Wow, I had no idea others had this kind of help. My parents are older and were past wanting to help at that point.

When DS was born my mom came out for about 3 months, my dad came out for a week and then had to return to work. My mom is a part time professor and was able to get her teaching done the first half of the semester. In laws came out for 2 days while we were in the hospital after baby was born. They flew home before we were discharged from the hospital.

For DD both my parents came out an other 3 months. Which was a great help. They were able to help with DS and just keep me company. In laws never came out.

Yes my MIL came each time, but only early for the 2nd and 3rd. She stayed with the kids while I was in labor and at the hospital. We do not always get along, but I was happy to have her there and not to have that worry. She would stay a week before and a week after.

My parents came around the 4-6 week mark, for about a week. We like to get out of the house and do things, so we timed it that I would have the energy to do so. Both parents gave us space to figure things out and bond on our own, but were happy to help if we needed a break, or laundry done, dinner cooked, etc.

My parents came from Asia and stayed 6 months with us when my baby was born. I am immensely grateful.

Anonymous wrote:My parents rented a house down the street for 6 months each time. I didn't need any help with the baby though (I found babies very easy, but I know that's not everyone's experience), but I needed company. It's super lonely if you're an extrovert. They also could help with older kids. My dad took my oldest to breakfast and then daycare every day during my maternity leave. It seems simple, but it was the biggest help anyone ever gave me. I was always exhausted from nursing at night and didn't want to wake a sleeping baby to drive to daycare. My daughter also liked the individual attention because it was a big shift for her. My mom brought over dinner a few times a week, went shopping with me and just watched Netflix with me while I nursed. (If anyone asks where dh was, he took 2 weeks and then 6 weeks when I went back to work). Also, for my 2nd baby it was so helpful that they were down the street. My husband was overseas in Asia until I was 37 weeks each time and it made me nervous I wouldn't have anyone to care for my older kids. My inlaws were an hour away, but never offered backup care in case I went into labor.

Wow this is honestly so lovely, and the perfect help. You are so lucky!

My mom planned to come for 1 week, but then COVID happened. She has flown to my sister for 1 week for each of her kids to help with cooking/cleaning/childcare for older kid/everything other than baby for the first week home from hospital, and is a tremendous help. I am really sad she wasn't able to come for my first child this summer (and in fact has still not met him. F you, COVID).

For DC #1 (a very very very long induction) both parents were here and even in the hospital room til husband told them to leave. They stayed for two weeks after birth.

For DC #2 (a slightly shorter but still long induction) both parents came two days before induction date to watch DC#1. Stayed about two weeks again.

Hoping that they will be able to be here for DC#3 in early summer, but mostly just for the childcare.

Oh and second time they did a two day drive to get here so that they could have their car to go places with DC.

To be frank, looking back I don’t really see the need for family being there at/immediately after birth when it’s the first child if you have a partner who can be there.

No.

My parents rented a house down the street for 6 months each time. I didn't need any help with the baby though (I found babies very easy, but I know that's not everyone's experience), but I needed company. It's super lonely if you're an extrovert. They also could help with older kids. My dad took my oldest to breakfast and then daycare every day during my maternity leave. It seems simple, but it was the biggest help anyone ever gave me. I was always exhausted from nursing at night and didn't want to wake a sleeping baby to drive to daycare. My daughter also liked the individual attention because it was a big shift for her. My mom brought over dinner a few times a week, went shopping with me and just watched Netflix with me while I nursed. (If anyone asks where dh was, he took 2 weeks and then 6 weeks when I went back to work). Also, for my 2nd baby it was so helpful that they were down the street. My husband was overseas in Asia until I was 37 weeks each time and it made me nervous I wouldn't have anyone to care for my older kids. My inlaws were an hour away, but never offered backup care in case I went into labor.

If you are going to have help, IMO, weeks 4-8, up to week 12 if possible, are the most helpful.

Weeks 1 and 2 you are likely still on adrenaline. I dont like people being around me during this period- just me, baby, and DH.

Weeks 3 and 4 - youve likely got more appointments, maybe issues with breastfeeding, the adrenaline has worn off, if your partner was lucky enough to get leave this is usually when they go back, at least part-time (mine was unfortunately back at day 4).

Weeks 3-8- highest rates of baby discomfort, adjustment, etc.

Weeks 4-12 highest incidence of PP depression and anxiety.

My mom came for a month. It was awesome and I missed her a ton when she left. She helped with meals and housework, which was nice, but mostly it was nice to have company during the day when my husband went back to work, and someone to take care of me when everyone else just cared about the new baby.

My parents bought a one-way ticket for a week before my due date, but DC1 ended up arriving 12 days early. They ended up staying until DC was 6 weeks old (so they were here for about 5 weeks total I think), but stayed with my sister until DH went back to work (he was home for 2 weeks) and then stayed at my sister's over the weekends, and with us during the week so I would have help when DH was at work (it's possible my dad did not stay the whole 6 weeks, I honestly can't remember right now). DC had breastfeeding issues and I had to triple feed and it honestly would have been impossible without the extra hands. It ended up being longer than we had initially anticipated, but since they could go to my sister's part of the time, it worked out well (she lives about 40 minutes away and has 3 kids who were happy for grandparent time).

For DC2 due this summer, I'm really hoping they'll be able to come in advance and watch DC1 when I go to the hospital, and then do the same thing where they stay at sister's until DH goes back to work, but hopefully we also move by then and are in a house with a guest room rather than a 2-bedroom condo.

My parents lived locally (about an hour drive away) when I had my kids and helped as much as they could (but both were still working full time.)

Dh's parents lived about an 8 hour drive/1 hour flight away. They came when baby #1 was about 6 weeks old for the baptism, but not to help (literally only came to the house for the party after the baptism) They didn't come at all for the subsequent kids.

Pre-COVID: My parents came down when I went into labor and stayed about a week. In-laws came when our daughter was about a month old, and stayed 2 weeks.

Once I went back to work, my mom and MIL alternated taking care of DD until she was 10 months old and started going to daycare.

My inlaws came when the baby was three weeks old. They both stayed one week and then FIL went home and MIL stayed one more week.