Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 13:17     Subject: What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
Why do you assume this is a purposeful tactic with a goal? She doesn’t want to talk or text for a while and when she’s ready to engage, she does. I don’t even see why you would characterize it as the silent treatment.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 13:14     Subject: Re:What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Grow up.


Oh, look; it's a DCUM bully, here to offer unhelpful invective.


Right? I've noticed the "Grow up" poster making the rounds a lot lately.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 12:47     Subject: Re:What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
Borderline personality disorder. They set 'tests' like this and regardless of what you do, they'll make it like you're at fault.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 12:39     Subject: What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
Sometimes you are too angry or emotional or triggered to say hey, I dont want to talk and need to calm down

Sometimes just saying it launches the other person into a rage or tirade or verbal attack or following you around insisting on continuing the discussion. You just say ok talk to you later and disengage. "Silent treatment" is just "not talking,' It works as self preservation and to cool down. I don't think its abusive unless you are kicking stuff around, slamming doors, giving dirty looks, etc.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 11:30     Subject: Re:What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty wrong of you to sit there and laugh. I give my husband the silent treatment when I need a break. If not, I become very angry, I yell, say things I do not mean and I am very hurtful to others. So, I keep to myself and process things internally. My husband knows it is not about him and respects my space. I always go back to him and follow up with a talk about why I was silent, how I am feeling, etc.


Are you 12? An adult would handle this with a simple statement first, that tells him that you can't talk like now because you are very angry. He is apparently fine with you not talking to him, so he'd doubtless accept that. But launching right into the silent treatment first, without any explanation, is immature and yes, abusive. I understand that you don't like to hear this, but that doesn't make it any less true.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 11:24     Subject: Re:What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty wrong of you to sit there and laugh. I give my husband the silent treatment when I need a break. If not, I become very angry, I yell, say things I do not mean and I am very hurtful to others. So, I keep to myself and process things internally. My husband knows it is not about him and respects my space. I always go back to him and follow up with a talk about why I was silent, how I am feeling, etc.

You are abusive to your husband. Immature too and if you don't realize that silent treatment while living in the same house is abusive, you are doing damage that will not be repaired. There is no way you don't do this with your own kids if this is your pattern of behavior. There is nothing, nothing more damaging than silent treatment to a child living in his own house. You feel like an enemy in your own house, instead of having the feeling of safety. I much rather take, and I did take, a slap or even a full on beating from mom and dad(different country, different time) than silent treatment. Yes, mom and dad both were immature jerks on occasion and did this to me. I swore to myself that I will never do this to dh or my kids, and I never did.
I have always said, we live in the same house, we can be upset, heck we can be divorcing, but we communicate and we act like effing adults.


Not the poster you are referring to, but wow either you didn't read her post or you really need some help. The poster said she would rather not respond for a while until she calms down rather than "become very angry, yell and say things I do not mean." Good for her. As long as her husband recognizes this is why she shuts down for a bit, it is totally healthy. The fact you would rather take a slap or beating than have someone stop talking and spend more time calming themselves down and problem solving really speaks volumes. I think you are harping on "silent treatment" as a pop psychology buzzword when what the person is describing is an understanding that she needs a TIME OUT to cool off something highly recommended. That said, I truly hope you get some help so you can recognize what is abuse and what is healthy anger management. As long as OP has a good marriage and can work out the big things with her husband respectfully there is no issue here, but your major projections.

Oh, no! yet another I hope you get help for yourself advice from an abuser who can't recognize her rage for what it is, even on dcum.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 11:23     Subject: Re:What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty wrong of you to sit there and laugh. I give my husband the silent treatment when I need a break. If not, I become very angry, I yell, say things I do not mean and I am very hurtful to others. So, I keep to myself and process things internally. My husband knows it is not about him and respects my space. I always go back to him and follow up with a talk about why I was silent, how I am feeling, etc.

You are abusive to your husband. Immature too and if you don't realize that silent treatment while living in the same house is abusive, you are doing damage that will not be repaired. There is no way you don't do this with your own kids if this is your pattern of behavior. There is nothing, nothing more damaging than silent treatment to a child living in his own house. You feel like an enemy in your own house, instead of having the feeling of safety. I much rather take, and I did take, a slap or even a full on beating from mom and dad(different country, different time) than silent treatment. Yes, mom and dad both were immature jerks on occasion and did this to me. I swore to myself that I will never do this to dh or my kids, and I never did.
I have always said, we live in the same house, we can be upset, heck we can be divorcing, but we communicate and we act like effing adults.


Not the poster you are referring to, but wow either you didn't read her post or you really need some help. The poster said she would rather not respond for a while until she calms down rather than "become very angry, yell and say things I do not mean." Good for her. As long as her husband recognizes this is why she shuts down for a bit, it is totally healthy. The fact you would rather take a slap or beating than have someone stop talking and spend more time calming themselves down and problem solving really speaks volumes. I think you are harping on "silent treatment" as a pop psychology buzzword when what the person is describing is an understanding that she needs a TIME OUT to cool off something highly recommended. That said, I truly hope you get some help so you can recognize what is abuse and what is healthy anger management. As long as OP has a good marriage and can work out the big things with her husband respectfully there is no issue here, but your major projections.

Nope. Silent treatment is what she wrote. Not, cool down for a bit. Both of you are clearly abusive and your rage post here shows that statement is true.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 11:09     Subject: Re:What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
OP, what is an example of telling your mother something she doesn't want to hear that causes her to go silent? I'm taking care of an elderly parent and someone telling me I need to do this or I ought to do that can be really off-putting and can feel like criticism, which sometimes causes me to disengage from the advice giver for a while.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 09:21     Subject: Re:What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty wrong of you to sit there and laugh. I give my husband the silent treatment when I need a break. If not, I become very angry, I yell, say things I do not mean and I am very hurtful to others. So, I keep to myself and process things internally. My husband knows it is not about him and respects my space. I always go back to him and follow up with a talk about why I was silent, how I am feeling, etc.

You are abusive to your husband. Immature too and if you don't realize that silent treatment while living in the same house is abusive, you are doing damage that will not be repaired. There is no way you don't do this with your own kids if this is your pattern of behavior. There is nothing, nothing more damaging than silent treatment to a child living in his own house. You feel like an enemy in your own house, instead of having the feeling of safety. I much rather take, and I did take, a slap or even a full on beating from mom and dad(different country, different time) than silent treatment. Yes, mom and dad both were immature jerks on occasion and did this to me. I swore to myself that I will never do this to dh or my kids, and I never did.
I have always said, we live in the same house, we can be upset, heck we can be divorcing, but we communicate and we act like effing adults.


Not the poster you are referring to, but wow either you didn't read her post or you really need some help. The poster said she would rather not respond for a while until she calms down rather than "become very angry, yell and say things I do not mean." Good for her. As long as her husband recognizes this is why she shuts down for a bit, it is totally healthy. The fact you would rather take a slap or beating than have someone stop talking and spend more time calming themselves down and problem solving really speaks volumes. I think you are harping on "silent treatment" as a pop psychology buzzword when what the person is describing is an understanding that she needs a TIME OUT to cool off something highly recommended. That said, I truly hope you get some help so you can recognize what is abuse and what is healthy anger management. As long as OP has a good marriage and can work out the big things with her husband respectfully there is no issue here, but your major projections.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 09:17     Subject: What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
Anonymous wrote:Why are people relating this to the pandemic? The OP didn’t say this just started. It’s childish and manipulative, ignore it.


It relates to the pandemic because the pandemic makes the moms role as caregiver much harder and likely OP is more stressed and taking this too personally and analyzing it too much rather than just letting it go as a sign mom has had enough. People don't have as many outlets to manage stress as they did per-pandemic and sometimes it makes them more easily offended.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 09:14     Subject: What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
Having been through watching my mother slowly lose her sanity caring for my dad over many years, I don't think people understand just how draining it is. Give her a break. It's not like caring for a child who presumably will be independent one day. When parenting you are most likely in decent health yourself and feeling at the peak of you cognitive capacity minus some mommy fog. He mom probably has her own age related aches pains and issues and this is all just too much. Her generation was not trained to recognize what they need emotionally and to assertively and respectfully communicate it. Rather than sitting here deciding it's some horrible thing she is doing TO YOU, just assume it is a sign she is stressed out, doesn't find you helpful right now and just have EMPATHY. Just because you think you are helping, doesn't mean she always finds you helpful. See if you can find cues she is finding you stressful before she takes a break and maybe she won't need to if you back off some.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 09:07     Subject: What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
Why are people relating this to the pandemic? The OP didn’t say this just started. It’s childish and manipulative, ignore it.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 09:01     Subject: What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
She's doing it for attention and dramatic effect. Just embrace the break.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 08:30     Subject: Re:What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
Anonymous wrote:I think it’s pretty wrong of you to sit there and laugh. I give my husband the silent treatment when I need a break. If not, I become very angry, I yell, say things I do not mean and I am very hurtful to others. So, I keep to myself and process things internally. My husband knows it is not about him and respects my space. I always go back to him and follow up with a talk about why I was silent, how I am feeling, etc.

You are abusive to your husband. Immature too and if you don't realize that silent treatment while living in the same house is abusive, you are doing damage that will not be repaired. There is no way you don't do this with your own kids if this is your pattern of behavior. There is nothing, nothing more damaging than silent treatment to a child living in his own house. You feel like an enemy in your own house, instead of having the feeling of safety. I much rather take, and I did take, a slap or even a full on beating from mom and dad(different country, different time) than silent treatment. Yes, mom and dad both were immature jerks on occasion and did this to me. I swore to myself that I will never do this to dh or my kids, and I never did.
I have always said, we live in the same house, we can be upset, heck we can be divorcing, but we communicate and we act like effing adults.
Anonymous
Post 01/24/2021 08:08     Subject: Re:What purpose does this silent treatment serve?
Have She isn't finding you helpful and doesn't think you can handle hearing it. Just let her have her break and appreciate that she is providing loving care to your dad. No need to make this into a big Del. She is taking a break not throwing tantrums, refusing to care for your dad or drinking excessively.