Anonymous wrote:Eye and brain health
Posture
Means time not doing other things he likes/liked to do
Time not outside
Time not exercising
Time not reading
Time not thinking his own thoughts while staring out a window at the sky
Time not with family
Time not learning something new or working on something with his hands

But they are doing all of those things and they still have tons of time to play on line with friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never limited screen time because I feel if we forbid something, it's always what they want.

I have 2 boys, ages 16 and 18. My rules have always been

get As and Bs (both have that ability and are good students)

exercise every day

go outside every day

family dinner/movies/outings are without screens

do your chores'

and if you do that, you can do whatever you want with the rest of your day.

And I never bug them or try to get them off their video games--- I just kind of give them the impression it is lame.

My 18 year old rarely plays video games - maybe never, he does watch a lot of netflix and texts his friends

My 16 year old plays A LOT of video games, but he still does the required things and even he gets tired of it sometimes and turns it off - probably because he knows he can play again whenever. We treat it like no big deal.

This is what we do as well. My older one does play video games but not as much as the younger one. They both find it their social outlet during this time of COVID. The two kids also game together alot so that helps with sibling bonding. Plus, they do limit themselves, and we do give them opportunities (watch a movie with the family, play games, go for a walk/hike) to be offline with us. We have had several conversations about balance that they seem to have internalized. Both get good grades and take school seriously, and both have an outside sport that they still participate in at least 2-3x a week. They also migrate towards the family room in the late evening where we all hang out. Even if we aren't having a lively discussion, we are still together.

I've tried to emulate this and found it doesn't work for us really well because my 14yo son has no activities/hobbies other than reading AND this is how he connects w/ friends from the city we moved from (he hasn't made friends here yet). So during COVID weekends when we're doing very little he could be playing video games all day. During the week, he needs to get outside/exercise 30m (usually walking dog), do HW, do some simple chores, and feed the dog and then he can have an hour of video games. We've 'forced' him to do a sport because he's getting so little exercise on his own and we're hoping he'll fall in love w it. During the weekend it's harder when we don't have plans. Even if we go for a hike there's the rest of the day when he wants to be on the screen. So we had to limit it again to 2 hours in the am and then put away the phone, stop playing games, and do something else until after dinner when he can have a few hours. That's still like 6 hours/day! It is really, really hard but I do think you need to put limits until they learn how to. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:“Because I said so.”

This statement worked for many generations prior. Parents seem to have forgotten what it means to parent.

If you'd read the initial question you would see this exact quote addressed! Do you have anything to add to help with the follow-up question?

Anonymous wrote:I have never limited screen time because I feel if we forbid something, it's always what they want.

I have 2 boys, ages 16 and 18. My rules have always been

get As and Bs (both have that ability and are good students)

exercise every day

go outside every day

family dinner/movies/outings are without screens

do your chores'

and if you do that, you can do whatever you want with the rest of your day.

And I never bug them or try to get them off their video games--- I just kind of give them the impression it is lame.

My 18 year old rarely plays video games - maybe never, he does watch a lot of netflix and texts his friends

My 16 year old plays A LOT of video games, but he still does the required things and even he gets tired of it sometimes and turns it off - probably because he knows he can play again whenever. We treat it like no big deal.

This is what we do as well. My older one does play video games but not as much as the younger one. They both find it their social outlet during this time of COVID. The two kids also game together alot so that helps with sibling bonding. Plus, they do limit themselves, and we do give them opportunities (watch a movie with the family, play games, go for a walk/hike) to be offline with us. We have had several conversations about balance that they seem to have internalized. Both get good grades and take school seriously, and both have an outside sport that they still participate in at least 2-3x a week. They also migrate towards the family room in the late evening where we all hang out. Even if we aren't having a lively discussion, we are still together.

‘Because I said so’

“Because I said so.”

This statement worked for many generations prior. Parents seem to have forgotten what it means to parent.

Video games are a social outlet for kids especially now more than ever and places like school are online. The tricky part is how much is too much and balancing moderation.

What other social outlets does your kid have?

Anonymous wrote:I tell DS that the brain is like the human body. Just like you eat a lot of different foods to keep your body healthy, you need to do a little different things to keep the brain healthy: spatial things with physical objects, sensory experiences with smell and texture, physical things, different kings of mental activities (like the difference between reading and writing uses completely different parts of the brain.)

I like this advice

Read "Reset Your Child's Brain". Tons of reasons why screens, particularly interactive games, are bad.

We have strict time limits -- they can play video games for 2 hours every weekday. On weekends, they can play longer, but in the morning, it's screen free. During screen free time, they can do anything they want, so long as it's not on screens. My 10 year old constantly says it's boring, but boring is good, because it forces imagination. I've also repeatedly stressed that the mind is a muscle, and it won't get stronger through video games.

I'm the PP with the list.

Yes, my hands off approach with this has also led to other good things.

My 16 year old is on the chess team at school and plays a lot --- most of it is now on line, but it's still a good brain activity. Also reads novels for fun, although mostly weird anime comics, but whatever.

18 year old is an accomplished violin player.

Both are very good students.

Play instruments ^^^

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never limited screen time because I feel if we forbid something, it's always what they want.

I have 2 boys, ages 16 and 18. My rules have always been

get As and Bs (both have that ability and are good students)

exercise every day

go outside every day

family dinner/movies/outings are without screens

do your chores'

and if you do that, you can do whatever you want with the rest of your day.

And I never bug them or try to get them off their video games--- I just kind of give them the impression it is lame.

My 18 year old rarely plays video games - maybe never, he does watch a lot of netflix and texts his friends

My 16 year old plays A LOT of video games, but he still does the required things and even he gets tired of it sometimes and turns it off - probably because he knows he can play again whenever. We treat it like no big deal.

Same here, no limits if HW and chores are done. DS gets screens taken away as punishment, but I had to do it only one time. Definitely he is playing more with COVID and cold weather, but grades are good, chores are done and he is generally nice to be around, respectful tween, so why limit something he enjoys?

Out of curiosity do your kids okay instruments, have other hobbies, read for fun?

I tell DS that the brain is like the human body. Just like you eat a lot of different foods to keep your body healthy, you need to do a little different things to keep the brain healthy: spatial things with physical objects, sensory experiences with smell and texture, physical things, different kings of mental activities (like the difference between reading and writing uses completely different parts of the brain.)

Have them (you too) read this from the NYT about we are all going to have a tough time unplugging once the pandemic is over

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/16/health/covid-kids-tech-use.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage