It sounds like you aren't feeding them enough and aren't leaving enough healthy snacks easily accessible. What about some cheese cubes or slices and crackers, some vegetables and hummus?

Best not to buy the processed foods OP, or only buy them to share immediately after purchase and no more. If mom and dad get to have special junk food (they keep locked away from the kids) what message is that sending the kids? It sounds like you and your dh need to stop the junk food and sweets entirely and make it a family thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to accept that the current system you set up is not working. Maybe work with your daughter's therapist to try a new approach. I was raised in a very food-restricted home and would "steal" and hide food (and as is fairly common with those dynamics, developed an eating disorder as a teen). My kid has free access to any food in our home and it works great for us.

It may work great for you, but what is the answer when you’ve been doing this and one child starts becoming overweight?

You talk to your child's therapist about finding approaches that don't rely so heavily on control and punishment because those are clearly not working.

What age do you allow free access to food? My kids are toddlers and aren’t there yet. We always have nuts and fruits accessible but they’d raid my pantry if allowed and wouldn’t eat dinner.

Yeah, this sounds crazy to me. It's not stealing in your own house - I suggest reading Slattery's blog or finding an expert to help you break the cycle, and in the meantime, stop buying too much food you don't want them to have.

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to accept that the current system you set up is not working. Maybe work with your daughter's therapist to try a new approach. I was raised in a very food-restricted home and would "steal" and hide food (and as is fairly common with those dynamics, developed an eating disorder as a teen). My kid has free access to any food in our home and it works great for us.

It may work great for you, but what is the answer when you’ve been doing this and one child starts becoming overweight?

I had a cousin that used to do this. They couldn’t have any junk food or fun stuff in the house because she had no self control. She would eat entire cartons of ice cream, bags of chips, you name it. It was strange. My aunt and uncle had plenty of food and desserts. She just liked stealing and bingeing. She used to microwave the ice cream and scoop out all the Oreos/ cookie dough or toppings out of it and then refreeze it. Her siblings weren’t like this. Later turned into bulimia. She still has a lot of control issues and had been in rehab for alcohol abuse too.

So... no suggestions but it’s def a worrying sign.

Sounds like they both have some impulse control issues. But have you even asked them why? Are they hungry? Do they just really want something (the lasagna) and can't stop obsessing over it until they get it? Do they feel they can't tell you they are hungry?

My kids eat all day but we allow them to choose healthy snacks including fruits veggies nuts etc. we also have junk but that’s the special afternoon snack they can look forward to each day. I’m trying to teach them to make healthy decisions but still allow treats in moderation.

I think you need to accept that the current system you set up is not working. Maybe work with your daughter's therapist to try a new approach. I was raised in a very food-restricted home and would "steal" and hide food (and as is fairly common with those dynamics, developed an eating disorder as a teen). My kid has free access to any food in our home and it works great for us.

If they are eating three meals plus snacks, they shouldn’t be that hungry. Not to wear they are eating boxes of cookies and gallons of ice cream. It sounds like a compulsion issue/impulsive issue. Probably the 9 y/o is the one with the psychological issue going on and the younger sibling follows along. If she is overweight, she is eating more than just to satisfy hunger. I don’t think you are crazy OP, but I do think the oldest has some mental issues going on

I agree with what has already been said. They need more fat and protein at meals. Also I wouldn’t worry about fruit , an entire pint of strawberries is only 116 calories, my kids can eat however much fruit and how many vegetables they want and have eaten that much before.
Kids.eat.in.color on Instagram has also talked about this before if you want to swipe through some of her tips.
https://www.instagram.com/p/CEVHjD1Aelj/?igshid=mcp4m0b1npro

I view this issue as basic human psychology with children or adults. As soon as you label something a finite, rationed, bargained for resource, we humans will want it more.

Stop making food consumption so much of a focus. Stop taking away electronics and fun stuff because they took some crackers. Stop calling their eating "stealing". Stop making eating anything such a big deal. Would you like to have someone following you all day telling you that you just "stole" a cookie? I bet not. So don't do it to your kids. You are teaching them that food is hard to get, so of course they're focused on getting it however they can.

To add to everyone your children are hungry. They should have unlimited access to the amount of food they want/feel they need to eat at all meals and snack times (these should be routine) but you really really need to talk to a professional trained in this to help you implement a better plan around this.

I would cosign the person telling you to consult with an expert.

There's a lot going on here. At their age, they should be able to get themselves a snack, rather than having you "be ready with a snack."

Most (NT, non-traumatized) kids that age will eat when they are hungry, and not eat when they are not. It sounds like that cycle is broken in both of your kids for some reason.

I think the answer will include giving them better choices and more autonomy, not less, but you will need an expert to help you find that balance.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I was half expecting you to say they were shoplifting or stealing food from their friend’s house. Because it’s not stealing when it’s your own house.

Reassess.

+1 LOL