Anonymous wrote:OK, so it's not a resort vacation, but...

DH leaves after lunch today to go stay (masked) at his parents' house to attend his cousin's wedding tomorrow (20 people, masked, distanced, and he's skipping the dinner afterward).

He will then stay at his parents house for a few days; then, he moves into our basement fr a few days, and will get a rapid test.

That's almost a week of me watching the kids, solo. He leaves today. It is now 9 a.m., and he has yet to emerge from bed. Ice been up with the kids since 7:30, and finally served them Valentine's breakfast, as they wer hungry at 8:30. We were supposed to eat together for V-Day. They are waiting for ther cards and small gifts.

Anonymous wrote:While I totally get your frustration, it’s also the last few moments he’s not going to be stressed from travel, covid anxiety, and being with family...and then needing to stay in the basement. That’s a lot too.

I say this as someone whose partner did extensive multi week international travel, let it go so he doesn’t leave with you annoyed. For your sake. What you’re about to do is difficult, exhausting, and not something you asked for either. It will be more difficult is you are angry going in.

Send the kids in to jump on his head. Find a quiet corner to have a tea alone or a hot bath before lunch. Reset. Then try to connect before he heads out.

Best of luck this week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you op. I'd be p.o.d, too. To those who said she should've set that expectation: a husband should not have to be told to be considerate. It's the fact that, knowing he will be on a mini-vacation the next week while his wife looks after the kids alone, he couldn't be bothered to put the effort into looking after the kids the day before he leaves for vacation, and also miss out on a family event that the kids were looking forward to.

IMO, much of the resentment wives have against husbands would disappear if the husbands put some thought and effort into being a good husband and parent. Why does a grown man have to be told to be a bit more considerate and thoughtful of his wife when it comes to being a partner in the home?

I’m PP who mentions that I set specific schedules with my husband.

Yes, I agree that it would be great if he was more considerate, but unfortunately that just isn’t the case. So instead of me stewing, being resentful and irritated by his lack of consideration, I am crystal clear in expectations re: household schedule, cleaning that should be done over the weekend (hey, I’m going to vacuum and clear the sink, can you please clean the bathroom and help the kids pick up the playroom) - yep that specific. We have a nanny M-F, so I just extend the time and expectation setting discussions that I have with her now also to my husband.

Would it be great if he would manage this on his own? Yes definitely. But it’s even better not to get divorced because I spent the bulk of our marriage resentful. It helps that he is extremely receptive to this approach (it did not start that way). I guess he figures this is better than having an angry wife all of the time lol.

OP here. WOW. I literally said "I'm upset." How you leapt to getting a divorce from that is far beyond me.

DP but, OP, you don't even see that you're on the path to divorce by nursing your feelings of upset and resentment like this. That's where this goes. Resentment gives way to contempt which then ends in divorce.

No...dust-ups happen. And then you work through it and get over it. The fact that you think one instance of being upset = path to divorce speaks VOLUMES about the strength of your marriage, and no one else's.

I'm deep into a long happy marriage, but I am surrounded by divorces. As you get older, you'll see that I'm right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We DID talk about Valentine's breakfast together. He knew we were doing a special breakfast, and giving cards and presents. I didn't decide that on my own. He knew we were all awake, too. He knows our kids get up at 7:30, he knows they will ant breakfast within an hour.

Did anyone go wake him and tell him what time it is? When did that happen?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you op. I'd be p.o.d, too. To those who said she should've set that expectation: a husband should not have to be told to be considerate. It's the fact that, knowing he will be on a mini-vacation the next week while his wife looks after the kids alone, he couldn't be bothered to put the effort into looking after the kids the day before he leaves for vacation, and also miss out on a family event that the kids were looking forward to.

IMO, much of the resentment wives have against husbands would disappear if the husbands put some thought and effort into being a good husband and parent. Why does a grown man have to be told to be a bit more considerate and thoughtful of his wife when it comes to being a partner in the home?

I’m PP who mentions that I set specific schedules with my husband.

Yes, I agree that it would be great if he was more considerate, but unfortunately that just isn’t the case. So instead of me stewing, being resentful and irritated by his lack of consideration, I am crystal clear in expectations re: household schedule, cleaning that should be done over the weekend (hey, I’m going to vacuum and clear the sink, can you please clean the bathroom and help the kids pick up the playroom) - yep that specific. We have a nanny M-F, so I just extend the time and expectation setting discussions that I have with her now also to my husband.

Would it be great if he would manage this on his own? Yes definitely. But it’s even better not to get divorced because I spent the bulk of our marriage resentful. It helps that he is extremely receptive to this approach (it did not start that way). I guess he figures this is better than having an angry wife all of the time lol.

OP here. WOW. I literally said "I'm upset." How you leapt to getting a divorce from that is far beyond me.

DP but, OP, you don't even see that you're on the path to divorce by nursing your feelings of upset and resentment like this. That's where this goes. Resentment gives way to contempt which then ends in divorce.

No...dust-ups happen. And then you work through it and get over it. The fact that you think one instance of being upset = path to divorce speaks VOLUMES about the strength of your marriage, and no one else's.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We DID talk about Valentine's breakfast together. He knew we were doing a special breakfast, and giving cards and presents. I didn't decide that on my own. He knew we were all awake, too. He knows our kids get up at 7:30, he knows they will ant breakfast within an hour.

Did anyone go wake him and tell him what time it is? When did that happen?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you op. I'd be p.o.d, too. To those who said she should've set that expectation: a husband should not have to be told to be considerate. It's the fact that, knowing he will be on a mini-vacation the next week while his wife looks after the kids alone, he couldn't be bothered to put the effort into looking after the kids the day before he leaves for vacation, and also miss out on a family event that the kids were looking forward to.

IMO, much of the resentment wives have against husbands would disappear if the husbands put some thought and effort into being a good husband and parent. Why does a grown man have to be told to be a bit more considerate and thoughtful of his wife when it comes to being a partner in the home?

I’m PP who mentions that I set specific schedules with my husband.

Yes, I agree that it would be great if he was more considerate, but unfortunately that just isn’t the case. So instead of me stewing, being resentful and irritated by his lack of consideration, I am crystal clear in expectations re: household schedule, cleaning that should be done over the weekend (hey, I’m going to vacuum and clear the sink, can you please clean the bathroom and help the kids pick up the playroom) - yep that specific. We have a nanny M-F, so I just extend the time and expectation setting discussions that I have with her now also to my husband.

Would it be great if he would manage this on his own? Yes definitely. But it’s even better not to get divorced because I spent the bulk of our marriage resentful. It helps that he is extremely receptive to this approach (it did not start that way). I guess he figures this is better than having an angry wife all of the time lol.

OP here. WOW. I literally said "I'm upset." How you leapt to getting a divorce from that is far beyond me.

DP but, OP, you don't even see that you're on the path to divorce by nursing your feelings of upset and resentment like this. That's where this goes. Resentment gives way to contempt which then ends in divorce.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you op. I'd be p.o.d, too. To those who said she should've set that expectation: a husband should not have to be told to be considerate. It's the fact that, knowing he will be on a mini-vacation the next week while his wife looks after the kids alone, he couldn't be bothered to put the effort into looking after the kids the day before he leaves for vacation, and also miss out on a family event that the kids were looking forward to.

IMO, much of the resentment wives have against husbands would disappear if the husbands put some thought and effort into being a good husband and parent. Why does a grown man have to be told to be a bit more considerate and thoughtful of his wife when it comes to being a partner in the home?

I’m PP who mentions that I set specific schedules with my husband.

Yes, I agree that it would be great if he was more considerate, but unfortunately that just isn’t the case. So instead of me stewing, being resentful and irritated by his lack of consideration, I am crystal clear in expectations re: household schedule, cleaning that should be done over the weekend (hey, I’m going to vacuum and clear the sink, can you please clean the bathroom and help the kids pick up the playroom) - yep that specific. We have a nanny M-F, so I just extend the time and expectation setting discussions that I have with her now also to my husband.

Would it be great if he would manage this on his own? Yes definitely. But it’s even better not to get divorced because I spent the bulk of our marriage resentful. It helps that he is extremely receptive to this approach (it did not start that way). I guess he figures this is better than having an angry wife all of the time lol.

OP here. WOW. I literally said "I'm upset." How you leapt to getting a divorce from that is far beyond me.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We DID talk about Valentine's breakfast together. He knew we were doing a special breakfast, and giving cards and presents. I didn't decide that on my own. He knew we were all awake, too. He knows our kids get up at 7:30, he knows they will ant breakfast within an hour.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We DID talk about Valentine's breakfast together. He knew we were doing a special breakfast, and giving cards and presents. I didn't decide that on my own. He knew we were all awake, too. He knows our kids get up at 7:30, he knows they will ant breakfast within an hour.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you op. I'd be p.o.d, too. To those who said she should've set that expectation: a husband should not have to be told to be considerate. It's the fact that, knowing he will be on a mini-vacation the next week while his wife looks after the kids alone, he couldn't be bothered to put the effort into looking after the kids the day before he leaves for vacation, and also miss out on a family event that the kids were looking forward to.

IMO, much of the resentment wives have against husbands would disappear if the husbands put some thought and effort into being a good husband and parent. Why does a grown man have to be told to be a bit more considerate and thoughtful of his wife when it comes to being a partner in the home?

I’m PP who mentions that I set specific schedules with my husband.

Yes, I agree that it would be great if he was more considerate, but unfortunately that just isn’t the case. So instead of me stewing, being resentful and irritated by his lack of consideration, I am crystal clear in expectations re: household schedule, cleaning that should be done over the weekend (hey, I’m going to vacuum and clear the sink, can you please clean the bathroom and help the kids pick up the playroom) - yep that specific. We have a nanny M-F, so I just extend the time and expectation setting discussions that I have with her now also to my husband.

Would it be great if he would manage this on his own? Yes definitely. But it’s even better not to get divorced because I spent the bulk of our marriage resentful. It helps that he is extremely receptive to this approach (it did not start that way). I guess he figures this is better than having an angry wife all of the time lol.

Anonymous wrote:I hear you op. I'd be p.o.d, too. To those who said she should've set that expectation: a husband should not have to be told to be considerate. It's the fact that, knowing he will be on a mini-vacation the next week while his wife looks after the kids alone, he couldn't be bothered to put the effort into looking after the kids the day before he leaves for vacation, and also miss out on a family event that the kids were looking forward to.

IMO, much of the resentment wives have against husbands would disappear if the husbands put some thought and effort into being a good husband and parent. Why does a grown man have to be told to be a bit more considerate and thoughtful of his wife when it comes to being a partner in the home?