Eli_whitney wrote:Does holding hands work? I would have liked that or the passing 'pat' mentioned in a previous post more than mere repetitive words. What more? Pat, pizza and an occasional BJ..he should already be on cloud nine!

Yes, we hold hands in bed or while watching TV, but the questions don’t stop. Lol

After just a few months affirmation love language sounds like a title to a terrible Lifetime movie. Yuck, there are so many other ways of showing affection other than "affirmative love language" whatever that is. My BF and now husband of many years was/is a man of few words but he has a way of looking and smiling at me that says everything I need to hear. If I mentioned "affirmative love language" to him he would barf.

When I’m behind her, I tell her I love her phat azz.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is quality time and acts of service. His is words of affirmation and physical affection. I’m not from a demonstrative family and we didn’t talk about feelings. He thinks I’m too guarded and I can tell he needs more verbally. I’d rather bring him a pizza or give him a BJ, but I’m trying! Anyone have any advice on how to make this easier on me so I can give him what he needs?

NP here. Do you want to keep seeing him?

Yes.

He sounds like a drama boy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op— to clarify, this is someone I’ve been dating a couple months. I’m not in love yet.

If only two months he is happy with a BJ and pizza.

He asks for verbal reassurance though

I am a words of affirmation and physical touch woman and DH is an acts of service quality time guy. Generally we are happy in our marriage although my dislike of 'acts of service' can be an issue from time to time.

However, it's way too early for this to be an issue in the relationship in my opinion. Assuming that you are being a considerate and kind person generally in your conversations, him asking specifically for 'reassurance' so early in the relationship is very odd. This guy sounds needy and manipulative. As his partner, it's not your job to manage his fragile ego.

DH is not a talkative person and does not generally say 'reassuring' types of things to me unless I specifically ask for it in a rough situation. He does say I love you daily though, but that didn't start until we were actually in love, and you are not even there yet.

This is kind of BS, in that it kind of defeats what early relationships *should* be. So much posturing and sidestepping your own needs so you can.. what? Find that later someone can’t meet your needs. We really should stop the “needy” narrative and actually allow adults to discuss their needs, like, well, adults. Why wait until you’re “in love” to find that the person you’re with is a totally different person than you thought, and vice versa?

Can you explain what you don’t like about acts of service? I offered to drop off food when he was sick last month and he didn’t respond to that text, but has responded within min to every other text I’ve ever sent.,

Anonymous wrote:This is one of my love languages and not my DH.

He has an alarm on his phone set at random times to remind him of love language wive.

Sometimes it is actual spoken word ( thanks for something, appreciate for something, etc).

Sometimes it is a sweet note on our white board, a nice text, or a sweet email.

Also remember though that lack of affirmation and hurtful words especially in a fight are more potent to a words of affirmation love languager.

Good to know. I joke a lot and he takes it to heart more than he should.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is quality time and acts of service. His is words of affirmation and physical affection. I’m not from a demonstrative family and we didn’t talk about feelings. He thinks I’m too guarded and I can tell he needs more verbally. I’d rather bring him a pizza or give him a BJ, but I’m trying! Anyone have any advice on how to make this easier on me so I can give him what he needs?

NP here. Do you want to keep seeing him?

Yes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op— to clarify, this is someone I’ve been dating a couple months. I’m not in love yet.

You should know by now

It’s been 11 weeks. We’ve seen each other 15 times.

The last two times I was in love it took 6 or so months of seeing/ talking every day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op— to clarify, this is someone I’ve been dating a couple months. I’m not in love yet.

If only two months he is happy with a BJ and pizza.

He asks for verbal reassurance though

I am a words of affirmation and physical touch woman and DH is an acts of service quality time guy. Generally we are happy in our marriage although my dislike of 'acts of service' can be an issue from time to time.

However, it's way too early for this to be an issue in the relationship in my opinion. Assuming that you are being a considerate and kind person generally in your conversations, him asking specifically for 'reassurance' so early in the relationship is very odd. This guy sounds needy and manipulative. As his partner, it's not your job to manage his fragile ego.

DH is not a talkative person and does not generally say 'reassuring' types of things to me unless I specifically ask for it in a rough situation. He does say I love you daily though, but that didn't start until we were actually in love, and you are not even there yet.

This is kind of BS, in that it kind of defeats what early relationships *should* be. So much posturing and sidestepping your own needs so you can.. what? Find that later someone can’t meet your needs. We really should stop the “needy” narrative and actually allow adults to discuss their needs, like, well, adults. Why wait until you’re “in love” to find that the person you’re with is a totally different person than you thought, and vice versa?

Fair enough, to each his own. Personally I would not be compatible with a man who repeated asked me for 'reassurance' this early in a relationship. Sometimes people are just not compatible partners in the long-term and that no amount of 'love language' awareness can fix this. Perhaps OP is a person who is more amenable to providing her partner more 'reassurance' and validation frequently. It's hard for me to imagine being attracted to and compatible with such a person who is always seeking validation, but that may be specific to me and something that is more plateable for the OP.

Again... isn’t it better to find out early on that you’re not compatible? Just like you don’t want a validation seeker, some people don’t want to be touched all the time, or don’t like to feel like an ATM, but physical touch and gifts may be important to the other person.

This is one of my love languages and not my DH.

He has an alarm on his phone set at random times to remind him of love language wive.

Sometimes it is actual spoken word ( thanks for something, appreciate for something, etc).

Sometimes it is a sweet note on our white board, a nice text, or a sweet email.

Also remember though that lack of affirmation and hurtful words especially in a fight are more potent to a words of affirmation love languager.

Does holding hands work? I would have liked that or the passing 'pat' mentioned in a previous post more than mere repetitive words. What more? Pat, pizza and an occasional BJ..he should already be on cloud nine!

Anonymous wrote:Mine is quality time and acts of service. His is words of affirmation and physical affection. I’m not from a demonstrative family and we didn’t talk about feelings. He thinks I’m too guarded and I can tell he needs more verbally. I’d rather bring him a pizza or give him a BJ, but I’m trying! Anyone have any advice on how to make this easier on me so I can give him what he needs?

NP here. Do you want to keep seeing him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op— to clarify, this is someone I’ve been dating a couple months. I’m not in love yet.

If only two months he is happy with a BJ and pizza.

He asks for verbal reassurance though

I am a words of affirmation and physical touch woman and DH is an acts of service quality time guy. Generally we are happy in our marriage although my dislike of 'acts of service' can be an issue from time to time.

However, it's way too early for this to be an issue in the relationship in my opinion. Assuming that you are being a considerate and kind person generally in your conversations, him asking specifically for 'reassurance' so early in the relationship is very odd. This guy sounds needy and manipulative. As his partner, it's not your job to manage his fragile ego.

DH is not a talkative person and does not generally say 'reassuring' types of things to me unless I specifically ask for it in a rough situation. He does say I love you daily though, but that didn't start until we were actually in love, and you are not even there yet.

This is kind of BS, in that it kind of defeats what early relationships *should* be. So much posturing and sidestepping your own needs so you can.. what? Find that later someone can’t meet your needs. We really should stop the “needy” narrative and actually allow adults to discuss their needs, like, well, adults. Why wait until you’re “in love” to find that the person you’re with is a totally different person than you thought, and vice versa?

Fair enough, to each his own. Personally I would not be compatible with a man who repeated asked me for 'reassurance' this early in a relationship. Sometimes people are just not compatible partners in the long-term and that no amount of 'love language' awareness can fix this. Perhaps OP is a person who is more amenable to providing her partner more 'reassurance' and validation frequently. It's hard for me to imagine being attracted to and compatible with such a person who is always seeking validation, but that may be specific to me and something that is more plateable for the OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op— to clarify, this is someone I’ve been dating a couple months. I’m not in love yet.

If only two months he is happy with a BJ and pizza.

He asks for verbal reassurance though

I am a words of affirmation and physical touch woman and DH is an acts of service quality time guy. Generally we are happy in our marriage although my dislike of 'acts of service' can be an issue from time to time.

However, it's way too early for this to be an issue in the relationship in my opinion. Assuming that you are being a considerate and kind person generally in your conversations, him asking specifically for 'reassurance' so early in the relationship is very odd. This guy sounds needy and manipulative. As his partner, it's not your job to manage his fragile ego.

DH is not a talkative person and does not generally say 'reassuring' types of things to me unless I specifically ask for it in a rough situation. He does say I love you daily though, but that didn't start until we were actually in love, and you are not even there yet.

This is kind of BS, in that it kind of defeats what early relationships *should* be. So much posturing and sidestepping your own needs so you can.. what? Find that later someone can’t meet your needs. We really should stop the “needy” narrative and actually allow adults to discuss their needs, like, well, adults. Why wait until you’re “in love” to find that the person you’re with is a totally different person than you thought, and vice versa?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op— to clarify, this is someone I’ve been dating a couple months. I’m not in love yet.

If only two months he is happy with a BJ and pizza.

He asks for verbal reassurance though

I am a words of affirmation and physical touch woman and DH is an acts of service quality time guy. Generally we are happy in our marriage although my dislike of 'acts of service' can be an issue from time to time.

However, it's way too early for this to be an issue in the relationship in my opinion. Assuming that you are being a considerate and kind person generally in your conversations, him asking specifically for 'reassurance' so early in the relationship is very odd. This guy sounds needy and manipulative. As his partner, it's not your job to manage his fragile ego.

DH is not a talkative person and does not generally say 'reassuring' types of things to me unless I specifically ask for it in a rough situation. He does say I love you daily though, but that didn't start until we were actually in love, and you are not even there yet.