I don't know if OP is a man or a woman, but men like to pretend they did not hear things they can't deal with. Some women do that too.
This is so much easier being shoved and blamed on the sister, BCS, to op, the alternative is unimaginable. To know that his/her dad did this in their house, that sister had no safe place in her life, that she might have thought of school as the place to escape.
That her own mom did not do anything or that she couldn't tell her. Once again, she tried to tell someone about it, and she was the one that was blamed for something.
OP said, "she doesn't get to do that," right?
Running is all she knows. Her life is a nightmare that she can't escape.
OP is upset BCS she/he can never visit her/his dad again without thinking about this. BCS op will now have to come up with excuses not to allow the kids to stay with grandpa alone ever. OP will start telling his kids to tell if something happened but will be vague about it, and kids will start feeling that they have something to hide.
Most of all, OP will tell this to the spouse who will go ballistic and not allow his dad into the house or go for visits.
And even that, this will be nothing but a fraction of mental and physical torment his/her sister endured and is enduring daily.

Anonymous wrote:Aren't most kids that are sexually abused called manipulative?
My FIL, said the same when his lady friend told him her granddaughter was in trouble in school bcs she did something inappropriate to a younger boy. She was called a pervert by FIL and by her own grandma!
She was 9! Not a thought to the fact that mom just allowed another guy to move in. Nope, not a thought that she started acting really, really strange out of the blue.
She was called manipulative by her mom, who "washed" her hands off of her! Then the same starting happening with her younger sister!
Mom still lives with that guy, but her DDS are grown-up and live in another state (college age) and are not seeing the mom.

Happens ALL the time, blaming the victim. So sad.

Aren't most kids that are sexually abused called manipulative?
My FIL, said the same when his lady friend told him her granddaughter was in trouble in school bcs she did something inappropriate to a younger boy. She was called a pervert by FIL and by her own grandma!
She was 9! Not a thought to the fact that mom just allowed another guy to move in. Nope, not a thought that she started acting really, really strange out of the blue.
She was called manipulative by her mom, who "washed" her hands off of her! Then the same starting happening with her younger sister!
Mom still lives with that guy, but her DDS are grown-up and live in another state (college age) and are not seeing the mom.

Anonymous wrote:Child molesters aren’t confined to one gender; Id be very, very careful with your child around your father.

+1 talk to your mother! Tell her what your sister told you. Dark secrets must be brought to light

Anonymous wrote:It seems like you are spending a lot of time resenting how this information was conveyed, and nitpicking the format of the information, and the motives of the information sender, versus dealing with the information. This is often a sign that you are not ready to deal with the information, and you are blocking.

Exactly, she is focusing on what she can handle, the other she can't.

What was the initial fight about?

Did your mom leave your father? Can you call your mom and as her what she thinks about this?
I would believe your sister.

Oh OP, you don’t even see the irony in your own statements. You had a fight, so you decided to drop and run “I may not talk to her again”.

She has a life of hiding everything, of being silent, and of being minimized with the most shameful secret you could imagine.

Yeah, she gets to toss and run. If I were you, I’d believe her and protect your children. I was the victim of a serial abuser. No one believed me either, but you kind of get used to never trusting anyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I told her - she doesn’t get to toss it - and run- I’m sorry it happened, But her dropping something like that -in a text - after I said I would be taking space -is also problematic given the history of manipulation that has occurred between us...

I also told her the last thing I wanted to do was shut down a conversation but it was too painful to be so resented. Which I said and then she sent that text- what???

Your father assaulted/raped/molested her. Of course she resents you because you got to have a childhood and a dad who did not violate you. She on the other hand was a convenient and available child to victimize for the sicko who fathered you. Of course she resents you.

She is giving you the biggest clue of why she is so unhappy. You can be the compassionate person and try to understand what she is feeling as a victim. You need to grow up and realize that her life was spoiled by your father. You need to realize that a great harm was done to her by your dad while you remained unscathed from that perversion.

+1. OP sounds like a spoiled, entitled princess.

Is your step sister’s mother still alive? If she is I would reach out to her and ask. For the sand if protecting your children

Believe victims, period. I know so many people whose parents/siblings/stepparents didnt believe the abuse they experienced as children because it was inconvenient. Heartbreaking. Hopefully your sister gets the help she needs. Perhaps you can suggest she investigate attachment styles and relationships as childhood trauma can contribute to the type of communication dynamic that seems to be at play with her.

It seems like you are spending a lot of time resenting how this information was conveyed, and nitpicking the format of the information, and the motives of the information sender, versus dealing with the information. This is often a sign that you are not ready to deal with the information, and you are blocking.

None of us can properly access what this messy exchange over text between sisters can mean. I have half and step-siblings and we get along but have widely different takes on our childhood b/c we were kids abs were each impacted by the disruption that divorce and blending families caused. There’s been no sexual abuse, but when my stepfather entered the picture we became super-fundamentalist and believed in strict discipline and whether the line crossed into abuse is...fuzzy. It’s never going to be fully realized as not everyone is alive. So we just focus on the present relationships with each other. I have personally been I therapy.

My advice is to just take some space from your sister. After some time you can reach out and let your sister know you are ready and open to hear what she experienced. Do that in person and be prepared to not talk. Then go from there. Depending, you can seek out a therapist to help deal with the information.

Child molesters aren’t confined to one gender; Id be very, very careful with your child around your father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was right. You have the luxury and tendency to shut your eyes and to toss and run. So why should she have spared you?

She is the one who specifically said she was tossing a bomb and running. What makes do think *I* have that tendency? Whatever happened is not my fault

You're awful, OP.
I hope treat her with empathy, because guess what... IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU and you're making this all about you!

Read what the PP said, she stopped maturing on the day that she was traumatized; STOPPED MATURING.

And you wonder why she didn't tell you in the perfect way, during the perfect time that you'd hoped for... that's laughable.

She "tossed it and ran" because she doesn't know how to communicate effectively, because your dad took that ability away from her!

And you threatened to never talk to her again, so when SHOULD she have told you... after you blocked her phone number and blocked her on social media??

Go talk to a therapist about this... you can have an appointment with a teledoctor tomorrow right from your own home, because until you do, do NOT talk to her.

She's so much better without you and your horrible, dysfunctional family.