Anonymous wrote:I moved out at 17 and went to college. I left nothing at home, I paid for my own college. I went from college to law school, to an apartment I paid to rent, to a home I bought with my husband, to the home we now bought and raise our kids in. I never stepped foot back in my childhood home except to visit on holidays during college. When I graduated college, my parents moved to FL. I never said "goodbye" to my old house. I'd say I moved out at 17.

What did you do during the summers during college? (Or do you count this as a holiday?)

Anonymous wrote:I turned 18 november of my senior year. My stepmother would have loved to have kicked me out then - but she waited until July. At that point I left for college and never returned except for a few holiday visits. No financial support either.

Sorry PP. Your dad was a wus for allowing that environment and she was a bi$ch.

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure what you’re talking about. I’m 34 and haven’t lived at home since I started college.

I’ve gone back to visit of course, but isn’t it normal to move out then?

Probably in some areas. The DMV is a bit different because COL is so high. My college freshman has his mind spinning about the future. Is home (with us) during breaks. It’s not like kids can “put themselves” through even state college in 2020. He’ll be home this summer. But is in a science field, so I foresee one or more summers he’s doing research elsewhere.

He asked when we talked this week if he could move home after college while he saved money for an apartment. And of course he could, if he was employed (or working hard on it) and had a plan. He’s grown up so much this year. I love having him here. But, not forever unless he has an emergency.

He also said getting back to college “felt like coming home,” which made me tear it. It’s sad, but I’m so happy he found such a great school and is happy— as a freshman during COVID. It’s normal. It’s healthy. It’s sad.

I think in high COL areas and for kids in college, it’s a process. It isn’t feasible to leave after HS graduation, set up an apartment with a roommate, have a job, and pay for college. In fact, larger numbers of kids in this area are living at home and heading for NOVA for two years, then transferring.

I see my kid as needing to start making real progress towards independence— financially and logistically— after college. In the meantime, college is the new HS and a kid without a degree can’t make enough to get housing in a safe pace. Certainly not and attend school.

Now, I’m from the rural South, and that’s a different story.

I moved out at 17 and went to college. I left nothing at home, I paid for my own college. I went from college to law school, to an apartment I paid to rent, to a home I bought with my husband, to the home we now bought and raise our kids in. I never stepped foot back in my childhood home except to visit on holidays during college. When I graduated college, my parents moved to FL. I never said "goodbye" to my old house. I'd say I moved out at 17.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not unusual, but honestly going to college doesn't seem like "moving out" to me. Its like the summer camp equivalent of moving out or the study abroad equivalent of being an expat. Sort of cosplay adulthood. I am not knocking it obviously but its less "real world". Even though I paid for my crappy summer rentals and what not, I didn't feel "moved out" until I graduated and got a FT job and rented by own (slightly nicer ) apartment with my roommate.

I agree, I wouldn't count going to college as moving out. You still come home on breaks, the summer, presumably have Mom and Dad supporting you financially. To me, "moving out" is you are on your own for the most part. Not an inbetween step like college.

How privileged of you. Many people pay for their own college. So no, it's not an in-between step.

I'm so confused by this post. Are kids not going to college anymore? At 18 kids move out, they go to college! I know not all do but in my mind, it's the norm and not an outlier.

Yes, SS will be moving out after 18 and can not wait.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter moved halfway across the country from us when she was 17 and a half. She moved in with her older brother and sister-in-law, finished school and graduated, and has never asked us for any money. She moved out of their house when she turned 18.
I raise my kids to be independent. When my youngest turns 18 in 2 and a half years, I am moving out.

I wonder what your dd would say. Seems that there is more to the story you arent telling since moving in with brother and his wife pretty dramatic.

Life in your family must have been awful but keep spinning "teaching independrnce" since she was dependent on her brother and not you.

Yeah PP what's the other side of the story?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not unusual, but honestly going to college doesn't seem like "moving out" to me. Its like the summer camp equivalent of moving out or the study abroad equivalent of being an expat. Sort of cosplay adulthood. I am not knocking it obviously but its less "real world". Even though I paid for my crappy summer rentals and what not, I didn't feel "moved out" until I graduated and got a FT job and rented by own (slightly nicer ) apartment with my roommate.

I agree, I wouldn't count going to college as moving out. You still come home on breaks, the summer, presumably have Mom and Dad supporting you financially. To me, "moving out" is you are on your own for the most part. Not an inbetween step like college.

I agree.
Plus, it seems a lot of people still keep lots of "stuff" at their parents house--which to me means you still haven't moved out. Plenty of 30+ year olds on DCUM with spouses and kids that STILL haven't fully moved out.

Anonymous wrote:Not unusual, but honestly going to college doesn't seem like "moving out" to me. Its like the summer camp equivalent of moving out or the study abroad equivalent of being an expat. Sort of cosplay adulthood. I am not knocking it obviously but its less "real world". Even though I paid for my crappy summer rentals and what not, I didn't feel "moved out" until I graduated and got a FT job and rented by own (slightly nicer ) apartment with my roommate.

I agree, I wouldn't count going to college as moving out. You still come home on breaks, the summer, presumably have Mom and Dad supporting you financially. To me, "moving out" is you are on your own for the most part. Not an inbetween step like college.

Not unusual, but honestly going to college doesn't seem like "moving out" to me. Its like the summer camp equivalent of moving out or the study abroad equivalent of being an expat. Sort of cosplay adulthood. I am not knocking it obviously but its less "real world". Even though I paid for my crappy summer rentals and what not, I didn't feel "moved out" until I graduated and got a FT job and rented by own (slightly nicer ) apartment with my roommate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter moved halfway across the country from us when she was 17 and a half. She moved in with her older brother and sister-in-law, finished school and graduated, and has never asked us for any money. She moved out of their house when she turned 18.
I raise my kids to be independent. When my youngest turns 18 in 2 and a half years, I am moving out.

I wonder what your dd would say. Seems that there is more to the story you arent telling since moving in with brother and his wife pretty dramatic.

Life in your family must have been awful but keep spinning "teaching independrnce" since she was dependent on her brother and not you.

Seriously. Red flags all over that story.

I turned 18 november of my senior year. My stepmother would have loved to have kicked me out then - but she waited until July. At that point I left for college and never returned except for a few holiday visits. No financial support either.

My two oldest kids moved to college across the country at 16. One turned 17 days later. The other turned 17 three months after moving into the dorm.

Anonymous wrote:I must be really old. I remember when this was the norm, and it was unusual NOT to move out at 18.

OP, are you specifically talking about an 18yo who is still in high school, moving out partway through their senior year? That's the only situation that I can think of this as slightly unusual.

I'm 40 and I grew up in Winchester (which was much more rural back then so not like around here) and I still don't think a single person in my HS class of 300ish moved out of their house during their senior year. That would be highly unusual.

I think it was fairly common for the kids going to community college to stay at their parents house. I think those that got jobs would generally move out.