Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you worrying about the shift change and what you will do during your hotel time?

I have had kids in the hospital when I had one and also when I had 3 kids.

I would let the person who has a more demanding job or work to do be in the hotel room.

When I was at the hospital, it was not common for both parents to be at the hospital at all times during recovery. DH worked and would visit our child at the hospital and sleep at the hospital. I would go during the day when other child(ren) were in school or I had a sitter. We could not have even one parent at the hospital at all times let alone 2.

When my first had surgery, I stayed at the hospital the entire time. DH would come and go and work. I saw many parents at the hospital trying to arrange care for their other kids. Be glad you don’t have to juggle other children at home or the other parent would definitely need to be home with other kids.

Not the OP, but my guess is she's worrying about this because she's actually worrying about her child undergoing what sounds like complex surgery, and she needs something to for her mind to work on.

Pp here. My child had multiple heart surgeries so I understand the worrying. I guess I was worrying my child may not make it and may die. I was not thinking about how to occupy my time. I spent most of my time sobbing in and out of the hospital before the surgery, during and after. I don’t remember how I slept or how I ate. I didn’t watch movies. I just cried.

Are you really on here criticizing how someone else is dealing with their worry?? Ok you get the gold star for being tougher, more practical, and worrying better. Well done.

I would alternate on three roughly 8 hr shifts. 7 AM - 3 PM, 3 PM - 10 PM, 10 PM - 7 AM. Whoever does the night shift isn’t going to get a lot of sleep so it’s good for them to be able to take off and get a nice long nap in, then have an uninterrupted night the next night. It’ll definitely go more smoothly if you are able to rest yourselves.

The one with him tries to keep him occupied and deals with nurse/doctor communication. The one who is out uses as much time as possible for sleep and does some family updates, research on any questions that arise, aftercare prep, and get whatever you need prepped for the next shift (snacks, things your son might want/need). But do try and rest and don’t run yourself ragged. Tip: use email during the night and not texts for non urgent updates, so the person taking over in the morning has the full story but isn’t interrupted at night.

Good luck — I hope it all goes smoothly.

Pp here. My child had multiple heart surgeries so I understand the worrying. I guess I was worrying my child may not make it and may die. I was not thinking about how to occupy my time. I spent most of my time sobbing in and out of the hospital before the surgery, during and after. I don’t remember how I slept or how I ate. I didn’t watch movies. I just cried.

No need for your high horse. OP stated she's a nervous wreck being away from the hospital and is anticipating it will be difficult being at the hotel. She's not asking for netflix recommendations, she asking how to handle the anxiety while she's at the hotel.

OP, sending lots of positive thoughts. My DD was at Children's unexpected for 3 days and I don't know what I would have done if I had anticipated it was going to happen. I cannot imagine your level of worry and anxiety. There's some great advice here (as long as you ignore the judgy idiots lol).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you worrying about the shift change and what you will do during your hotel time?

I have had kids in the hospital when I had one and also when I had 3 kids.

I would let the person who has a more demanding job or work to do be in the hotel room.

When I was at the hospital, it was not common for both parents to be at the hospital at all times during recovery. DH worked and would visit our child at the hospital and sleep at the hospital. I would go during the day when other child(ren) were in school or I had a sitter. We could not have even one parent at the hospital at all times let alone 2.

When my first had surgery, I stayed at the hospital the entire time. DH would come and go and work. I saw many parents at the hospital trying to arrange care for their other kids. Be glad you don’t have to juggle other children at home or the other parent would definitely need to be home with other kids.

Not the OP, but my guess is she's worrying about this because she's actually worrying about her child undergoing what sounds like complex surgery, and she needs something to for her mind to work on.

Pp here. My child had multiple heart surgeries so I understand the worrying. I guess I was worrying my child may not make it and may die. I was not thinking about how to occupy my time. I spent most of my time sobbing in and out of the hospital before the surgery, during and after. I don’t remember how I slept or how I ate. I didn’t watch movies. I just cried.

Anonymous wrote:Why are you worrying about the shift change and what you will do during your hotel time?

I have had kids in the hospital when I had one and also when I had 3 kids.

I would let the person who has a more demanding job or work to do be in the hotel room.

When I was at the hospital, it was not common for both parents to be at the hospital at all times during recovery. DH worked and would visit our child at the hospital and sleep at the hospital. I would go during the day when other child(ren) were in school or I had a sitter. We could not have even one parent at the hospital at all times let alone 2.

When my first had surgery, I stayed at the hospital the entire time. DH would come and go and work. I saw many parents at the hospital trying to arrange care for their other kids. Be glad you don’t have to juggle other children at home or the other parent would definitely need to be home with other kids.

Not the OP, but my guess is she's worrying about this because she's actually worrying about her child undergoing what sounds like complex surgery, and she needs something to for her mind to work on.

Why are you worrying about the shift change and what you will do during your hotel time?

I have had kids in the hospital when I had one and also when I had 3 kids.

I would let the person who has a more demanding job or work to do be in the hotel room.

When I was at the hospital, it was not common for both parents to be at the hospital at all times during recovery. DH worked and would visit our child at the hospital and sleep at the hospital. I would go during the day when other child(ren) were in school or I had a sitter. We could not have even one parent at the hospital at all times let alone 2.

When my first had surgery, I stayed at the hospital the entire time. DH would come and go and work. I saw many parents at the hospital trying to arrange care for their other kids. Be glad you don’t have to juggle other children at home or the other parent would definitely need to be home with other kids.

Sorry you're going through this OP. My DD has had a few surgeries. None during COVID, but I did deal with the trading off situation and I know it's really hard to think about not being there, but if it is a few days you do need to make sure that you get rest and you really can't get good sleep at the hospital. I would recommend doing the first night. It will be hard. In the morning, see how things are and I would recommend switching sometime then to get a cup of coffee, take a walk and shower like others have recommended. You will feel better and ready to come back mid-afternoon. From there, you can talk to your DH to decide if you want to do another overnight shift, or if you maybe do 2-8 or so and then take that night off. If you don't stay one night, remind yourself that rest is important for you to be able to support DC. You will get through it, hang in there!

OP my 3 year old had to have surgery this summer and I was a wreck prior to the surgery. It's hard enough to deal with this during normal times, but covid really added to the stress. In our case, only one person was allowed in the hospital, and we had no child care for our other child, so I was there by myself.

Some random advice:

-- I basically watched all of Schitt's Creek during this time. I got Netflix on my phone and brought a charger with me to the hospital. It really worked to distract me.
-- I was a wreck up until going to the hospital, but once I was there, I was magically calmer.
-- Pack a ton of snacks and force yourself to eat. I didn't want to leave the waiting area and had no one to run and grab food for me.
-- Know this. Once it's over, you'll be okay. You will breathe again.

Thinking of you and sending hugs. This is hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my child was hospitalized, I was staying the night with him. Having someone switch off with me early in the morning was helpful. I liked going home quickly and showering and getting morning coffee at home, cuddling with my other kids while they were rested and happy - and that helped me feel rejuvenated to return by the afternoon. I never slept well at the hospital so that switch off was fairly early, like 7 am.

This is good advice. My daughter was in the hospital for 6 days, I couldn’t really leave because she was an infant and still breastfeeding. I was able to shower at the hospital, but it would have been so nice to go home and take a normal relaxing shower and have a decent cup of coffee and take a walk. We weren’t allowed to leave the room and walk to floor to stretch my legs. If I could, I would have loved to been able to go to the hotel, shower, nap and have a coffee.
Maybe something to work out with DH. He comes to the room after rounds, and stays until the afternoon. You can go to the hotel and do what you need to.
I would suggest not trading places until after rounds. If you are there over night, it would be helpful for you to also give feedback and updates to the day shift team.
I hope the surgery goes well, and your family finds peace and love during this time.

Op here. Thank you for this. How kind and helpful your post is. I know someone else mentioned about timing our "shifts" around doctor rounds but I hadn't thought of that. This is so difficult and I am in awe of all of you that have already been through this (and more!) and are willing to share. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:When my child was hospitalized, I was staying the night with him. Having someone switch off with me early in the morning was helpful. I liked going home quickly and showering and getting morning coffee at home, cuddling with my other kids while they were rested and happy - and that helped me feel rejuvenated to return by the afternoon. I never slept well at the hospital so that switch off was fairly early, like 7 am.

This is good advice. My daughter was in the hospital for 6 days, I couldn’t really leave because she was an infant and still breastfeeding. I was able to shower at the hospital, but it would have been so nice to go home and take a normal relaxing shower and have a decent cup of coffee and take a walk. We weren’t allowed to leave the room and walk to floor to stretch my legs. If I could, I would have loved to been able to go to the hotel, shower, nap and have a coffee.
Maybe something to work out with DH. He comes to the room after rounds, and stays until the afternoon. You can go to the hotel and do what you need to.
I would suggest not trading places until after rounds. If you are there over night, it would be helpful for you to also give feedback and updates to the day shift team.
I hope the surgery goes well, and your family finds peace and love during this time.

We went through this when my daughter was three and I would spend the night with her and my husband would spend the day but there were times when we’d just do 2 hour shifts. You really can’t program a schedule but need to base it on how your child is doing and who needs a break.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have done this three times for one week periods. We got a hotel across the street. I would go to the hotel at 9pm and sleep until 3am. We would switch shifts and he would sleep 4am-10am. We were teen together during the day because preCovid. That said, we would have just continued to divide up in 6ish hour shifts probably during the day.

Op here. Thank you for this. DH is a night owl and I'm an early bird so this will likely be a good option for us. I know it might seem obvious to a lot of people but right now, it's hard for me to think of anything other than the surgery that awaits DS. Thanks again.

And when you aren’t with your kid, you should try to nap, deal with insurance, and get food from somewhere better than the hospital cafeteria and get enough food for your spouse.

My husband and I have done this three times for one week periods. We got a hotel across the street. I would go to the hotel at 9pm and sleep until 3am. We would switch shifts and he would sleep 4am-10am. We were teen together during the day because preCovid. That said, we would have just continued to divide up in 6ish hour shifts probably during the day.