I struggled with anxiety before, during, and after. I came off my SSRI (for anxiety) prior to conception because I did not want to be on medication. However I do acknowledge that significant anxiety might warrant pharmacotherapy during pregnancy if it is causing significant distress. I agree with PP to seek out support and resources now because the anxiety post-partum was far worse.

I had horrible anxiety the whole time (and I was already on an SSRI). It’s the reason we’re stopping at one. Your baby will be fine, I promise! But, you should start thinking now about how you want to manage your anxiety, and to talk to your doctor about postpartum. It sounds like you are suffering and would benefit from therapy and anxiety medication. Take care of yourself, OP!

Anonymous wrote:I had 2 stressful pregnancies. The first one was stressful due to external factors in my life (very serious). The second one was stressful because the doctors thought there was something seriously wrong with the baby at first, but there wasn't. My first kid does have some anxiety, but the second is very chill, and both were definitely exposed to stress in utero.

One thing I thought was helpful was reading the book Expecting Better by Emily Oster.

Good luck, OP. Imagine a friend telling you your own story as theirs. What would you say to them?

Awesome! I will check this book out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a difference between being "a nervous wreck" and having clinical anxiety/unmanageable stress that's causing physical harm.

I think being a nervous wreck or just stressed is normal, though maybe not ideal.

Honestly, it sounds like you have not recovered from your anxiety, and now you are just anxious about how anxious you were. I know it's hard to let it go, but I think you just have to let it go. You are presumably getting high quality prenatal care and doing the best you can. That's all you can do.

not really helpful. Thanks

I tried to be clear upfront. My question wasn't about assessing what kind of stress I have. Maybe I do have clinical anxiety (?) so 1) its not helpful to know that it can cause physical harm - I already know. And I also didnt ask what I should do about it. Its obviously not easy to just "let it go" when its a legitimate issue and I am in therapy about it. I was pretty explicit in my question about positive outcomes, so not sure why you are chiming in to this thread. Thanks

Sorry. It sounded from your post like you were more like the typically stressed first time mom vs. someone with panic attacks, etc. i think you're hearing a lot of "positive stories" from people with normal first time mom stress. Maybe you should ask for positive stories from people with clinical anxiety?

Everyone has been really very helpful. Please stop. Again, who asked your advice?

Amazing. These posts from people have done a great deal of help for me, which was the point. Then you come back and say "sounds like they don't have what you have?" I really don't understand negative, unhelpful people like yourself. Seriously. Toxic"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a difference between being "a nervous wreck" and having clinical anxiety/unmanageable stress that's causing physical harm.

I think being a nervous wreck or just stressed is normal, though maybe not ideal.

Honestly, it sounds like you have not recovered from your anxiety, and now you are just anxious about how anxious you were. I know it's hard to let it go, but I think you just have to let it go. You are presumably getting high quality prenatal care and doing the best you can. That's all you can do.

not really helpful. Thanks

I tried to be clear upfront. My question wasn't about assessing what kind of stress I have. Maybe I do have clinical anxiety (?) so 1) its not helpful to know that it can cause physical harm - I already know. And I also didnt ask what I should do about it. Its obviously not easy to just "let it go" when its a legitimate issue and I am in therapy about it. I was pretty explicit in my question about positive outcomes, so not sure why you are chiming in to this thread. Thanks

Sorry. It sounded from your post like you were more like the typically stressed first time mom vs. someone with panic attacks, etc. i think you're hearing a lot of "positive stories" from people with normal first time mom stress. Maybe you should ask for positive stories from people with clinical anxiety?

Everyone has been really very helpful. Please stop. Again, who asked your advice?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a difference between being "a nervous wreck" and having clinical anxiety/unmanageable stress that's causing physical harm.

I think being a nervous wreck or just stressed is normal, though maybe not ideal.

Honestly, it sounds like you have not recovered from your anxiety, and now you are just anxious about how anxious you were. I know it's hard to let it go, but I think you just have to let it go. You are presumably getting high quality prenatal care and doing the best you can. That's all you can do.

not really helpful. Thanks

I tried to be clear upfront. My question wasn't about assessing what kind of stress I have. Maybe I do have clinical anxiety (?) so 1) its not helpful to know that it can cause physical harm - I already know. And I also didnt ask what I should do about it. Its obviously not easy to just "let it go" when its a legitimate issue and I am in therapy about it. I was pretty explicit in my question about positive outcomes, so not sure why you are chiming in to this thread. Thanks

Sorry. It sounded from your post like you were more like the typically stressed first time mom vs. someone with panic attacks, etc. i think you're hearing a lot of "positive stories" from people with normal first time mom stress. Maybe you should ask for positive stories from people with clinical anxiety?

I came across the ARRIVE trial and asked for an induction. My OB didn't agree but induced me anyway. I earned myself a c section because the induction failed.

Another example. I randomly googled stuff about IVF meds and found out my trigger shot was 1/10th the normal dose. Well I had an excellent result with that cycle so obviously the doctor knew what he was doing. Thankfully I came across that after it was already done

The absolute risk of something going disastrously wrong in a 1st world country is pretty low.

Do yourself a favor and stay off Dr. Google

I had 2 stressful pregnancies. The first one was stressful due to external factors in my life (very serious). The second one was stressful because the doctors thought there was something seriously wrong with the baby at first, but there wasn't. My first kid does have some anxiety, but the second is very chill, and both were definitely exposed to stress in utero.

One thing I thought was helpful was reading the book Expecting Better by Emily Oster.

Good luck, OP. Imagine a friend telling you your own story as theirs. What would you say to them?

I had extremely high anxiety. I had been through 4 IVFs and a miscarriage at this point. The months leading up to this embryo transfer were full of physical health setbacks including a breast cancer scare. And then I had random bleeding episodes three times in the first trimester.

Until I started feeling the baby kick regularly, I was regularly convinced the baby had died and I'd find out at the next appointment. Once the baby did kick regularly, I'd freak out if it was quieter than I hoped on a given day. I was AMA (41) and the way AMA pregnancy is treated by doctors only made it worse for me.

I did have a shower, but as I went to put the gifts away, I remember thinking I should save the boxes in case the baby didn't make it and I needed to return everything.

The best day of my pregnancy was checking in for my induction because I knew the baby would be continuously monitored from that point forward. It wasn't until she was in my arms that I actually believed I'd be leaving the hospital with a baby.

She was born perfectly healthy after an easy labor and it turns out I am the most laidback parent. I think I am just so relieved and grateful every day that she's here, that I don't sweat the small stuff. She is a happy, chatty toddler who has hit all of the milestones. She's perfect.

I would suggest that any moment of happiness you have in this pregnancy - a good ultrasound, some kicks, people sending gifts and cards - you try to burn into your brain and enjoy the moment before spiraling into worry. Someday you will be able to look back and mostly remember those.

Anonymous wrote:I was highly, highly anxious during my first pregnancy, to the point I didn't want a shower (to be fair, i hate events that place me in the spotlight so that was part of it) and didn't buy very much baby stuff beforehand, etc. I was late 30s and had GD and was convinced something would go wrong. My second pregnancy I was a couple of years older, but much calmer this time around. Both babies perfectly healthy and I am glad that I will never be pregnant again and my family is complete. Hang in there OP.

I really appreciate this. I know that being in my late 30s as FTM is causing me to feel extra nervous on top of already being an anxious person!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a difference between being "a nervous wreck" and having clinical anxiety/unmanageable stress that's causing physical harm.

I think being a nervous wreck or just stressed is normal, though maybe not ideal.

Honestly, it sounds like you have not recovered from your anxiety, and now you are just anxious about how anxious you were. I know it's hard to let it go, but I think you just have to let it go. You are presumably getting high quality prenatal care and doing the best you can. That's all you can do.

not really helpful. Thanks

I tried to be clear upfront. My question wasn't about assessing what kind of stress I have. Maybe I do have clinical anxiety (?) so 1) its not helpful to know that it can cause physical harm - I already know. And I also didnt ask what I should do about it. Its obviously not easy to just "let it go" when its a legitimate issue and I am in therapy about it. I was pretty explicit in my question about positive outcomes, so not sure why you are chiming in to this thread. Thanks

I was highly, highly anxious during my first pregnancy, to the point I didn't want a shower (to be fair, i hate events that place me in the spotlight so that was part of it) and didn't buy very much baby stuff beforehand, etc. I was late 30s and had GD and was convinced something would go wrong. My second pregnancy I was a couple of years older, but much calmer this time around. Both babies perfectly healthy and I am glad that I will never be pregnant again and my family is complete. Hang in there OP.

Anonymous wrote:There's a difference between being "a nervous wreck" and having clinical anxiety/unmanageable stress that's causing physical harm.

I think being a nervous wreck or just stressed is normal, though maybe not ideal.

Honestly, it sounds like you have not recovered from your anxiety, and now you are just anxious about how anxious you were. I know it's hard to let it go, but I think you just have to let it go. You are presumably getting high quality prenatal care and doing the best you can. That's all you can do.

not really helpful. Thanks

There's a difference between being "a nervous wreck" and having clinical anxiety/unmanageable stress that's causing physical harm.

I think being a nervous wreck or just stressed is normal, though maybe not ideal.

Honestly, it sounds like you have not recovered from your anxiety, and now you are just anxious about how anxious you were. I know it's hard to let it go, but I think you just have to let it go. You are presumably getting high quality prenatal care and doing the best you can. That's all you can do.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it. How could anxiety - something in your brain - affect your baby ensconced in your uterus ?

People today are exposed to 10000% less stress than most humans were for hundreds of thousands of years. In addition, the human fetus is designed to withstand the slings and arrows of mother’s fortune.

Of course, anxiety and depression is somewhat genetic so you need to keep an eye on your child’s innate temperament and make sure you are modeling healthy coping mechanisms.

Thanks for this. I appreciate your response. And I do know its a complicated matter.

Side note: To anyone who reads this and are eager to explain how stress does in fact affect the baby, I'd appreciate if you didnt. I've read enough about it and am well aware of the studies and increase in risk. I am not turning a blind eye, but i created this space to try to hear some positive thoughts since I cant change the fact I already stressed out for a good 15 week! Please spare me from the added worry.


Thank you!