Anonymous
02/16/2021 08:03
Subject: Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Need advice..went through my husbands phone as I found messages of him entertaining other women. Some are sexual texts, but I can’t figure out if he’s had sex with anyone yet. It’s a lot of flirting with different women and one sent lingerie pics. I’ve also seen dating apps, swinger apps, and a transgender dating (that’s another conversation) app on his phone. Last year a friend of mine told me she sent him on a dating app, but he denied it and said it was old.
He’s also a compulsive liar...says he’s going “in the office” but was playing golf one day, two days later said “I’m going to the office” and went to his friends house (a gay woman) to smoke weed and take his calls. He also find every excuse to be out of the house (golf, bike riding,meetings. Etc). We have two small children and I keep thinking he wanted to get married because of the kids.
We got into a heated argument about the texts because he blamed me for having to lie about where he’s going. No apologies just deflection. I’m not texting men “I love you” or communicating with other men like inappropriately. This is considered emotionally cheating right?
Need help, do I divorce or am I over reacting?
OP, not to pry to heavily in your personal life. Do you happen to live in Maryland? Think I know who this man is.
All good! No, not in Maryland. What makes it sound familiar?
Anonymous
02/16/2021 07:59
Subject: Re:Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
Anonymous wrote:You say you’ve been married for two years and have two young children. Are they his?
Yup,they are his.
Anonymous
02/16/2021 07:38
Subject: Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
Anonymous wrote:Need advice..went through my husbands phone as I found messages of him entertaining other women. Some are sexual texts, but I can’t figure out if he’s had sex with anyone yet. It’s a lot of flirting with different women and one sent lingerie pics. I’ve also seen dating apps, swinger apps, and a transgender dating (that’s another conversation) app on his phone. Last year a friend of mine told me she sent him on a dating app, but he denied it and said it was old.
He’s also a compulsive liar...says he’s going “in the office” but was playing golf one day, two days later said “I’m going to the office” and went to his friends house (a gay woman) to smoke weed and take his calls. He also find every excuse to be out of the house (golf, bike riding,meetings. Etc). We have two small children and I keep thinking he wanted to get married because of the kids.
We got into a heated argument about the texts because he blamed me for having to lie about where he’s going. No apologies just deflection. I’m not texting men “I love you” or communicating with other men like inappropriately. This is considered emotionally cheating right?
Need help, do I divorce or am I over reacting?
OP, not to pry to heavily in your personal life. Do you happen to live in Maryland? Think I know who this man is.
Anonymous
02/16/2021 07:36
Subject: Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
Of course it’s cheating. Go to an attorney and get an std panel this week. You know you have to divorce. He don’t change.
Anonymous
02/16/2021 07:16
Subject: Re:Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
You say you’ve been married for two years and have two young children. Are they his?
Anonymous
02/16/2021 07:11
Subject: Re:Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
Are you overreacting? Is this for real? NO, you are not. If it’s this bad and you are only two years in, don’t waste your time trying to salvage this. He’s never going to change, get your ducks in a row.
Anonymous
02/16/2021 07:08
Subject: Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
OP you aren't overreacting and it is OK to be confused and upset and unsure of what is going on.
Try to look at the situation as if it it were your friend ... what would you tell her?
Give yourself time to process and actually FEEL what you want. Don't necessarily listen to your head. What does your GUT say?? (this is where I get into trouble. My head says one thing, my gut says another ... my gut is almost always right)
Be good to yourself.
Try to look at the situation as if it it were your friend ... what would you tell her?
Give yourself time to process and actually FEEL what you want. Don't necessarily listen to your head. What does your GUT say?? (this is where I get into trouble. My head says one thing, my gut says another ... my gut is almost always right)
Be good to yourself.
Anonymous
02/16/2021 06:58
Subject: Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
Sounds almost as bad as a girl I know walking in on her fiancé with another woman. Not the first time he was caught...
He lied about the entire ordeal. She stayed, he bought her breast implants and had a massive wedding reception.
Never see those two together with the two children. She’s off with other Moms in fantasy land, pretending her life is perfect. He takes boys trips and who knows what else.
He lied about the entire ordeal. She stayed, he bought her breast implants and had a massive wedding reception.
Never see those two together with the two children. She’s off with other Moms in fantasy land, pretending her life is perfect. He takes boys trips and who knows what else.
Anonymous
02/16/2021 06:53
Subject: Re:Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
It’s giving Ashley from RHOP
Anonymous
02/16/2021 06:51
Subject: Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
And just to add...I don’t know if gathering evidence will help your case in court - although it could be helpful for you to keep in case you are ever tempted to go back. I’d divorce him without conflict or fanfare - it’s just not worth it. What you want is to get this guy out of your life. Keep it peaceful for the kids’ sake.
It doesn’t sound like your DH wants to be married, anyway. And your kids are small - this is the time to do it. The thing is, I imagine you’ve been dealing with his sh** for years, perhaps even before having kids with him. A dirtbag like this didn’t just show his true colors. So I imagine you will agree with me that you need to leave, with no intention of doing it.
You’ll post here in a few months or a year with another horror tale, and again we’ll tell you to leave. It’s worth exploring in yourself what attracted you to someone entirely unworthy of you.
I imagine my DD in this situation and it breaks my heart. I hope you find the courage to leave.
It doesn’t sound like your DH wants to be married, anyway. And your kids are small - this is the time to do it. The thing is, I imagine you’ve been dealing with his sh** for years, perhaps even before having kids with him. A dirtbag like this didn’t just show his true colors. So I imagine you will agree with me that you need to leave, with no intention of doing it.
You’ll post here in a few months or a year with another horror tale, and again we’ll tell you to leave. It’s worth exploring in yourself what attracted you to someone entirely unworthy of you.
I imagine my DD in this situation and it breaks my heart. I hope you find the courage to leave.
Anonymous
02/16/2021 06:43
Subject: Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
Anonymous wrote:
Classic gaslighting... textbook gaslighting.
+1 And it’s effective enough that OP is asking if she’s overreacting, when what she is describing is just awful — to the point that I agree with PP, that OP’s DH isn’t going to change. He has a fundamental lack of integrity - he’s a dirtbag and he cannot he trusted. I just don’t think it’s worth fighting over, confronting or working through. I would absolutely divorce. It doesn’t even matter if he’s actually physically cheating or not. You can never trust him to have your back or any concern for your health or well-being.
Anonymous
02/16/2021 06:14
Subject: Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
* borrow
Anonymous
02/16/2021 06:13
Subject: Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
Anonymous wrote:Get a private investigator if you really need/want evidence. Also consult with a lawyer to discuss all your options. Just because you meet with a lawyer doesn't mean you have to divorce. Knowledge is power. It does sound like he's cheating. Lay low and gather proof before you confront.
Do this... STAT.
Even if you need to borrom money from a friend or relative to hire the PI, it's worth it!
They'll do a deep dive on his social media presence, his calls & texts, when he has to "leave the house", you'll get it all.
Then you'll know for sure... hire the PI, like now.
Anonymous
02/16/2021 06:11
Subject: Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He's never going to change. Honestly I wouldn't even bring it up or confront him. Talk to a lawyer and possibly a financial advisor and get your ducks in a row. Stash away money. Make plans, take your time if you need to. Don't tell him you're planning a divorce, let it be a nice surprise. And I agree you should get tested for STDs.
We’ve only been married two years, no assets together. Got a savings account thats all mine (that he just learned about). Got a joint account but I don’t put anything in there cuz he’ll just spend it.
Where is his money?
He has his own separate checking account. And just got added another line to our phone plan for the “business” he wants to start. But I think it’s a side phone...he texted his other phone the code so I now have it. Dummy
You know what you need to do. Best of luck.
Anonymous
02/16/2021 06:09
Subject: Went through husbands phone...entertaining other women
Classic gaslighting... textbook gaslighting.