I already posted by I was just thinking about other Goldens I knew. One cousin really did become quite accomplished and he settled down and has such sweet kids. He is a good guy, but he stopped kissing up to and appeasing his narcissist mom and now is estranged.

Another cousin was a Golden due to being in the advanced placement program. Her parents were not that into academics growing up so they were amazed by her and bragged incessantly. She went to a good college and dropped out of grad school. She has never had a real job. She makes up jobs and will set up a website and over-embellish or lie about her practically non-existent work history. This is according to her parents. Her sister, who was average, but a hard worker and more down to earth has worked hard her whole life and is a very giving field. It's easier to talk to her because she is honest and doesn't BS and get all cagey.

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that these 'Golden Children' are often people who don't do well in life as adults, e.g. dropping out of education, drink, drugs, debts, you name it? Why did their parents favor them?

I think the parents are overcompensating some of the time. They know all is not well and they think "Golden Child" just needs a little more love, compassion, empathy, etc at the expense of other children. But it doesn't make any difference in the outcome and alienates the non-favored children.

Anonymous wrote:One of my younger brothers was the golden child. Not sure why, as he had a horrible temper and treated everyone in the family like crap. He became addicted to drugs in college and was murdered at the age of 26.

Omg. I’m so sorry. Sounds tragic all around.

One of my younger brothers was the golden child. Not sure why, as he had a horrible temper and treated everyone in the family like crap. He became addicted to drugs in college and was murdered at the age of 26.

Not golden anymore. Her life is functional though and she’s happy. She’s a researcher, has 4 dogs, sleeps until noon and eats crap. She’s very obese and the place is a disaster.

It stings hard thinking about how they went on about her looks and smarts as a kid. I’ve had to work really really hard to ever get any praise.

Why is it that these 'Golden Children' are often people who don't do well in life as adults, e.g. dropping out of education, drink, drugs, debts, you name it? Why did their parents favor them?

My family valued the same things in girls as American culture at large - pretty, popular, conformist, feminine, rule abiding, not too aggressive, smart, etc. So the golden child was all of those things, perfectly. She grew up to be very successful, rewarded for being this ideal.

At 50, she struggles a bit with a feeling of having no identity. She envies others who seem to be happy and authentic. She missed out on getting to develop into anything other than Ideal Barbie. She mainly is doing well, though, and concerns herself primarily with her children, wanting to give them the things she did not have, such as close family relationships, freedom to be who they are and choose what they want to do.

She has some narcissistic qualities (selfish, self centered, superior) but she is not a narcissist - she is a good person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was the golden child. I am the only functioning adult (I had a decent career in law before I became a stay at home mom, and I’m a pretty good mom) out of five siblings, except one of my brothers who turned his life around after being a meth and heroine dealer.

I think my parents were really unfair to think more highly of me than my siblings. My parents judged my siblings harshly and refused to acknowledge the part they played in my siblings’ struggles. It still ticks me off when I think about it.

Most of my siblings don’t like me. They think I think I’m better than they are. They have a lot of resentment toward me because of the way my parents favored me. But I do have a good relationship with the aforementioned brother and I value that relationship a lot.

What kind of Heroines did he deal? Goldilocks, Sheba, Xena warrior princess, maybe Wonder Woman?

Just Wonder Woman. He tried getting into Xena but there wasn’t enough demand.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, there is. Because Golden was so academically successful, they ignored all the messages that she had personality issues (acted superior to others, took pleasure in failures of those she saw as competition, couldn't maintains friendships unless the person worshiped her and did things for her without expecting much in return, relationships with significant others ended poorly every time, etc.) So she is still quite successful and very into keeping up appearances, but she seems to have few close friends, she keeps getting into personality clashes at work and with parents of her kid's friends. She leads a conflict and drama filled life, but makes a great living and is a top notch in the field.

You just described my sister to a T.
It has to be the payback for the work success.

Anonymous wrote:I was the golden child. I am the only functioning adult (I had a decent career in law before I became a stay at home mom, and I’m a pretty good mom) out of five siblings, except one of my brothers who turned his life around after being a meth and heroine dealer.

I think my parents were really unfair to think more highly of me than my siblings. My parents judged my siblings harshly and refused to acknowledge the part they played in my siblings’ struggles. It still ticks me off when I think about it.

Most of my siblings don’t like me. They think I think I’m better than they are. They have a lot of resentment toward me because of the way my parents favored me. But I do have a good relationship with the aforementioned brother and I value that relationship a lot.

What kind of Heroines did he deal? Goldilocks, Sheba, Xena warrior princess, maybe Wonder Woman?

In my family - the golden child is on and off drugs, lives in an apartment mommy and daddy bought, and is underemployed. He's a single loner and likely will be for life because he never learned how to form decent relationships.

In husband's family - similar outcome. Favored boy is lonely, single, underemployed and broke. Husband should have been the golden child but was ignored and under appreciated because younger brother needed so much more praise, encouragement, and attention. End result is neither son is very close to their parents and they are all alone.

I was the golden child. I am the only functioning adult (I had a decent career in law before I became a stay at home mom, and I’m a pretty good mom) out of five siblings, except one of my brothers who turned his life around after being a meth and heroine dealer.

I think my parents were really unfair to think more highly of me than my siblings. My parents judged my siblings harshly and refused to acknowledge the part they played in my siblings’ struggles. It still ticks me off when I think about it.

Most of my siblings don’t like me. They think I think I’m better than they are. They have a lot of resentment toward me because of the way my parents favored me. But I do have a good relationship with the aforementioned brother and I value that relationship a lot.

Yes, there is. Because Golden was so academically successful, they ignored all the messages that she had personality issues (acted superior to others, took pleasure in failures of those she saw as competition, couldn't maintains friendships unless the person worshiped her and did things for her without expecting much in return, relationships with significant others ended poorly every time, etc.) So she is still quite successful and very into keeping up appearances, but she seems to have few close friends, she keeps getting into personality clashes at work and with parents of her kid's friends. She leads a conflict and drama filled life, but makes a great living and is a top notch in the field.

My BIL is the golden/favored child. Unfortunately, he is favored by my FIL who is an NPD person. My DH is a survivor who basically escaped his family home.

BIL is BPD, alchoholic/drug addict, in and out of rehabs, associates with prostitutes, wife and dd left him, got fired from his job (that FIL got for him in the first place), lives with FIL-MIL. FIL is very sick and have given him his entire property (several millions).

DH also enables everyone in his family now, but I guess it is his cross to bear.

Entitled and snobbish. Only does what is good for themselves.