Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely have a police officer talk to her.

Very bad advice.

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely have a police officer talk to her.

The cop will arrest her for disseminating child porn. She will have to register for life as a sex offender. Involving the cops will make this so much worse.

- prosecutor

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you make clear that those messages and photos could end up all over school, or all over the internet, etc. They aren't private. And if she can't use a phone responsibly, she can't have a phone. She loses it for a longer period of time.

+1. And the photos could show back up among her peers in the future. You deleted it but they didn't.

I would absolutely have a police officer talk to her.

Anonymous wrote:It's illegal, call the police on the boy

it's illegal, but she is the one who is committing an illegal act. Involving police in this situation isn't going to make anyone safer.

Look OP, sending nudes is illegal (albeit very common) and obviously problematic for somebody so young. Sending verbally provocative messages isn't illegal and, quite frankly, the only outlet a lot of kids have right now since they can't see each other in person. Young teens are sexual beings, you can't wave that away with a magic wand by taking away her phone. This is really less a situation that calls for "consequences" and more one that calls for communication and education. You HAVE to see her where she is. You have to acknowledge that she is craving attention and is learning how to get it by "using her words." I work in health care and I see the kids all the time who's parents attempt to control their behavior by force and you know what? It doesn't work. They don't have the tools to keep themselves safe and are at greater risk for all the things parents worry about (pregnancy/STIs/non-consensual sex etc.)

I have 2 teenagers, I recognize how hard it is to see them as sexual beings. You can't stop that from happening, the best you can do is guide it in a safe and healthy direction. I strongly encourage you to read Peggy Orenstein's books (Boys and Sex, Girls and Sex) for a thoughtful approach to get you started.

Anonymous wrote:It's illegal, call the police on the boy

Call the police on the boy for what? He didn’t force her to send the pictures. If he’s held liable, so should the girl. Girls need to learn to stop with this shite. If a boy asks, kick him in the balls and delete his number.

It's illegal, call the police on the boy

Take the phone away. Not for a month or three, just take it away. She has demonstrated she is not mature enough to have one. Forbid dating. Sure they can talk at school and there is nothing you can do about that, but outside of school? Nope! She is too young, OP! Remember, you’re not her friend, you’re her parent! It sounds like she needs some tough love right now.

I wish you luck! This is such a difficult time to be/parent a kid this age.

Her actions can ruin her future education and job prospects. She really needs to understand the long term effects. Do you know anyone in law enforcement or a lawyer who can have a chat with her and give her a good scare?

OP, I'm sorry and know this is incredibly stressful. I'm not sure about the specifics for all states or if it's a federal thing, but if she is sharing nudes, she can get in trouble for sharing the pictures, even if she's only sharing pictures of herself. It sounds as if you are aware and have shared the emotional and mental concerns with her, but maybe she would take this more seriously if she realized there might be legal consequences, too. I apologize if I missed a comment about this, but has she made other choices that concern you in the past or more recently?

How old is the boy, and where are his parents in this?

Of course she does not have it now
And will not be having it back for I don’t know how long

The last time I took it away for more than a month
And the only way I could even hold her back is beg them to take a few months break to think it over
So when the three months was close I spoke to her about how it would be better to not just date til she got older
And that backfired and they started talking behind my back and now this

She said they would not be talking inappropriately if I allowed them to speak openly
Should I fall for this? and let them talk in front of us?

Anonymous wrote:why on earth does she still have a phone???

I came here to ask this.

Seriously, OP...

It is a very difficult time these days to keep your child too busy for things like a “boyfriend” she has no need for, but that’s the best thing you could do. And no communications gear other than a kitchen landline. And no unsupervised recreation.

OP here
She is 13 sadly going to be 14 in a month that’s why I am trying to tell her dating overall at this age is dangerous but of course the more I stop her the more she does it behind my back

If she was 17 I would only worry about internet safety
At 13 I am worried about her mental health too and just the general over sexuality