Anonymous wrote:I think the ratio is different if you’re a sahm versus working. SAHMs should have the house cleaning, errands and cooking in my opinion. But at night I think both should share with baths and reading.

How many hours do you have to work before you aren’t responsible for all of the errands, cleaning, and cooking?

I work from 7am-11am 5 days a week. Should I only be responsible for 75% of the cooking and cleaning? Should my husband make dinner twice a week and do a few loads of laundry? But my friend who is at home with her three kids during that time should be responsible for 100% of it?

This seems so arbitrary.

Anonymous wrote:I think the ratio is different if you’re a sahm versus working. SAHMs should have the house cleaning, errands and cooking in my opinion. But at night I think both should share with baths and reading.

This is us. I SAH and DH works.

We’ve got a pretty even split. There are certainly things he does more of, and things I do more of. More of the mental load falls on me but he does step up there too when needed , he cooks at least 1/3 of the time, and cleans up almost every night. We both work full time. When I worked less and kids were little I did more childcare but other chores were pretty even. He’s a good one.

DH helps more and less depending on how much he is working, not how much I am working.
It seems bizarre to me that anyone would only do the dishes or help kids brush their teeth if they felt that their spouse worked hard enough that day to earn it.

Yes, dad should "help" with chores and childcare even if they work full time. Dad shouldn't be relaxing in the evening/weekends if his wife is still doing chores/childcare. Exception would be if she rests during naptime, then I think it's fair for husband to also get a comparable amount of rest.

Also, gotta say, I stay at home with a 1 and 4 yo and it is a lot more stressful, physically and mentally, than my husband's engineering job. Sometimes he finishes the dishes or something while I got take a shower after kids' bedtime. Staying at home with kids really changes depending on different ages of kids. When my kids were 2.5 and a newborn, I basically did no household chores - my husband did all of them.

I agree its not helping. My husband is a fully functional member of our household.

I think its probably more 60/40 than 50/50 when you factor in the mental load but he's been trying to close that gap.

We alternate all childcare stuff, wake ups, bedtimes, baths, night feeds, we've always gone back and forth. Occasionally someone is let off the hook for this but it needs to be a really good reason. It is very rare.

I definitely carry most of the mental load though, and it is tiring.

In our house, he does 90% of the cooking and grocery shopping, all of the yard work and home/car maintenance, and the vast majority of the administrative planning around our finances, major expenses, vacation planning, etc. He handles most of the pediatrician visits.

I do most of the laundry, most of the work involved in bathing and putting kids to bed, and clean the dishes. Other "kid stuff" like taking them to activities/school is 50/50.

It’s not HELPING. My husband is just as responsible for housework as I am. He doesn’t help anymore than I do. The subject of your post is sexist.

I SAH and do all the cooking, home maintenance and general household management. I do daily cleaning but we also have a housekeeper two days a week. DH is in big law and works long hours so I’m the default parent. BUT whenever he’s not working things are absolutely 50/50 and I cannot imagine it any other way. In a busy work period that means I’m doing a lot more (because he’s MIA) but in a slow period he’ll jump right in to cook and clean up and take kids to activities or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thread got me thinking - how much do your husbands with FT job do? How involved are they with little kids and household chores? My husband is a huge even though we only have one child and I’m at home. People calling OP lazy while her husband gets a pass is a little much. How much does your husband help? Would you be fine with doing everything pertaining to childcare and housework if your husband worked FT?

DH is the main parent. That was our deal, because I didn't want kids. We both work full time.

Why would you have children if you didn’t want them?

Because he did, and he's REALLY great so I wanted him.

I SAH and do the cooking, cleaning & general running of household. My DH takes care of almost all home maintenance, walks dog, and does various things around the house. He’s busy and is really devoted to family and his work.

DH and I both work full time and make about the same salary
He did 75% of kids stuff and cooking, I have a long commute (pre Covid)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thread got me thinking - how much do your husbands with FT job do? How involved are they with little kids and household chores? My husband is a huge even though we only have one child and I’m at home. People calling OP lazy while her husband gets a pass is a little much. How much does your husband help? Would you be fine with doing everything pertaining to childcare and housework if your husband worked FT?

DH is the main parent. That was our deal, because I didn't want kids. We both work full time.

Why would you have children if you didn’t want them?

We both work full time from home, but he works extra hours anywhere from 45-55 hrs/wk and 20% higher pay than me.

2 kids are in daycares full time, and I do 90% of childcare plus chores. I used to enjoy weekends with kids because I used to take kids out to playground, library, outings, eat out, shopping etc.. It was so much fun and it killed so much time. Not anymore because of covid & cold weather, everyone stuck at home, and kids make a big mess out of the house, more cleanup & more whining, more exhausting for me to keep them not fighting with each other/entertaining them. I don't like weekends anymore.

We both work full time, I make 2/3rds of the household income, though he has a more stressful and time intensive job than I do. DH definitely spends more time on childcare than I do (maybe it’s a 70/30 split?), and he does more of the cooking and cleaning (though cleaning tasks are less intense because I’ve organized the house very well and stay on top of moving out clutter. He’s not spending his time and energy deciding where things go, which is the hard part of cleaning. I manage absolutely all other administrative tasks related to the household - managing finances, home projects, daycare, scheduling appointments for our special needs kid, grocery shopping, clothing, toiletries, car buying, estate planning. 100% of household spending is done by me. Basically, I carry the mental load, he takes on the majority of the day to day tasks. We both think we’re getting off easy, since we’re not doing the things we like the least.