I just finished reading this book, which was really amazing about post-partum emotional changes. I realize that my understanding of post-partum depression was very narrow, so much so that I didn't recognize my own PPD until i read this book.

https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/589989/ordinary-insanity-by-sarah-menkedick/

I highly highly recommend it. It's not just about the emotional changes, but about the shifts in identity in becoming a mother. I listened to it on audiobook because I always fall asleep while reading.

Anonymous wrote:Post-partum anxiety is real and can be absolutely debilitating. Ask me how I know. Or I'll just tell you ... it was so bad after my second baby that I had a nervous breakdown when she was 9 weeks old. Refused meds, but started talk therapy. Things were still difficult but I figured hey, 2 kids is hard. When she was about 18 months old, my marriage was in tatters and I was constantly getting into arguments with everyone I knew, it suddenly hit me ... I AM NOT OK. Started a low-dose antidepressant and suddenly I had my life back.

I realize meds aren't for everyone, and even if you are open to meds, you may have to try a few before you find one that works for you. But I strongly encourage you to find a therapist that specializes in PPA/PPD for talk therapy and a psychiatrist who can write meds for you if you're open to it. Because you don't have to live like this, honey. Hugs to you.

+1.

And, while not everyone wants to take meds, there is NOTHING wrong with taking them. I had to take them in order to participate effectively until her apt for my PTSD from a traumatic birth/abusive partner/horrible recovery after my first baby, and now I’m off them and doing well (12 years later I’m married to the most wonderful human I’ve ever met, I’m having a miscarriage, and while I’m sad and upset, and have had some anxious moments my PTSD has not come roaring back and my partner is supportive and kind when I cry rather than demeaning and cruel and it makes all the difference). Had I not done meds and therapy a few years ago I can promise I would not be in this place.

Meds can make a huge difference, quickly, and allow you to access therapy effectively. I’m all about meds, and if/when I get pregnant will plan on starting meds late in pregnancy to ward off PPD/PPA. There is a reason the standard of care is meds + therapy - it works better than either one of them on their own.

Hugs OP.

One thing I noticed in your comment and that I think about a lot is the role of your nervous system vs your feelings or emotions in all of this. When kids are screaming, it puts us on edge. Making sure you are looking out for your body in those moments. Hide in the bathroom and breathe, for example.

Hope you can get in to your doc about post partum anxiety. A friend had this and ugh, it looked so hard.

Anonymous wrote:Day care ASAP. You don’t have to work at home full time and have a baby at home full time. That’s a recipe for disaster for anyone.

+1000

Daycare is a necessity in your case.
Sending you hugs OP. I hope you get better soon.

Day care ASAP. You don’t have to work at home full time and have a baby at home full time. That’s a recipe for disaster for anyone.

Anonymous wrote:Post-partum anxiety is real and can be absolutely debilitating. Ask me how I know. Or I'll just tell you ... it was so bad after my second baby that I had a nervous breakdown when she was 9 weeks old. Refused meds, but started talk therapy. Things were still difficult but I figured hey, 2 kids is hard. When she was about 18 months old, my marriage was in tatters and I was constantly getting into arguments with everyone I knew, it suddenly hit me ... I AM NOT OK. Started a low-dose antidepressant and suddenly I had my life back.

I realize meds aren't for everyone, and even if you are open to meds, you may have to try a few before you find one that works for you. But I strongly encourage you to find a therapist that specializes in PPA/PPD for talk therapy and a psychiatrist who can write meds for you if you're open to it. Because you don't have to live like this, honey. Hugs to you.

Yes, this x 10,000. I have had a diagnosed anxiety disorder since my early 20s, and having a baby brought on horrible PPD/PPA. I was in a dark place for several weeks until I started medication and therapy. One of the ways I tried to control my anxiety was cleaning, because it gave me a feeling of control over my environment. Cleaning is a never ending job with a baby though. I am also very sensitive to loud sounds, so whenever my baby screamed or cried in my face I would lose it. I still react this way when she has a tantrum, but I try to calm myself by closing my eyes and chanting "she's just a child" in my mind. She can't help it, just like I can't help becoming flustered.

You are not alone. Lots of women feel how you do.

It's okay to just have one kid.

Don’t store baby items that aren’t being used if you don’t have enough storage. These items are around lightly used in abundance. I would clean out the clutter. We have a tiny house and when we just had one child, her toys could fit in two small crates - one in her room and one in the living room. She was happy and it was so easy to manage.

There are daycares open, why is your kid not in daycare? You can’t wfh with a baby. Of course the quality of your work is down.

Medicine made life so much more manageable when I was (still am) similarly situated. It’s so hard. Hugs!!

Magnesium, B vitamins, Vitamin D and fish oil. It may not solve your problems immediately but I promise in 2-3 weeks you will feel very different.

I am the same way with noise and mess. It’s hard. One thing that helps is sleep. I take a CBD with melatonin every night at 8:30 so I don’t spiral and stay up until 1am desperate to get stuff done and have some alone time. It is never worth it when I do that. The gummy makes me tired enough that I have to go to bed.