Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it! I understood your story right away. Your mom is classic NPD. So is mine - she would have made all the same moves.

So I think others are reacting to you sounding volatile. I would've sounded the same way when I finally cut her off. It took me til I was 40-something! I am hoping you are younger. If you are, you are ahead of me and lucky! I had therapy, and it was very helpful.

You are not crazy. You are strong. Ignore the haters. You are probably good at that already

I feel the same way about OPs post. I think the internet is full of wackos and the people resoonding sound as wacky as the Nmom which is why they are so triggered. Or maybe it's the reading comprehension issues.

What these people do not understand is N people always create a scene . Not shocking that the mom wouldn't possibly waste a pandemic to be dramatic and that that conflict with these people is completely and utterly unavoidable.

If the OP does not speak to the mom, another sibling does not speak to the mom, one sibling is an addict and there are failed (plural!) marriages, it's not hard to see what is going on. But then again I'm not triggered by the OP nor am I having such an emotional response as these wacky posters do I'm able to actually critically read the response.

Oh and yea you do have to "announce" to N people that they are cut off. They will call and then when you block them they will show up at your door or place of work. You have to give it to them so hard and so brutally so it sticks in their sick broken brain. Nobody wants to call the police on their mom. It's best to make sure they clearly understand the boundary of what fuc& off means.

Anonymous wrote:
You need to stop opening up yourself to attacks, OP.
You end up feeding the conflict and drama.

Lay out clear boundaries and stick to them. Ignore ALL drama coming from them. Only respond factually and calmly.

A process I went through with an NPD:

NPD: misbehaves by phone.
Me: Does not answer phone.
NPD: misbehaves by text.
Me: blocks calls and text
NPD: Sends long emails.

The thing is, sometimes you might have to respond to an email, if it is coparenting or about a related kid.

NPD: Long ranting email.
Me: deciphers email, ignoring all insults, insinuations, etc, until I find an actual request/ demand that should be answered.

If no actual content: no response.
If yes: "Yes, I can take the child this weekend." "Yes, I will buy that for child." And nothing more.

But in OP's case, she can cut off and not look back.

OP, I get it! I understood your story right away. Your mom is classic NPD. So is mine - she would have made all the same moves.

So I think others are reacting to you sounding volatile. I would've sounded the same way when I finally cut her off. It took me til I was 40-something! I am hoping you are younger. If you are, you are ahead of me and lucky! I had therapy, and it was very helpful.

You are not crazy. You are strong. Ignore the haters. You are probably good at that already

You need to stop opening up yourself to attacks, OP.
You end up feeding the conflict and drama.

Lay out clear boundaries and stick to them. Ignore ALL drama coming from them. Only respond factually and calmly.

Anonymous wrote:You both sound like drama queens. Why do you have to make a big pronouncement to your kids? No need to drag then into your issues with mom. If they ask about seeing her just say it wasn’t possible right now due to Covid issues. I’m a really big
Believer in PROTECTING my children from crazy adults, not dragging them into the middle of it.

Likewise, there was no need to be in the middle of your brother’s business between his wife and your MIL.

Wondering what your relationship is like with the other sister.

THIS. You sound exactly like your mom, OP. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Classic example of the apple not falling far from the tree. Clearly you grew up in a dysfunctional family and I suggest you get counseling so you don't burden your own children with the inability to relate to others in a healthy way.

Yes I'd just skip telling your kids. I'd also skip telling your mother this big "I'm cutting you off" announcement.

Just...make the visits less and less. Be unavailable. Slow to respond. Only do what you can. But not huge need to write someone off entirely. Have much less contact for 6 months and then see how you feel.

You are as dramatic as your momma. Stop with all the back and forth. Why did you have to mention anything to her about the brother. Do you like feeding into her drama to make you feel vindicated and validated as a victim in her mess?
Seriously, if you wanted to be done with it, that’s all you had to do, be done.

Anonymous wrote:You both sound like drama queens. Why do you have to make a big pronouncement to your kids? No need to drag then into your issues with mom. If they ask about seeing her just say it wasn’t possible right now due to Covid issues. I’m a really big
Believer in PROTECTING my children from crazy adults, not dragging them into the middle of it.

Likewise, there was no need to be in the middle of your brother’s business between his wife and your MIL.

Wondering what your relationship is like with the other sister.

I agree. First of all if you are trying to coordinate something at some point pick up the damn phone up and stop this bitch a** texting back-and-forth.
Your mother may really and truly have some very dysfunctional ways but baby girl the fruit don’t fall far from the tree and this crap you were complaining about could’ve ended after the first text but you drew it out into some drama it did not have to be.

Anonymous wrote:Why did you have to announce to her that you would not be bringing the kids over since she went to Manhattan? Why couldn’t you keep it simple and just say that you are unavailable?

Why did you have to announce to the kids that they will not be seeing Grandma?

Unfortunately, OP, it sounds like you are feeding into all of the drama instead of being a peacemaker or at least avoiding it. People who are dramatic need to be handled a certain way.

I did not announce it to her. The blow up would have been much larger without an explanation. I'm not going to avoid the reason. That's just silly. She crestes drams where there is none. She had no friends and a string of failed marriages/relationships. She only has one child who speaks to her and said child is an addict. This is because she is insane.

There is no announcement to the kids. What will happen is when and if they ask about her they will be told the relationship is over and they are welcome to call her on their phones as they always have been allowed to do. I won't be driving the anywhere though. Nor will they get inside her car.

Anonymous wrote:You are feeding into the drama OP. You should have never agreed to let her see the kids during a pandemic, especially if you know she has issues. You might want to take a step back and acknowledge you are helping to create this dynamic. Just drop your side of the rope.

I'm sorry I was not clear in my post. I'm going no contact. I don't take cutting her off lightly even if she is a monster. If I didn't have kids I would have cut the rope years ago. She had become intolerable and this was the last straw.

You are feeding into the drama OP. You should have never agreed to let her see the kids during a pandemic, especially if you know she has issues. You might want to take a step back and acknowledge you are helping to create this dynamic. Just drop your side of the rope.

Anonymous wrote:Something about being old turns a lot of people nasty and evil. It's weird.

Very true. I think it's just people who were already rotten to begin with, it just gets magnified in old age. Basically the hens come home to roost and it's not pretty. What a sad way to spend the final years of your life.

Something about being old turns a lot of people nasty and evil. It's weird.

You don't need to break it to kids at all. Why tell them anything? If they ask, then tell them then that grandma is unsafe with the virus.