*know ... clearly I didn't get ENOUGH rest

I had my second COVID shot on Friday, and I spent the weekend basically miserable and sleeping. I let my spouse no in no uncertain terms that I wasn't to be bothered by him or the kids unless they were checking in to see how I was.

On the one hand, it sucks that it came to me feeling like death to get through to my family ... on the other hand, I haven't slept that much in 10 years, feel totally fine today and am realizing that I'm going to need weekend breaks like this 1-2x a year going forward when I'm NOT sick.

See what your employer says... it's worth a shot.

Anonymous wrote:Smart employers will recognize that this is the path to retaining good employees who are in really trying circumstances. But, it requires the ability to think long-term.

Look at what leave you have under your current terms, make a plan to take it, get approval of the plan, and stick to that plan. I did not take all my leave in 2020, but I will not be making that mistake in 2021.

If you don't have any leave, then see what you can negotiate and consider unpaid leave. Lots of employers will push back hard, but when push comes to shove, what are they going to do? Fire you? Well, then, at least you'll get a break

Another poster here. I had a previous employer who pushed back. They were just unreasonable, but it was more from a control-freak boss than from top management. I ended up taking FFCRA leave expecting I wouldn't need it past the summer. Little did we all know...

I'm now at a new org that is a lot more flexible, but I'm burned out from running back and forth between my kids' devices and my work laptop. My memory isn't what it used to be, I'm tired and moody. I remind myself every day not to get mad at my kids when they're just being kids if they distract me because it's not their fault we're all cooped up and I have to make a spreadsheet when they're asking for snack. I'm not usually like this. It's not us, the parents, it's the situation. We're being called on by schools and employers to accomplish something absolutely ridiculous. The system is broken. I pray every day the kids are back in school full time this fall. There is no way this can go on for another school year.

Yes, OP, I could have written your post. Isn't this sentiment also covered in the NYT article -- where it quotes one woman saying something like "I am half terrified that I will be fired, but I also half wish I would be". Same. We're all burned out. If there was a miracle and things went back to normal tomorrow, I think all I'd want to do is sleep for a week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Super angry about how society has just abandoned working moms. Homeschooling while working a demanding job is insane.

You don't have to homeschool. Why did you choose it?

She’s talking about supervising DL, which is honestly worse than actual homeschooling for some families.

+1 Yes, it is. True homeschooling would be done according to a family's chosen schedule, not a school's. And when it comes to younger children, DL can certainly involve additional homeschooling conducted by the parent. I'm helping my younger child maintain his reading and writing skills because his teacher on the iPad simply isn't able to accomplish what she would in a classroom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t there some sort of covid leave for this?

It expired December 31.

The mandated leave expired 12/31, but employers can take a tax credit and still offer it to their employees through 3/31. It's just voluntary now.

We also kept our FT nanny. DH is convinced that I would have left him by now had we not had a nanny.

My employer has said yes to similar requests even before COVID and is definitely not a wonky-save-the-world kind of place. I would ask for what you need. My guess if you are truly burning/burnt out it will take a month to reset.

This is why we continued to employ our full time nanny even though DH and I are working from home.

But yeah, someone at my firm needed to take 3 or 4 weeks off for some reason that was vaguely Covid related (she didn't have it) and the firm just said okay. She's not even a partner.

I know not all employers are like this but I really feel like it is so sensible even from a company’s self-interested perspective. Sure it’s a little inconvenient at the time, but you’d get back an employee that was so much more productive at the other end. And it’s extraordinary circumstances so it’s not like you have to be worried about continual asks (ie, no one is going to want to run elementary school out of the lie house ever again!)

OP can you get a neighborhood kid to come play with your kids for 2 hours outside on the weekends? Can your husband watch the kids so you can sleep in? Alternatively, maybe check into a hotel for a weekend. You and your husband could take turns doing this just for the change and to recharge.

OK, OP here, I totally did not mean to imply that the "NYT guys" are some sort of reasonable standard! Totally find it as enraging as the PPs. But we're more 65-35 over here, and the sinking fear I have is that even if I were to push to get DH to take on 10%+ more... well what if that basically makes no difference at all and I'm still fried (very likely outcome!)

And thanks too to 10:49 for that very kind dose of perspective. Yes, it truly would be scary to lose my job (both economically and because if you are in a specialized field it's hard to get back on the merry-go-round esp. if you are more senior). I really just need to sit down and figure our some concrete strategies to get time to shut my brain off. (And also agree with PP, that half-assed attempts to do a half-day or something just end up with me answering email... just at a more leisurely rate .)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A lot of this is just guilt. I don’t have it that bad - DH is a little checked out but far far from those a$$holes in that NYT article. My work is flexible & I like it. But, as one of my WAH mom friends put it, it’s not like I have an “off-on switch” for my brain for real, thoughtful, productive work. I can’t will myself “on.” And I‘m fried—like short circuited mentally back in Sept. Just been limping along for months.

I think the American concept that 'this isn't my husband' so I'm good enough - is so sad.

Why did she marry this/have kids with this/tolerate this???

WHY???

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t there some sort of covid leave for this?

It expired December 31.

Love You Back, sorry typo

I recommend “Work Won’t Live You Back.” It’s time to rebel against unrealistic work expectations.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. A lot of this is just guilt. I don’t have it that bad - DH is a little checked out but far far from those a$$holes in that NYT article. My work is flexible & I like it. But, as one of my WAH mom friends put it, it’s not like I have an “off-on switch” for my brain for real, thoughtful, productive work. I can’t will myself “on.” And I‘m fried—like short circuited mentally back in Sept. Just been limping along for months.

I think the American concept that 'this isn't my husband' so I'm good enough - is so sad.