OP, I think the age limit was the best advice you've been given. I have a few friends who all married in their mid-40s; they probably would have wanted kids but missed their window and they joined men with kids. You might also find someone whose kids are high school age--and maybe that's worth considering.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I'm not sure I understand the selfish/take take take part. I was not trying to suck them into my world of parenting. Instead, I'm looking for an adult companion. Someone to spend time with as an adult. But I also take the point that maybe I should at least be open to a women who wants to step into a parental role.

Tennis - that's a great idea.

Are you not at all involved with your kids? Like you have a Nanny do everything for you? Don't go to sports or school activities? Don't take them to appointments or care for them while sick?

Then, I guess it's no baggage on you or your potential partner but you are probably a terrible Father.

Gee, thanks. Actually, I have 50/50. I don't rely on help any more than my ex does - we share a sitter who sometimes picks up the kids from school and bridges until we get home from work. I do plenty of after school and weekend activities with my kids. I'm also free after they go to bed on half the days and entirely free on the other 50% of the days (except of course sometimes there's a game or a recital I'll want go to). What are you talking about with appointments? Last I checked, people don't ordinarily go on dates during regular business hours.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I see. I guess it's more that I don't want to have new/more kids in my orbit. So if the woman doesn't have kids and is happy to become a stepmom to mine without having her own kids, that could work for me and maybe not be as hard to find?

I haven’t read the whole thread. I am forty five and don’t want kids but do date divorced dads. I like kids but being the primary caregiver and giving birth and raising them when they are little always seemed like an overwhelming amount of work for me. But having kids around can be nice, as long as I’m not the main person who has to care for them twenty four seven.

A few things:

- I was not willing to date guys with kids until I was 42. The chances of you finding a woman in her thirties or younger who wants to date you and doesn’t want kids is very low. Try for forty two or older.

- Your kids are a little young still for someone who doesn’t want their own kids but might be ok with step kids. I only date guys whose youngest kid is 13. My boyfriends youngest is 14. You may have better luck in a few years.

- When I me willing to date divorced dads, it was like holy cow, bar the bar door,p. I got SO much interest from divorced dads it was insane. Good catches, most of them. I was dating the best looking guys I’ve ever dated. And I’m nothing special. Maybe a seven on a scale of one to ten. So know that if you do find the unicorn, you have a lot of competition.

- I think your goal is a good one. My boyfriend and I don’t have to juggle custody schedules. I can easily work around whatever is schedule is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh I don't want to have kids so I definitely don't want yours. What do you have to offer except take take take

+1 Honestly OP almost feels like a troll: "Where can a man with metric tons of baggage find a woman with no baggage of her own or desires for the future who wants to take care of him and his kids and dispense BJs?"

I'm realizing that maybe I'm asking too much, but I'm a troll only if you totally misread what I posted. I never said anything about "taking care of" me (beyond what would happen in any genuine relationship) and I specifically said I wasn't expecting her to "take care of" my kids. Nor did I say she couldn't have baggage; everyone has baggage and the question is what types of baggage can you handle and what types can you not.

You want her to be childfree by choice but also take on a guy with kids - so throw away her choice for a relationship with you.

But you don't want her to get any ideas and start thinking about kids of her own - only your current kids are allowed to exist.

All of the drawbacks of kids, none of the benefits of not having kids (no spontaneous travel when dealing with your custody schedule!), and all for . . . unclear.

Anonymous wrote:This may not be easily accomplished. You are getting older so you may find women who no longer have children living at home (college age). Also you should consider only dating women past a certain age (45+) because many women may not think they want children but once they are in a relationship decided that they would like to have a baby.

A woman empty nester does not want to date a guy with a kid in ES. She is done with that part of life and wants someone unencumbered.

I don't want kids of my own and this is my dream... Falling in love with someone who already has kids so I can enjoy all the kid stuff like recitals, Christmas, science fair projects, bragging about how smart they are, and cute kid sports without any pregnancy or worries about some family genetic stuff rearing its head. Right now I just dote on my nieces and nephew!! I've thought about making an online dating profile that says something like that... 'not going to be having kids of my own but I love kids and would love to be a stepmom' I don't know how to phrase it right. Should I just say it like that???

Please tell me where men like you tend to congregate or how to meet them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh I don't want to have kids so I definitely don't want yours. What do you have to offer except take take take

+1 Honestly OP almost feels like a troll: "Where can a man with metric tons of baggage find a woman with no baggage of her own or desires for the future who wants to take care of him and his kids and dispense BJs?"

I'm realizing that maybe I'm asking too much, but I'm a troll only if you totally misread what I posted. I never said anything about "taking care of" me (beyond what would happen in any genuine relationship) and I specifically said I wasn't expecting her to "take care of" my kids. Nor did I say she couldn't have baggage; everyone has baggage and the question is what types of baggage can you handle and what types can you not.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I'm not sure I understand the selfish/take take take part. I was not trying to suck them into my world of parenting. Instead, I'm looking for an adult companion. Someone to spend time with as an adult. But I also take the point that maybe I should at least be open to a women who wants to step into a parental role.

Tennis - that's a great idea.

Are you not at all involved with your kids? Like you have a Nanny do everything for you? Don't go to sports or school activities? Don't take them to appointments or care for them while sick?

Then, I guess it's no baggage on you or your potential partner but you are probably a terrible Father.

I was optimistic for OP until it became clear he’s dancing around the age issue. OP, a word of warning, a 31 yr old stepmom who totally doesn’t want her own kids often becomes a 34 yr old who definitely does.

If you are just looking for adult companionship, why don’t you want to date someone who has kids but has joint custody? You see each other on your days off with no kids and then you each see your own kids separately. A woman with no kids isn’t going to put up with this, but a divorced mom will be fine with it.

Are you rich and handsome? If so, you can definitely find it.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh I don't want to have kids so I definitely don't want yours. What do you have to offer except take take take

+1 Honestly OP almost feels like a troll: "Where can a man with metric tons of baggage find a woman with no baggage of her own or desires for the future who wants to take care of him and his kids and dispense BJs?"

This may not be easily accomplished. You are getting older so you may find women who no longer have children living at home (college age). Also you should consider only dating women past a certain age (45+) because many women may not think they want children but once they are in a relationship decided that they would like to have a baby.

OP again. I'm not sure I understand the selfish/take take take part. I was not trying to suck them into my world of parenting. Instead, I'm looking for an adult companion. Someone to spend time with as an adult. But I also take the point that maybe I should at least be open to a women who wants to step into a parental role.

Tennis - that's a great idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. I see. I guess it's more that I don't want to have new/more kids in my orbit. So if the woman doesn't have kids and is happy to become a stepmom to mine without having her own kids, that could work for me and maybe not be as hard to find?

Hahaha you are delusional to think some amazing child less woman would come into your life, take care of YOUR kids, but not want her own!
Keep dreamin, buddy

Roflmao!

TBF he never said she had to be amazing. Maybe he’s willing to compromise on looks.