise — that a man interested in religion must be at least secretly homosexual. To begin with, many seminaries are not exclusively open to men. It depends on the denomination. There are a variety of housing arrangements, again depending on the denomination. Any religious institution that opens priesthood to married men will be familiar with the family and other dynamics involved in training married men for the priesthood.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure he’s not seeking the comfort of the seminary for other, unholy purposes? Is there any suspicion that it could to establish proximity to other similarly confused male truth seekers?

This is a very valid concern and it’s hurtful you would so easily dismiss this potential with a little face as so many earthly pleasures abound that might make an otherwise even keeled man seek the company or flesh of other men.9

I apologize. The company of men, in this context, cannot be so easily dismissed.

this seems like a standard midlife crisis

It probably depends on the denomination, but ordinarily one does not just pick a seminary and enroll there in the expectation of being ordained by somebody eventually. There normally is a sponsoring body with its own (for want of a better word) recruitment process.

Has your husband begun that process with your denomination?

What other practical steps (joining/leading bible study; service work; worship activity beyond Sunday; spiritual direction, etc.) has he engaged in to help clarify his questions?

Because a vocation is not discerned in isolation, in one’s own head, or even in one’s own heart, but with the active partnership of the worship community in which one hopes to minister.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure he’s not seeking the comfort of the seminary for other, unholy purposes? Is there any suspicion that it could to establish proximity to other similarly confused male truth seekers?

This is a very valid concern and it’s hurtful you would so easily dismiss this potential with a little face as so many earthly pleasures abound that might make an otherwise even keeled man seek the company or flesh of other men.9

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Money is not a primary concern. We have plenty- not an exorbitant amount but enough to live very comfortably.

My primary concern at this stage is how to support my husband as he explores this. Any decision is likely a year or so away (based on when classes would begin) so we are using this time to prayer and discussion.

Okay. If you have money to burn, why not do this?

It’s no different than people who retire early and move to Costa Rica to surf all day.

Anonymous wrote:So many anti-religious posts.

OP, my cousin became a permanent Roman Catholic deacon a few years ago after a decade long journey. It was not an easy thing to do, but it didn’t bankrupt them or lead him to raid his kids’ college funds. He went part-time while working. He still works full time for the State of MD. He gets the joys and giving of his spiritual calling in his other hours and still manages to coach his DDs’ sports and date his wife.

Did you read the post?

What you describe is NOT what OP’s husband wants to do. He wants to quit his job, uproot his family to a different part of the country so he can attend seminary school. No income AND simultaneously spending down their savings to finance his calling. OP is not objecting to her husband getting more involved in the church — she’s objecting to giving up her retirement account and her kid’s 529 to fund seminary school — how do you not get that???

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure he’s not seeking the comfort of the seminary for other, unholy purposes? Is there any suspicion that it could to establish proximity to other similarly confused male truth seekers?