Anonymous
02/20/2021 13:36
Subject: Dealing with rejection
Good advice in this thread OP ,+1 most all of it
Anonymous
02/20/2021 13:34
Subject: Dealing with rejection
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Realize that relationships are two-way streets. Relationships develop ORGANICALLY.
It's great that you have an expectation of closeness with your in-laws Because Family, but they might not share that same view of in-law relationships.
If you come across as pushy, clingy, needy, high-expectation, you may be turning them off.
What do THEIR cues tell you about the type of relationship they want with YOU?
If their cues tell you "We'll be cordial, but we don't want to be close," then move on and go focus on your relationship with family and friends you have a natural, organic, genuine bond with.
Life's too short to be barking up a disinterested tree.
Cordial is fine.
I guess rudeness develops ORGANICALLY also.
Anonymous
02/20/2021 06:52
Subject: Dealing with rejection
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Realize that relationships are two-way streets. Relationships develop ORGANICALLY.
It's great that you have an expectation of closeness with your in-laws Because Family, but they might not share that same view of in-law relationships.
If you come across as pushy, clingy, needy, high-expectation, you may be turning them off.
What do THEIR cues tell you about the type of relationship they want with YOU?
If their cues tell you "We'll be cordial, but we don't want to be close," then move on and go focus on your relationship with family and friends you have a natural, organic, genuine bond with.
Life's too short to be barking up a disinterested tree.
Cordial is fine.
Are they rude, or not warm? There’s a difference.
Rude is literally ignoring or turning a back.
Not warm is some small talk but not much else.
I guess rudeness develops ORGANICALLY also.
Anonymous
02/19/2021 22:14
Subject: Dealing with rejection
Truthfully I don’t visit them. They live 5 hours away. My husband can go with the kids. I like getting a break.
Anonymous
02/19/2021 22:00
Subject: Dealing with rejection
Anonymous wrote:Rejecting a relative is rude. Ignoring someone is rude. Deliberately not including someone is rude. Your DH should be addressing the behavior with his family. If they cannot be polite/civil to you, he must choose: you or them. You don't need to like each other, you don't need to be friends, you don't have to care for each other. You do have to be polite/civil to each other.
BTDT
+1. Also in this position. They are rude and their behavior unforgivable. Avoid as much as possible. If your SO isn't standing up for you and choosing you over them then that is the real issue.
Fwiw, I just stopped attending anything with them or allowing them to stay at my home about a year, year and a half ago and never been so happy. Your relationship is doomed if you and SO aren't a team because even if you move away from the ILs and don't have any contact the lack of trust and resentment is going to fester between the two of you. They'll treat your children the same as they do you if they can't poison them against you so really watch that as well.
Anonymous
02/19/2021 21:43
Subject: Re:Dealing with rejection
Anonymous wrote:Sometimes it's subtle. No one will say, "I reject OP" but you'll notice you're not mentioned in the family newsletter or included in any of the family photos in the Christmas photo card. DH doesn't notice but he doesn't take in the details like I do. However, I do notice and keep it to myself. If anything, I'm not going out on a limb for said relatives nor opening my home to them.
So true. They may not vocalize it but their behavior tells all. If they won't look at you, won't speak to you other than a perfunctory greeting, won't acknowledge meals cooked, gifts given? It's time to shut the door and move on.
Anonymous
02/19/2021 18:31
Subject: Re:Dealing with rejection
Don’t see them. Let your H visit and take that time to yourself.