Anonymous wrote:My kids’ friends are convinced there is no other way to succeed. They believe that it’s imperative to get into an Ivy or other top-ranked school in order to make money. They are so stressed and pressured about this. I am a successful professional and know many other successful professionals. Some of us went to Ivies, others didn’t.
How can I explain to these teens that going to a college that is a good fit where they can thrive is much more important than going to an Ivy?

Take comfort knowing you have raised a well adjusted child and let the other’s be. You can’t reverse 17+ years of poor parenting/poor modeling. The other children will have to learn the lessons their parents never did - for themselves.

It's not surprising that kids think that. Consider the parents who have to get their kids into the right pre-school. That turns into the right k-8 which transitions to the right high school. Those three steps are within reach of a lot of people, the next step is the right college and that's where the kid feels the pressure that has built from things they over heard and internalized from the time there were toddlers. It's also the step with the longest odds and the most factors totally out of their control. Be happy your kid doesn't have that mindset and hope it doesn't rub off on them

Anonymous wrote:This is also a great opportunity to teach your kids what "success" really means. Is it a lot of money? Is it freedom from loans? Is it being at peace? Is it being with loving people? Is it being able to be happy and love oneself always?

Ivies don't guarantee any of these things. No school does. It's up to you to teach them what true success really is.

+100. OP -- please take advantage of this opportunity to teach your kids!! Don't let them become another DCUM poster, obsessed with "success" but not even knowing what it is -- as you can see with the thousands of posts asking what HHI a person has, how much money they have by age 30, how they can't stand their in-laws, how they can't make friends, etc.

It is not your place to fix your friends' broken kids.

This is also a great opportunity to teach your kids what "success" really means. Is it a lot of money? Is it freedom from loans? Is it being at peace? Is it being with loving people? Is it being able to be happy and love oneself always?

Ivies don't guarantee any of these things. No school does. It's up to you to teach them what true success really is.

Anonymous wrote:Founder of google is from an immigrant family and went to UMD. Its who you ste and what you do not where you go.

OP here. Well, in fact, founder of google went to the same HS my kids go to- a selective Sci Tech magnet, so that is a very relevant example.

They can go to an Ivy for grad school. I went to a top LAC undergrad (didn’t even apply to an Ivy) and to an Ivy for grad school.

Both my kids went to non-ivies and are working in good jobs. One will earn $150k this year, 2.5 years out of college.

The kids will eventually figure it out on their own as acceptances come in.

Founder of google is from an immigrant family and went to UMD. Its who you ste and what you do not where you go.

Anonymous wrote:There are only a few spots left on Ivies once they fill their required “mixed and legacy” spots. Many many qualified people go to “lesser” schools and do extremely well.

This is the problem. Even put that word in quotes does not change the impact on people's brains. There are brilliant people and brilliant professors at most colleges. You will get an incredible education with wonderful opportunities if you take advantage of what is available to you at most colleges. Full stop.

It is not all about the name on the diploma; its is about the person holding it.

"Some of us went to Ivies, others didn’t. "


MOST of us didn't. Have the kids read the bios of people they consider successful.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I *AM* worrying about my own kids tyvm. Talking to their friends who are relentlessly focusing on top SLACs and Ivies is making them stressed about their choices. I tell them “You don’t need to go to an Ivy...” and the next second they’re FaceTiming their friend who says, “If you don’t go to an Ivy you’ll never get a good job.” My kids keep coming to me asking how to respond to that and really worried that their friends are right and they’ll never get a good job. So. Thanks to all those who have responded with actual anecdotes and answers to my question.

Build trust, connection and authority to the point where your kid believes you vs. a peer on matters of career and building their future. Thank breach my kids that there will always be strong, misguided opinions and disapproval and judgement to contend with. I teach my kids how t navigate that, not to argue with others into conforming to my viewpoint.

-np

Success is an internal drive a person has. Having a degree from a school that has an amazing marketing team is not going to do that for you. Reminds me of fitness info commercials. If u buy their overpriced program you will be the fittest person ever. Well if that was the truth everyone in the US would be fit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I *AM* worrying about my own kids tyvm. Talking to their friends who are relentlessly focusing on top SLACs and Ivies is making them stressed about their choices. I tell them “You don’t need to go to an Ivy...” and the next second they’re FaceTiming their friend who says, “If you don’t go to an Ivy you’ll never get a good job.” My kids keep coming to me asking how to respond to that and really worried that their friends are right and they’ll never get a good job. So. Thanks to all those who have responded with actual anecdotes and answers to my question.

This is a fantastic opportunity to teach your kids how not to listen to others. It's a problem they will face their entire lives, so the earlier you can build these skills, the better.

If you don't know how, think about how you would respond to this question if your adult friend asked something similar. What would you say? What would you show them as proof if they weren't convinced? I know you have ideas. You don't need this message board to figure this out.

+1. OP -- did you go to an Ivy? If not, are you successful? If you are successful and didn't go to any ivy, then you yourself are proof that you don't need to go to an Ivy to succeed.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I *AM* worrying about my own kids tyvm. Talking to their friends who are relentlessly focusing on top SLACs and Ivies is making them stressed about their choices. I tell them “You don’t need to go to an Ivy...” and the next second they’re FaceTiming their friend who says, “If you don’t go to an Ivy you’ll never get a good job.” My kids keep coming to me asking how to respond to that and really worried that their friends are right and they’ll never get a good job. So. Thanks to all those who have responded with actual anecdotes and answers to my question.

This is a fantastic opportunity to teach your kids how not to listen to others. It's a problem they will face their entire lives, so the earlier you can build these skills, the better.

If you don't know how, think about how you would respond to this question if your adult friend asked something similar. What would you say? What would you show them as proof if they weren't convinced? I know you have ideas. You don't need this message board to figure this out.

There are only a few spots left on Ivies once they fill their required “mixed and legacy” spots. Many many qualified people go to “lesser” schools and do extremely well.