Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, to be clear OP, the underemployed part does not have anything to do with Covid, correct? I think that's an important point.

Oo here- dh lost his job in 2017 and has Been underemployed since then.
I feel so taken advantage of.

Boohoo. I carried my unemployed or underemployed (now ex-) wife for 21 years of marriage.

This isn’t something to brag about..

Anonymous wrote:If the spouse who was complaining about being overwhelmed with the kids was female this would be a completely different thread

THIS
Especially if female spouse essentially refused to return to work

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, to be clear OP, the underemployed part does not have anything to do with Covid, correct? I think that's an important point.

Oo here- dh lost his job in 2017 and has Been underemployed since then.
I feel so taken advantage of.

Boohoo. I carried my unemployed or underemployed (now ex-) wife for 21 years of marriage.

If the spouse who was complaining about being overwhelmed with the kids was female this would be a completely different thread

If he was the one who originally suggested keeping the kids at home to save money it sounds like then, at least, he was trying to save money and be helpful. Now he is burned out and probably bored. Caring for little kids can be really hard. I understand he is probably not as burned out as you but nonetheless, he is unhappy.

Put the kids back in daycare immediately and get a marriage counselor. I think it is important to try this before resorting to divorce, which is your other option.

Get to the other side of pandemic. Get therapy NOW though. You’re still seething hours later. That’s not healthy. It sounds like he’s your childcare provider right now, so either he makes less or you need to come to an agreement for childcare.

Go to bed early. You sound exhausted. It might look different in the morning.

Ok, but is he hot and fun and otherwise a catch?

(Another woman and mom of 4)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childcare
Would paying for fulltime childcare be cheaper than divorce?
At least try it
Better for the kids

Op here. I’ve thought about this in the last few days, even as covid numbers spike in my state. It would definitely help me in terms of work and juggling the days. But isn’t that a get out of jail free card for dh? And who pays for childcare? Yet another financial responsibility for me?

I don’t understand. You are married so your income is joint. You say he is “underemployed.” What exactly does that mean?

He got laid off 4.5 years ago from a cushy well paying job. Since then, he has not held down full time employment. I send him job apps every week, and he turns down 99% of them because he “doesn’t want to work a regular 9-5 boring job.” He wants something cushy, glamorous, flashy like his old job. Think k street lobbyist expensing steak lunches, vs a government 9-5.

He takes on consulting contract jobs. Some months zero income and no work activity.. Some months decent income and moderate activity. At best he is making 35% of his prior salary. At best.

At his suggestion, “i can keep kids home right now while I’m under employed/not busy with projects.”

This is why I am extremely angry resentful and bitter. He will not step up and find steady employment to support his family. In the alternative, he fights to not have to do at least an equal share of childcare at home.

I hope this paints a clearer picture of my frustration and why I feel I’m being taken advantage of. Pushing back on the schedule today THAT HE ASKED FOR has pushed me over the edge.

Yes, clarify. I can't form an opinion until I know-is he actually employed? Like 40hrs a week, or 20, or at will or not at all...

Please clarify. Is your DH working from home? Does he work full time?

Everyone is struggling right now op. If your dh was ‘fully employed’ your situation would be worse, but you seem very resentful of that. Either way, get childcare. That’s the only way out of your situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, that sounds really hard and frustrating. Would you be open to marriage counseling? He/she can help facilitate conversations between the two of you on this.

Yes

Marriage counseling is a wonderful idea, but that would require OP to take ownership of her part in this and ownership of her own feelings, and not just blame her husband as the cause of everything, which doesn't seem what she wants at this point.

I agree. You sound extremely judgmental. I’m feeling bad for your DH.

Im “underemployed “ because my husband can’t functionally help with working and virtual during pandemic (or life in general). Sometimes that’s how the split goes.

Go for a walk. Get if Internet. If it’s your time take kids.

Taking care of small kids all day is exhausting. Put the kids back in daycare or hire a sitter.



Or section off a safe area in the house and let them live it up , you don't need to actively engage or play with your kids at all times.