Anonymous wrote:Depends on how it ended. Healthy breakups are a thing too. I was married for >5+ years and when I left that house, I took my joy with me. I was over it, and ready to pick up the pieces and rebuild a new life.

ALONE!

Depends on how it ended. Healthy breakups are a thing too. I was married for >5+ years and when I left that house, I took my joy with me. I was over it, and ready to pick up the pieces and rebuild a new life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One month for every year you were together was what I heard, and it took me a year to get over my relationship of 12 years

I’m f@cked. 24 year relationship.

Not necessarily. Some people are so over the marriage by the time it ends that it doesn't take long to get over it. If you you were surprised by divorce papers then it may take you a little while. Either way, doing what you need to for yourself to get over the relationship is a wonderful investment in yourself. You'll be better than where you are now whether it takes you six months or two years. Hugs to you and go do something nice for yourself this weekend.

2 months. He had put me through the ringer so by the time it was over I was really relieved and met someone great 2 months later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One month for every year you were together was what I heard, and it took me a year to get over my relationship of 12 years

I’m f@cked. 24 year relationship.

well, technically you won't be f@cked for 2 years.....

Anonymous wrote:I broke up with my ex of 7 yrs last June. Stayed with him thru thick and thin. We didn't stop talking until July though and only a week before he started seeing someone new. He tells every girl we only dated a year which is a lie. He talked marrjage kids new house travel all the time with me. So since he's not reaching out and has a warm body I think he moved on. I have been pickier in dating though and its taking a longer time for me. How long did it take you to move on and despite the time that passed do you think he still thinks or misses me?

This is so typical of every long-term dating relationship I've ever seen. The guy does a lot of talking about marriage, kids, etc. to the woman, but never asks her to marry him (or finally does as a last ditch effort but then never moves forward with marriage so they're perpetually engaged). He tells a completely different story to friends and other women, playing down the relationship. Be grateful that you didn't have kids with him. The women in these types of relationships who have kids still can't get the guy to marry them. The furthest they get is being "engaged" for over a decade.

I mean this gently, but get professional help to find out why you stayed in this type of relationship (for 7 years!) and are clearly still hanging on. Do this now so you can attract a better type of guy.

Anonymous wrote:Ouch. 7 years without a ring/proposal should have been a red flag. Most would have cut him loose after 2 years.

This. OP, I'm sorry for what you're going through. It doesn't matter if he begged you to stay. The point is that you stayed in a relationship that wasn't good for you. Figure out why you did that. Just dating for 7 years is almost always a red flag.

we had no contact after our breakup, and this was before social media so I had no idea what they were up to. Still it took probably close to 3 years to finally get over it

You can't get over someone if you keep talking about him in every sentence/post.

I think it will be easier for you to move on if you cut off contact with him, it simply isn't beneficial for you to know what he's doing and who he's doing it with.

I also agree with therapy, get that self-esteem up, there's a reason you stayed with someone whp is clearly not a descent person for so long, work on healing you so you can attract someone worthy of your time.

Find something you like doing for yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One month for every year you were together was what I heard, and it took me a year to get over my relationship of 12 years

I’m f@cked. 24 year relationship.

You’ll be okay! One day at a time.

Anonymous wrote:One month for every year you were together was what I heard, and it took me a year to get over my relationship of 12 years

I’m f@cked. 24 year relationship.

One month for every year you were together was what I heard, and it took me a year to get over my relationship of 12 years

6 months. Stop worrying about him and focus on YOU only. There is a reason it didn’t work out and you will meet someone you are meant to be with. I was with my ex 6 years, met dH 6 months after our breakup when I was a hot mess. He waited for me to sort it out and we are married 10 years this year. You will be ok OP, hugs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anyone needs therapy, its you.

Not being harsh, just giving the best advice.

Okay, so why do I need therapy and he doesn't? He begged me to stay with him everytime during those 7 yrs. It seems my money would be better spent on material things and a gym membership or yoga classes.

1. You’ll do well to ignore fools on DCUM.
2. Your healing is important and you need therapy to understand many things, including why you returned to someone you thought (knew) was worthy of leaving.
3. Definitely get moving in yoga and/or at the gym. Physical activity helps. Took me two years to get over my ex, and a new, hot, young date helped get me there.

It took you 2 yrs to get over your ex with therapy? Then it seems time and dating that one guy just did the healing not the therapy.

Yes. I’d also got a new job and relocated after the breakup, which was lots of adjustment at once. But therapy and movement are all part of the process, which is not always linear. The new date was the energy I needed to feel completely renewed.