Anonymous wrote:It’s fine that were different, what’s weird is that she wants to talk on a daily basis, voluntarily, to someone so different. What I love about my friends is the feeling of recognition snd of being seen and of being able to relate. I don’t feel that with my SIL. If we weren’t related and she was my neighbor or coworker, I’d never seek her out. I’d be friendly and such but certainly wouldn’t be reaching out to her on a daily basis!

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine that were different, what’s weird is that she wants to talk on a daily basis, voluntarily, to someone so different. What I love about my friends is the feeling of recognition snd of being seen and of being able to relate. I don’t feel that with my SIL. If we weren’t related and she was my neighbor or coworker, I’d never seek her out. I’d be friendly and such but certainly wouldn’t be reaching out to her on a daily basis!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ve posted this before. Mute her texts (turn off notifications) and focus on fixing your life.

Are you serious? OP, if you have posted about this before, and you are again writing a diatribe about someone...being happy over text, it is time to run, not walk, to the phone to book a therapy appointment.

Quick, before you boil a bunny in her kitchen out of sheer jealousy! I hope you feel better soon.

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar struggle with my SIL, except it’s not so much that she’s trying to make her life seem exciting, it’s more that she wants to talk on the phone or via text with me on a daily basis about things I find incredibly boring.

Another poster up thread talked about being in “guest mode” or “on” with her in laws, and I totally get that. But what’s weird is she contacts me almost every day....to talk about:
-meals she’s making (not show-off kinds of meals, just ordinary simple family dinners)
-her chiropractor appointment
-home decor (really though, not showing off...more like how she’s rearranging her basement furniture)

This does kind of confuse me. It doesn’t upset me and I’m not envious. But our lives are EXTREMELY different and I don’t get it. Is she super lonely? Is this what all her friendships look like?

I thought with time if I engaged with her more frequently, that it would strengthen our relationship and we’d be able to talk about deeper more substantive things, but I’ve been working this for almost a year and it hasn’t gotten any deeper. She doesn’t for example, share her struggles or her sorrows or her snark. I guess that’s what my friendships look like so I don’t know what this is or what she’s getting out of it or why she wants to communicate so much about essentially nothing.

Sometimes it kind of annoys me just how incredibly DIFFERENT we are from each other, whereas in other friendships what I love is that sense of understanding each other. I don’t really get that from my SIL and I wonder if she does get it from me? Or does she not need it?

Ultimately my conclusion is, I think for her this is friendship. I don’t think she has the kinds of friendships I have, where we go deep into things. She’s more comfortable keeping it light.

Anonymous wrote:You’ve posted this before. Mute her texts (turn off notifications) and focus on fixing your life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm, I don't know if you're exactly a reliable narrator. If there's some kind of family group chat and her contributions are positive, then...that's totally fine, normal and nothing for you to get your knickers twisted over.

If it is just her to you out of the blue, and you think she's bragging or exaggerating, then why don't you just tell her that you can't text everyday. Speak up!

I don't see what the problem is. If she tried a new cookie recipe and it was great, that's nice. If she took the kids on a hike and here's a picture, that's nice. If she read a new book and loved it, that's nice.

It honestly sounds like the problem is your insecurity and general negativity.

I'm not an outwardly negative person. This is more internal for me.

Happy people aren't bothered by other people being generally pleasant or positive. Happy people don't feel insecure and jealous because someone else seems to be doing well: they are happy for that person, or they at least feel neutral enough to not pay too much attention.

You're focused on her. WHY? Do you need a hobby? Do you need to focus on your own life? Busy, happy people simply don't ruminate, bean-count, or monitor the mood and behavior of other people this closely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm, I don't know if you're exactly a reliable narrator. If there's some kind of family group chat and her contributions are positive, then...that's totally fine, normal and nothing for you to get your knickers twisted over.

If it is just her to you out of the blue, and you think she's bragging or exaggerating, then why don't you just tell her that you can't text everyday. Speak up!

I don't see what the problem is. If she tried a new cookie recipe and it was great, that's nice. If she took the kids on a hike and here's a picture, that's nice. If she read a new book and loved it, that's nice.

It honestly sounds like the problem is your insecurity and general negativity.

I'm not an outwardly negative person. This is more internal for me.

Happy people aren't bothered by other people being generally pleasant or positive. Happy people don't feel insecure and jealous because someone else seems to be doing well: they are happy for that person, or they at least feel neutral enough to not pay too much attention.

You're focused on her. WHY? Do you need a hobby? Do you need to focus on your own life? Busy, happy people simply don't ruminate, bean-count, or monitor the mood and behavior of other people this closely.

Not true. Happy people are happy for others is true. However, it is pretty human and normal to be annoyed by DAILY texts of perfection or really daily texts of anything other than maybe something funny or a meme or something. OP is sensing something if off. Well adjusted people do not send daily texts updating their life and saying how wonderful it is. That said, you just ignore the texts and read the whole shabang once a week or every few weeks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm, I don't know if you're exactly a reliable narrator. If there's some kind of family group chat and her contributions are positive, then...that's totally fine, normal and nothing for you to get your knickers twisted over.

If it is just her to you out of the blue, and you think she's bragging or exaggerating, then why don't you just tell her that you can't text everyday. Speak up!

I don't see what the problem is. If she tried a new cookie recipe and it was great, that's nice. If she took the kids on a hike and here's a picture, that's nice. If she read a new book and loved it, that's nice.

It honestly sounds like the problem is your insecurity and general negativity.

I'm not an outwardly negative person. This is more internal for me.

Happy people aren't bothered by other people being generally pleasant or positive. Happy people don't feel insecure and jealous because someone else seems to be doing well: they are happy for that person, or they at least feel neutral enough to not pay too much attention.

You're focused on her. WHY? Do you need a hobby? Do you need to focus on your own life? Busy, happy people simply don't ruminate, bean-count, or monitor the mood and behavior of other people this closely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmm, I don't know if you're exactly a reliable narrator. If there's some kind of family group chat and her contributions are positive, then...that's totally fine, normal and nothing for you to get your knickers twisted over.

If it is just her to you out of the blue, and you think she's bragging or exaggerating, then why don't you just tell her that you can't text everyday. Speak up!

I don't see what the problem is. If she tried a new cookie recipe and it was great, that's nice. If she took the kids on a hike and here's a picture, that's nice. If she read a new book and loved it, that's nice.

It honestly sounds like the problem is your insecurity and general negativity.

I'm not an outwardly negative person. This is more internal for me.