I would absolutely not tell a boss. Unless there are complications and assuming you work 9-5ish, there should be no reason to take a day off until the day of the egg retrieval and the day of the transfer, especially if you're WFH. Most monitoring appointments are 7-9a. While the day of the egg retrieval is up in the air until the last minute, you'll have two days notice.
The downside of letting a boss in is that you don't know how long this process will take and I found that I didn't want follow-up questions. Employers aren't required to keep your personal information private and could mention something (accidentally or not) to others. I didn't want coworkers wondering what my reproductive status.
If you have to disclose something, say you have a few medical appointments coming up and assure them that it's not life threatening. It's hard to put the genie back in the bottle once you spill about IVF.

I'd tell them nothing. Bare minimum. You are out for "medical reasons" and can produce a note if required. Do not share any more than that.

I'm in a similar boat with a male boss I like and fairly trust - curious if anyone's advice would change re: egg freezing and heading into a busy time of the work year? I almost want to give him a head's up that I will be having procedures/taking meds and may need to call out at the last minute due to side effects. It's literally just the 2 of us on our team, so I'm just wondering if it will hurt my career I don't tell him and look like a flake?

Even though we're WFH now, I may have to request discretionary telework to quarantine if we're ordered to go back before I finish (to avoid any covid exposure since it's so expensive and I can only afford to do this once). FWIW, I'm single and not planning on having a child ASAP because I can't afford it yet; I'm doing what I can to improve my odds down the line in case I meet someone and feel we can be parents together.

leave use (not leave she)

I’m also a fed and also tend to overshare at times because I try to be up front with my boss about leave she and schedule it to the extent possible. But she’s always told me it’s my leave and I do not need to explain why I am using it.

I would not worry about telling your boss unless your performance actually starts slipping and your boss brings it up.

Agree with everyone else - pregnancy discrimination is real - even your employer getting a whiff of potential pregnancy could cost you your job (which shouldn’t be the case at all in this day and age). I’m saying this from firsthand experience - at least I got a pretty significant settlement though and a better job so it all worked out I guess minus the emotional toll (which is not something you want to deal with along with infertility - trust me). I worked at a law firm so you’d think they’d know better so don’t assume you won’t get discriminated against in a federal job. Good luck!

I didn't say anything, just requested sick leave per usual were it any other medical appointment. And fortunately, the experiences were very uncomplicated.

I did IUI, not IVF, but I think I did end up telling my (male) boss because while monitoring appts were early, I started work even earlier so I had to miss work.

Agree - say nothing until you’re 3mo pg. Schedule your monitoring appointments early morning so they don’t conflict with work. And take 1 day off for your egg retrieval and 1 day for your transfer. Make up some reason. The tough part will be hosing morning sickness before you’re ready to tell people Easier at home though. Good luck!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also a boss and have been for 10+ years. I would appreciate knowing so you can support the employee through the process. I would also worry if an employee was taking a lot of time off. I personally slowed down a lot (I have a high stress demanding job) during IVF.

Women shouldn’t have to hide the process or feel ashamed.

Women should not have to, but not all bosses are as understanding/supportive/self-aware. Discrimination is real.

+1
And you have no way of knowing how long it might end up taking. It may work on the first cycle or drag on for several years in particularly unlucky cases like mine. I would keep mum.

Anonymous wrote:Also a boss and have been for 10+ years. I would appreciate knowing so you can support the employee through the process. I would also worry if an employee was taking a lot of time off. I personally slowed down a lot (I have a high stress demanding job) during IVF.

Women shouldn’t have to hide the process or feel ashamed.

Women should not have to, but not all bosses are as understanding/supportive/self-aware. Discrimination is real.

Also a boss and have been for 10+ years. I would appreciate knowing so you can support the employee through the process. I would also worry if an employee was taking a lot of time off. I personally slowed down a lot (I have a high stress demanding job) during IVF.

Women shouldn’t have to hide the process or feel ashamed.

I'm a boss. Please don't tell me this.

I did not tell my boss and I would never do so - too much of a chance of discrimination, etc. as the boss would then know there is parental leave in my future. I would not want to be shortchanged some responsibilities or projects just because they think I may get pregnant soon. The meds really did not affect me or my work! Hopefully it is the same for you. The hardest part was the retrieval because it is really hard to predict the day it will fall on. Once I knew for sure the date (only a few days beforehand), I emailed my boss to request off and framed it as “nothing serious, but an unforeseen medical procedure”. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I was thinking in a short-sighted way, thinking better to tell him so he will be easier on me if I'm spacey during the treatments. But great point about tipping him off that I'll take maternity leave etc. Thanks!

The medications didn't affect me any worse (work wise) than my regular hormonal cycle. The hot flashes from one of the drugs were something else, but that didn't affect work. The first trimester fatigue after I was successful but before we told work was by far when I had the most difficult time with my job.