Anonymous
01/16/2021 20:56
Subject: Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
Anonymous wrote:OP here- the milk thing is because she would drink 40oz of milk a day if allowed and not touch food. It's been an ongoing issues with her ped. We have finally been able to get it to a manageable amount if we are strict with the 3x a day rule. Then she knows milk is coming if she waits.
We really have very few rules. She can eat anywhere in the house, as long as she's not lying down. She picks out her clothes and doesn't have to change if she doesn't want to. We use Ellyn Satter method for food and don't comment on what she eats, ever. She gets to choose what she wants for breakfast and lunch and snack time, she's allowed snacks whenever.
Some kids are just...like this. It's not about my control issues. I will say, she is incredibly smart. She knows her abcs, numbers etc by sight, can count to 20, say 4 word sentences. Maybe she's bored?
I will check out the explosive child. I had bad anxiety as a kid, but that was more due to families circumstances, could this be anxiety?
Yes, this is what anxiety looks like in young kids. Read the explosive child and consider taking Dan Shapiro’s class I think it is the Parent Child Journey. You should also consider if your own anxiety may be returning in a different form. The rules/ expectations you’ve mentioned seem a bit rigid and that can stem from your own anxiety due to the previous health issues.
Anonymous
01/16/2021 17:23
Subject: Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
Just an idea for the milk: Can you get a container that holds her milk for the day, and then give her milk whenever she wants but when it's gone for the day, it's gone?
We limit my daughter to 2 cups of milk a day because that's the recommendation and because if we let her have more she would never drink water or eat any other food....
I also think maybe don't bring in a nanny who thinks your child is weird/unusual?
We limit my daughter to 2 cups of milk a day because that's the recommendation and because if we let her have more she would never drink water or eat any other food....
I also think maybe don't bring in a nanny who thinks your child is weird/unusual?
Anonymous
01/16/2021 15:29
Subject: Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
Anonymous wrote:OP here- I'm just going to ignore the unhelpful posts. Thanks for taking the time to chime in though I guess! The nanny is a career nanny who has been doing this for 25 years. We've also gotten comments from a pediatrician family member and my MIL who raised six kids. We also have another child who isn't anything like this, so I do have some perspective.
An example: today she didn't get milk when she asked for it, even though she know (we never, ever waiver on this) that she only gets it for breakfast, at nap and at bedtime. While crying she purposefully sprinted into a wall, purposefully hit her head ON the wall and started screaming on the floor. This went on for about 30 minutes. This was one of about 15 meltdowns today.
I AM trying to change my parenting, that's why I asked for tips and techniques from those who have BTDT. Thank you to anyone with experience to share!
This sounds out of the ordinary. Fir what it’s worth my son just got diagnosed with autism and did stuff like this.
Anonymous
01/16/2021 15:25
Subject: Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
OP, I would deprive her of an audience for her meltdowns. Like in the milk one-a quick glance to make sure there was no blood, then walk away without talking to her and leave her in her fit.
If you are trying to reason with her, or stand there looking distressed, it just feeds into it.
If you are trying to reason with her, or stand there looking distressed, it just feeds into it.
Anonymous
01/16/2021 14:11
Subject: Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
overall
Anonymous
01/16/2021 14:10
Subject: Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would let go of rules like the milk rule. Ask yourself what the essential rules are in your house and enforce those (the essential ones are probably about safety, not about how often she gets milk). Your daughter might be having trouble with too many rules.
This 100%. Pick your battles - figure out where you have to be firm like safety issues but don’t make every single thing a battle.
I’d compromise by giving her a little more milk and letting her choose when. Do you want a small cup of milk with your morning snack or afternoon snack? She oversl sounds like a child that would do better with choices barring anything dangerous.
Anonymous
01/16/2021 14:02
Subject: Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
Anonymous wrote:I would let go of rules like the milk rule. Ask yourself what the essential rules are in your house and enforce those (the essential ones are probably about safety, not about how often she gets milk). Your daughter might be having trouble with too many rules.
This 100%. Pick your battles - figure out where you have to be firm like safety issues but don’t make every single thing a battle.
Anonymous
01/15/2021 10:14
Subject: Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
OP here- the milk thing is because she would drink 40oz of milk a day if allowed and not touch food. It's been an ongoing issues with her ped. We have finally been able to get it to a manageable amount if we are strict with the 3x a day rule. Then she knows milk is coming if she waits.
We really have very few rules. She can eat anywhere in the house, as long as she's not lying down. She picks out her clothes and doesn't have to change if she doesn't want to. We use Ellyn Satter method for food and don't comment on what she eats, ever. She gets to choose what she wants for breakfast and lunch and snack time, she's allowed snacks whenever.
Some kids are just...like this. It's not about my control issues. I will say, she is incredibly smart. She knows her abcs, numbers etc by sight, can count to 20, say 4 word sentences. Maybe she's bored?
I will check out the explosive child. I had bad anxiety as a kid, but that was more due to families circumstances, could this be anxiety?
We really have very few rules. She can eat anywhere in the house, as long as she's not lying down. She picks out her clothes and doesn't have to change if she doesn't want to. We use Ellyn Satter method for food and don't comment on what she eats, ever. She gets to choose what she wants for breakfast and lunch and snack time, she's allowed snacks whenever.
Some kids are just...like this. It's not about my control issues. I will say, she is incredibly smart. She knows her abcs, numbers etc by sight, can count to 20, say 4 word sentences. Maybe she's bored?
I will check out the explosive child. I had bad anxiety as a kid, but that was more due to families circumstances, could this be anxiety?
Anonymous
01/15/2021 10:02
Subject: Re:Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
Op, I'm guessing you already do this, but in case not: are you heaping praise on her when she does self-regulate, not explode, etc.? If, for example, she explodes one day, but the next day, remains calm under similar circumstances, I might say: "Hey, you know what I just noticed? You're doing such a great job of [insert whatever positive thing she's doing]! I'm really proud of you, way to go!" No matter how small the improvement, lavish the praise.
I also agree with the good suggestions from the previous posters.
I also agree with the good suggestions from the previous posters.
Anonymous
01/15/2021 08:44
Subject: Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
Don’t follow parenting advice for neurotypical kids
Anonymous
01/15/2021 08:12
Subject: Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
Some kids tend to be just like their parents. I wonder if this is the case, you want it your way or the high way and kids wants it his/her way or the highway.
Give us a better example, how flexible are you with the kid? Perhaps your older is just that kid that is scared to do anything due to your rigid rules, and this is just a normal kid?
Give us a better example, how flexible are you with the kid? Perhaps your older is just that kid that is scared to do anything due to your rigid rules, and this is just a normal kid?
Anonymous
01/15/2021 08:03
Subject: Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
Anonymous wrote:Why so stringent on the milk rule? That seams like such a weird hill go die on. Sure I get soda or juice ...but milk?
Sounds like you have a lot of control issues and that’s what’s causing her emotional breakdowns.
Figure out if this is the issue. If you don't sort this out while she's little, it'll come back in more serious ways when she's 18.
Anonymous
01/15/2021 07:44
Subject: Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
Why so stringent on the milk rule? That seams like such a weird hill go die on. Sure I get soda or juice ...but milk?
Sounds like you have a lot of control issues and that’s what’s causing her emotional breakdowns.
Sounds like you have a lot of control issues and that’s what’s causing her emotional breakdowns.
Anonymous
01/15/2021 07:42
Subject: Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
Anonymous wrote:I prefer The Explosive Child instead of 1 2 3 Magic. Have tried both and The Explosive Child works better for my explosive child.
Same. 123 magic was useless for us. Fwiw, kid is now 10 and so sweet and well mannered.
Anonymous
01/15/2021 07:41
Subject: Re:Tips for kids who are "handfuls"
Spank him on the bottom.