Anonymous wrote:If you are 45+ I wouldnt mention it until your relationship got serious. You're not really thinking of having kids at that age anyway.

If he's dating women under 40 or even early 40s that are childless, they most definitely might be thinking of it. I would think it would come up in the 'birth control' and DTR talk.

Anonymous wrote:Not only should you disclose this before getting serious, but I think you have a moral obligation.

I wish my ex had gotten one. He never wanted kids, but also never did anything to prevent having them. I was on the pill when I got pregnant. He is the shittiest father in the world.

Why did you have kids with someone who didn't want kids?

If you are 45+ I wouldnt mention it until your relationship got serious. You're not really thinking of having kids at that age anyway.

Not only should you disclose this before getting serious, but I think you have a moral obligation.

I wish my ex had gotten one. He never wanted kids, but also never did anything to prevent having them. I was on the pill when I got pregnant. He is the shittiest father in the world.

Anonymous wrote:I don't want kids and I would be elated to meet a man who had a vasectomy. It gives me the guarantee that he doesn't think my choice is just a silly phase.

And the flip side of that is, by not telling her, you leave it on her to keep worrying: did I remember my birth control? Would those headaches go away if I switched pills? Wait, am I late? Better buy a $20 pregnancy test at CVS just to be sure... etc etc.

I don't want kids and I would be elated to meet a man who had a vasectomy. It gives me the guarantee that he doesn't think my choice is just a silly phase.

If you are dating someone who says she wants to have kids and you do not, you need to be very clear that your desire to not have more is a permanent condition. I don't think you need to tell her about the vasectomy, but I also don't know why you're so secretive about it. It actually works in your favor for not having to bother with birth control in a committed relationship. I can't help but think there is some ulterior motive in avoiding telling about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course you tell. Not waiting kids and cannot have kids are two different things.

Both result in zero kids when taken literally. Is it really OP's fault if his partner incorrectly thinks they can change his mind?

No but it might save him a lot of trouble. It's a personal thing but I would think he would want to weed out women who might want to change his mind sooner rather than later.

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I am not that other guy.

I have reservations about sharing my private medical information. Within my friend group, I weirdly know about several vasectomies because of girlfriend’s gossiping. Why can’t people just take “I’m not having kids” at face value?

So tell her not to gossip and have the convo after some trust is built up?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Dude, just stop.

Are you the 45 year old dad who wants to date a younger woman with no kids? If you need to lie about the vasectomy, you’re a huge creep.

You need a break from dating. Focus on getting a modicum of morals.

+10000

OMG, it's totally him.

This guy is really fiending for a woman, going crazy during quarantine.

OP, lay off the sexual fantasies and focus on your kids for now. Just calm down.

Both of you are nuts. Stop with your shitty accusations until OP confirms things.

Prior to first date? No

Prior to intimacy? Yes, it helps with choice of birth control!

OP here - I am not that other guy.

I have reservations about sharing my private medical information. Within my friend group, I weirdly know about several vasectomies because of girlfriend’s gossiping. Why can’t people just take “I’m not having kids” at face value?

Anonymous wrote:
Dude, just stop.

Are you the 45 year old dad who wants to date a younger woman with no kids? If you need to lie about the vasectomy, you’re a huge creep.

You need a break from dating. Focus on getting a modicum of morals.

+10000

OMG, it's totally him.

This guy is really fiending for a woman, going crazy during quarantine.

OP, lay off the sexual fantasies and focus on your kids for now. Just calm down.

Dude, just stop.

Are you the 45 year old dad who wants to date a younger woman with no kids? If you need to lie about the vasectomy, you’re a huge creep.

You need a break from dating. Focus on getting a modicum of morals.

You don’t need to share it on the first date, but there is going to come a point where it will feel like a lie by omission if you don’t share it.