Yuck. The guy sounds creepy. I just asked my nephew who is only in 9th grade and he said most 9th graders would hesitate to date a middle schooler.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be against a 9th grade freshman dating a junior.

But a high schooler should have no interest in a middle schooler.

This precisely. There is a huge taboo about HS guys dating middle schoolers for good reasons. The kid is a creep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be against a 9th grade freshman dating a junior.

But a high schooler should have no interest in a middle schooler.

Precisely, especially a 17-year-old high schooler. He should know better.

I wonder if his parents know he is dating a middle school kid.

If you need to, as a last resort, you could always inform the boy’s parents that you think they should have a talk with their soon-to-be 18 year old son about the implications of his continuing to date a young minor girl whose parents are not happy with the situation.

This would actually be my first course of action. They can make sure their son ends it or the law can and he can catch a case. I don't do the scared momma mouse routine.

When I was a 14 then 15 year old 9th grader I dated both 11th and 12th graders. I was very responsible, we were all star students, and so were they and my parents didn’t know the half of it. No sex. Dating for 2 months doesn’t seem like all that long depending how often they see each other before sharing with your parents. That said, the biggest red flag here is that you have a middle schooler - that would be a big no no.

I think this is a case where you have to know your kid best and lay out some ground rules. And yes, birth control. And invite the boy over if possible (if you are allowing the relationship to continue). I would worry that forbidding it will make it even more desirable though. Good luck OP

Anonymous wrote:Not judging at all - but how were they able to date for 2 months and keep it secret? How were they meeting up?

Excellent question.

She's 14 in a pandemic. Where has she gone? It's strange.

Not judging at all - but how were they able to date for 2 months and keep it secret? How were they meeting up?

OP would you find it off if when your daughter is 17 she starts dating a middle schooler?

What kind of 17yo wants to date a middle schooler? This is just weird.

OP I would be concerned about the lying.

What made her finally tell you? And if she did not tell you herself I would be concerned.

Here's the thing you can not forbid her. She will run to him immediately. This is as old as time.

Please have sex talk many times with her. Condoms and or BC now. 17-year-old boys and 14-year-old girls only one thing that boy wants.

This is not to scare you he could be a super sweet kid who found his soul mate or he could just be a 17-year-old boy. Being proactive here is key. Keeping communication open is also key.

Also, PP mentioned age 18, yeah that is a big deal and your daughter should be aware of those laws today.

I am not saying you have to condone the relationship but stats about this are very strong, have that birth control conversation over and over again or you will be grandma.

I will try to keep my personal bias out of this, so, I suggest two things:

1) Look up statuatory rape laws in your state. Once he turns 18, everything (legally) changes

2) discuss with daughter. Does she want a relationship with an expiration date?

3) Discuss with both kids. Point out to daughter that if she doesn’t want to have these conversations she’s not ready to do anything she’s not ready to discuss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be against a 9th grade freshman dating a junior.

But a high schooler should have no interest in a middle schooler.

Precisely, especially a 17-year-old high schooler. He should know better.

+1 one incident I know of ending in pregnancy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be against a 9th grade freshman dating a junior.

But a high schooler should have no interest in a middle schooler.

Precisely, especially a 17-year-old high schooler. He should know better.

I wonder if his parents know he is dating a middle school kid.

If you need to, as a last resort, you could always inform the boy’s parents that you think they should have a talk with their soon-to-be 18 year old son about the implications of his continuing to date a young minor girl whose parents are not happy with the situation.

So he is in 11th grade and dating a middle school kid? This is the weird and off, and something that his peers will find strange. I teach high school and I know the kind of 17 year old who would do this: you do not want that kid “dating” your daughter.

The maturity gap between 8th grade and 11th is huge, no matter how mature she is for her age.

Who are you people saying " don't' forbid it".? Hell yess you forbid it and do more than talk make sure it's done.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't be against a 9th grade freshman dating a junior.

But a high schooler should have no interest in a middle schooler.

Precisely, especially a 17-year-old high schooler. He should know better.