Anonymous wrote:Does he want sex? Some guys can go forever without sex, so if you really need it, could be a problem. Good luck.

OP here. Yes he wants sex. We have a very healthy sex life. We have sex a couple of times a week.

Do the research

Tube tie for women results in far fewer long term health issues

Vasectomy for men correlated to more health issues.

Google is your friend
If not,
Ask a doctor

Does he want sex? Some guys can go forever without sex, so if you really need it, could be a problem. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, if you are the one who really doesn't want kids, it makes sense for you to do the bc? Or just protection if you are both willing. You can't force a person to get perm. birth control. Sounds like he just needs a little more time.

OP here. I can’t do BC because I’ve had very bad side effects to most of the ones I tried. They also ruin hour natural hormones and it can mess things up once you get off of them. My husband hates using condoms. I love sex so withholding sex is not an option. I find it be very immature and not healthy for a marriage. I think he needs to get a vasectomy.

But he won't. So stop making excuses. You are the one being immature now.

I was on BCP for 25 years. Easy breezy. And all the baby free sex I wanted.

I also had a Mirena, and while it was painful for a couple months, it turned out great.

OP here. It’s not an excuse. I’m glad things worked for you but that’s not the case with other women. I have tried many birth controls and al of them made me ill. Some gave me dizziness and vertigo, some gave me terrible headaches, and other gave me bad nausea and crazy mood swings. Birth control is not for everyone. Your experience is yours and yours alone. Not every woman has it so easy as you did. Some women actually struggle with those things. Don’t minimize or belittle something you have never experienced.

I think the best compromise here is he agrees to wear condoms for 1-2 more years. You meet in the middle by giving him more time; he meets in the middle by using something he doesn’t particularly like.

Anonymous wrote:I would give him time. And until he does it, you either don’t have intercourse (there are other types of sex!) or do a combination of condoms and tracking your temps.

My DH got a vasectomy a couple months ago, and he really didn’t want to be “pressured” into it, but after being given some space he decided it was the best thing to do.

OP here. Thanks for this. I will just wait until he comes around and tell him condoms or no sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, if you are the one who really doesn't want kids, it makes sense for you to do the bc? Or just protection if you are both willing. You can't force a person to get perm. birth control. Sounds like he just needs a little more time.

OP here. I can’t do BC because I’ve had very bad side effects to most of the ones I tried. They also ruin hour natural hormones and it can mess things up once you get off of them. My husband hates using condoms. I love sex so withholding sex is not an option. I find it be very immature and not healthy for a marriage. I think he needs to get a vasectomy.

But he won't. So stop making excuses. You are the one being immature now.

I was on BCP for 25 years. Easy breezy. And all the baby free sex I wanted.

I also had a Mirena, and while it was painful for a couple months, it turned out great.

That’s your experience but many women can’t take birth control. It’s not “ eazy breezy” for everyone. Some have real side effects do take it.

I would give him time. And until he does it, you either don’t have intercourse (there are other types of sex!) or do a combination of condoms and tracking your temps.

My DH got a vasectomy a couple months ago, and he really didn’t want to be “pressured” into it, but after being given some space he decided it was the best thing to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, if you are the one who really doesn't want kids, it makes sense for you to do the bc? Or just protection if you are both willing. You can't force a person to get perm. birth control. Sounds like he just needs a little more time.

OP here. I can’t do BC because I’ve had very bad side effects to most of the ones I tried. They also ruin hour natural hormones and it can mess things up once you get off of them. My husband hates using condoms. I love sex so withholding sex is not an option. I find it be very immature and not healthy for a marriage. I think he needs to get a vasectomy.

But he won't. So stop making excuses. You are the one being immature now.

I was on BCP for 25 years. Easy breezy. And all the baby free sex I wanted.

I also had a Mirena, and while it was painful for a couple months, it turned out great.

Anonymous wrote:Reluctant at 40 to get a vasectomy means he's planning to leave you at 50 for a 25 year old who will want a baby. Instead of worrying about BC you should be making sure you're prepared for a divorce.

OP here. He won’t leave because I don’t want a third child. Not all men are bad or leave. Not all men want a younger woman either. We are very happy.

Anonymous wrote:Did you have 2 girls and he wanted one of each?

I also wasn't interested in shutting that door before I was 40, although I know vasectomies can be reversed.

OP here. We have two boys. He doesn’t care about gender and having boys versus girls never mattered to him. He just loves kids and loves being a dad. Unlike most men, he loved the newborn stage.

His body, his choice. Seems pretty simple.

Anonymous wrote:Get an iud.

Is option though not without risks and side effects. But it is an option.

The other option is to stay on birth control for 1 more year, that's the compromise. After which you can stop and he can agree to one of 3 options 1 . vasectomy. 2. condoms or 3. no sex until you are post-menopause.

Well, you can't force him.

But you should also see this for what it is, his selfishness.

He's perfectly fine with you sacrificing your body and being uncomfortable but not him. And I mean this for both the procedure and refusing condoms.

Condoms every time- don't care if he doesn't like them. Hormonal birth control is out for you as you have stated your side effects. Time for him to step up.