Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only men I've known to care about a woman's money beyond fiscal responsibility were more often than not the type of men you wouldn't want to date or be married to.

Funny, as a woman who always has had high earning potential, my observation is that the men who “didn’t care” whether their wives made good money or not were not the type of man my friends or I would have ever wanted to be with. I guess it makes sense that women who have crappy jobs are looking for different things in their husbands and willing to trade off certain desirable things in order to secure a man with a higher income. Fwiw, DH and I are both high earning ($500k+ each).

Also side note: men who say they don’t have a strong preference for whether a woman works or not... this is code speak for “I prefer a stay at home wife”. These men have a particular idea of how their lives are going to look, and the role their wife will play.

Most men, high income or not, when dating legitimately prefer the idea of a wife who works. It’s not until kids come around that they realize it may work better for wife to stay home. Or alternatively they prefer wife to keep working, but wife doesn’t want to once kids come, and they are supportive of wife’s decision, even if not their preference. But dudes who say they don’t care actually do care- and these are the red flag men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only men I've known to care about a woman's money beyond fiscal responsibility were more often than not the type of men you wouldn't want to date or be married to.

Funny, as a woman who always has had high earning potential, my observation is that the men who “didn’t care” whether their wives made good money or not were not the type of man my friends or I would have ever wanted to be with. I guess it makes sense that women who have crappy jobs are looking for different things in their husbands and willing to trade off certain desirable things in order to secure a man with a higher income. Fwiw, DH and I are both high earning ($500k+ each).

Also side note: men who say they don’t have a strong preference for whether a woman works or not... this is code speak for “I prefer a stay at home wife”. These men have a particular idea of how their lives are going to look, and the role their wife will play.

Most men, high income or not, when dating legitimately prefer the idea of a wife who works. It’s not until kids come around that they realize it may work better for wife to stay home. Or alternatively they prefer wife to keep working, but wife doesn’t want to once kids come, and they are supportive of wife’s decision, even if not their preference. But dudes who say they don’t care actually do care- and these are the red flag men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely part of the whole package.

The night I met my wife it was because she was smoking hot. When I later found out she had a graduate degree in STEM and a great job—that made her even more attractive.

We don’t need her salary, but she has always been able to work from home since our kids were born and what she does has value which I respect a lot.

She is extremely bright and seeing our sons easily are straight A students in all honors/AP as well as athletic and good-looking like her...I chose right.

This is what I see IRL too. Educated UMC men typically want to marry educated UMC women who have the same views on education etc to raise their children. The SAHMs married to high earning men have advanced degrees and stopped working to raise the kids because the husband has a demanding career that pays well. It's too hectic for them to also have a wife who works when they have kids. I see a lot of big law husbands married to SAHMs who used to practice law too. No way can you raise well adjusted children with two big law parents. I've also seen your set up with the wife taking a mommy track position and acting as the default parent, or taking a year or two off here or there.

I’m the pp and I agree with this.

The reason I was able to keep my job with my husband’s more demanding one was because I had the ability to WAH with a flex schedule.

I didn’t want to give up face time when my kids were young. I probably would have dropped to part-time if I didn’t have that ability because I need work structure or I get lazy and my brain gets soft.

If my spouse was a surgeon with crazy on-call or a profession where he traveled constantly it would be tough to juggle. My husband was able to get all local work once our first child was born. He’s an independent consultant. My Fed health benefits helped with his ability to consult independently and keep great benefits. It’s a team.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only men I've known to care about a woman's money beyond fiscal responsibility were more often than not the type of men you wouldn't want to date or be married to.

Why? Because you may have to be an adult and pull your own weight? You sound like a lazy freeloader.

I guess I fall more toward the latter. I am 40, DC area, and make between $250-$300k annually (depending on bonus), with good advancement potential.

My DW could stay home on that, but with three kids, I don’t think we would reach all our goals (house, retirement, college savings, travel).

Instead, she works, making $160k. That is a huge help, and with our combined salaries, we have much more economic freedom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but I make good money. If I didn't, perhaps I would.

This. Men with a very high income don't care. They likely won't marry a waitress (but never say never), but fields that don't pay a lot such as mid level practitioner, social work, therapist, non-profit are all fine.

If a man is making a closer to average salary and not able to support a SAH spouse while still maintaining lifestyle and financial goals, then what the spouse makes it much more important. In other words, if the spouse's income will go toward a significant portion of household finances, what they make matters.

Matt Damon did and is still married to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but I make good money. If I didn't, perhaps I would.

This. Men with a very high income don't care. They likely won't marry a waitress (but never say never), but fields that don't pay a lot such as mid level practitioner, social work, therapist, non-profit are all fine.

If a man is making a closer to average salary and not able to support a SAH spouse while still maintaining lifestyle and financial goals, then what the spouse makes it much more important. In other words, if the spouse's income will go toward a significant portion of household finances, what they make matters.

I guess I fall more toward the latter. I am 40, DC area, and make between $250-$300k annually (depending on bonus), with good advancement potential.

My DW could stay home on that, but with three kids, I don’t think we would reach all our goals (house, retirement, college savings, travel).

Instead, she works, making $160k. That is a huge help, and with our combined salaries, we have much more economic freedom. Trips to Rome, Hawaii, Vail. Private school for kids when public schools let us down. I value those things, and that my wife works hard for our family (just like I do).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but I make good money. If I didn't, perhaps I would.

This. Men with a very high income don't care. They likely won't marry a waitress (but never say never), but fields that don't pay a lot such as mid level practitioner, social work, therapist, non-profit are all fine.

If a man is making a closer to average salary and not able to support a SAH spouse while still maintaining lifestyle and financial goals, then what the spouse makes it much more important. In other words, if the spouse's income will go toward a significant portion of household finances, what they make matters.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I don’t see it as the actual salary per se, but more from an educational and motivational standard.

You can tell early on which women never plan to work outside if the house and for me that is a fundamental mismatch. This is much different than a woman that has a stimulating job/profession and we jointly decide for one of us to reduce hours or step out of the work force temporarily.

If a woman had a fluff degree and can’t handle her own bills or be on her own before marriage—that’s a red flag for me. I want to raise competent, motivated intelligent children...especially daughters that are t taught “the man is the plan”. Plans can go horribly wrong.

Anonymous wrote:The only men I've known to care about a woman's money beyond fiscal responsibility were more often than not the type of men you wouldn't want to date or be married to.

Anonymous wrote:The only men I've known to care about a woman's money beyond fiscal responsibility were more often than not the type of men you wouldn't want to date or be married to.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I don’t see it as the actual salary per se, but more from an educational and motivational standard.

You can tell early on which women never plan to work outside if the house and for me that is a fundamental mismatch. This is much different than a woman that has a stimulating job/profession and we jointly decide for one of us to reduce hours or step out of the work force temporarily.

If a woman had a fluff degree and can’t handle her own bills or be on her own before marriage—that’s a red flag for me. I want to raise competent, motivated intelligent children...especially daughters that are t taught “the man is the plan”. Plans can go horribly wrong.