Anonymous wrote:I am really sad for her. I think she was too young to understand why we all lie to kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you took the magic away from a 4yo. It brings them such joy. You have made your bed though, so now you lay in it.
That's real helpful, PP. You must be such a joy.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:At that age, I wouldn’t have ruined the magic for her.
My kid turned 4 in October, so I guess not that much younger than yours. She definitely believes in Santa and we’re having fun with it.
All kids figure it out at some point. No need to rush it.
She’ll be 5 in January.
Last year she didn’t show any hesitation, told us all about Santa and how he does everything, and was very earnest about it. This year she’s been asking a lot more critical thinking type questions about how Santa does things (which I typically answered by asking what she thinks, which frustrates her, or by saying it’s magic, which she knows isn’t real), and then she asked if he’s real.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Kindly, I think the way to respond to that question (which we get constantly as well), is with "hmm, good question, what do you think? Do YOU think Santa is real?" Then if you get an enthusiastic "YES!", you know how to go from there (i.e., neither confirming nor denying).
That said, what's done is done. I think you empathize with how it feels sad and focus on other fun traditions. It may be a tough year, but hopefully next year she'll be more mature and able to process it better. And silver lining that it's a pandemic so fewer/no kids to blab to!
Yes! This is the right approach--you are just noncommittal and and answer questions with questions so that the kid slowly figures it out by themselves... and Santa is not "taken away" by someone else.
OP here. We have tried this approach with many other things and she gets very upset about it, refuses to say what she thinks, and insists on being told the truth. In retrospect maybe we should have tried it again with this question, but, as you said, what’s done is done.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We're going through this right now with our 8 yo.
I tried to explain that Santa Claus is the spirit of Christmas and the urge to give something to someone you love that you know will make them happy.
Thisis what we did. Santa is the spirit of giving to others that everyone feels
Op here. We talked about this some too but I think it’s over her head.
We are going to invite her to wrap the Santa present for her 2 year old brother after he goes to bed on Christmas Eve. Maybe she’ll find some fun in being Santa herself.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I hope this doesn't sound grinchy but you really don't have to ease the disappointment or make her feel better. It's ok to be disappointed and it's ok to be sad. In fact, it's imperative that kids experience these emotions and learn to manage them. This is part of growing up.
So, just empathize that it's a disappointment and don't try to fix it for her. You, too, need to learn to manage YOUR sadness about when your kid is sad or disappointed or else you'll always be rushing to fix it (whatever the "it" is) for them.
Also, FYI kids are often told not to tell anyone else but most do anyway! Even though parents think that their little Johnny would never tell, lol. Most kids learn through other kids and siblings. But, it's ok.
I so agree with this!
I agree as well - I would also add in, OP, that I think you did absolutely the right thing. In her own small way, she's learned that she can come to you, and you'll be honest with her, even if it's difficult or bad news. I think you're building a great foundation for your kid, and I bet by the time Christmas Day is here, she'll be all in the spirit of the day.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I hope this doesn't sound grinchy but you really don't have to ease the disappointment or make her feel better. It's ok to be disappointed and it's ok to be sad. In fact, it's imperative that kids experience these emotions and learn to manage them. This is part of growing up.
So, just empathize that it's a disappointment and don't try to fix it for her. You, too, need to learn to manage YOUR sadness about when your kid is sad or disappointed or else you'll always be rushing to fix it (whatever the "it" is) for them.
Also, FYI kids are often told not to tell anyone else but most do anyway! Even though parents think that their little Johnny would never tell, lol. Most kids learn through other kids and siblings. But, it's ok.
I so agree with this!
I agree as well - I would also add in, OP, that I think you did absolutely the right thing. In her own small way, she's learned that she can come to you, and you'll be honest with her, even if it's difficult or bad news. I think you're building a great foundation for your kid, and I bet by the time Christmas Day is here, she'll be all in the spirit of the day.
Anonymous wrote:At that age, I wouldn’t have ruined the magic for her.
My kid turned 4 in October, so I guess not that much younger than yours. She definitely believes in Santa and we’re having fun with it.
All kids figure it out at some point. No need to rush it.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I hope this doesn't sound grinchy but you really don't have to ease the disappointment or make her feel better. It's ok to be disappointed and it's ok to be sad. In fact, it's imperative that kids experience these emotions and learn to manage them. This is part of growing up.
So, just empathize that it's a disappointment and don't try to fix it for her. You, too, need to learn to manage YOUR sadness about when your kid is sad or disappointed or else you'll always be rushing to fix it (whatever the "it" is) for them.
Also, FYI kids are often told not to tell anyone else but most do anyway! Even though parents think that their little Johnny would never tell, lol. Most kids learn through other kids and siblings. But, it's ok.
I so agree with this!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We're going through this right now with our 8 yo.
I tried to explain that Santa Claus is the spirit of Christmas and the urge to give something to someone you love that you know will make them happy.
Thisis what we did. Santa is the spirit of giving to others that everyone feels