Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t do simple things around the house and for himself and then claims I’m bossing him around? For example, I’ll cook dinner and serve it. He gets up from the table and goes to play video games. I ask him “hey do you mind putting your plate in the sink?” And he gets huffy with me. Another time is when I’m in bed already, he’s in the living room watching tv and gets up to come to bed. When he comes in the room, he’s getting under the covers and I said “honey, are you going to turn the tv off?” He gets huffy again and says “I’m sick of you bossing me around”.

Same response when I told him he had food on his face and to wipe his left cheek.


Generally I have a pleasant demeanor and am not accusatory or anything. What do you do to not come across bossy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After our first child was born, my husband went through a phase where he said “I feel like I work for you, and my boss is always annoyed with me.” I told him, as nicely as I could, that if he actually did his job (ie participated fully in parenting instead of sullenly acting like I imposed this child on his sweet bachelor lifestyle), his “boss” would cool it and we’d all get along better.

For real, men who accuse women of nagging are just using the trope of the nagging wife to escape doing their fair share. It’s one of a thousand tools in the “getting out of doing stuff” patriarchy toolkit. Some of the others:

-Just being weirdly bad at cleaning and other household tasks
-Saying they’ll do something and then procrastinating/forgetting until someone else does it
-Disappearing! There’s a dirty diaper and then *poof* where did he go?

As children, women are taught to take care of people and smooth out their emotions for others. Men are taught to do this. My husband is a good guy but he will still lean on this shit to escape doing things because it’s been working for dudes forever.

I resolve it by bringing it up, clearly outlining how it is childish and irresponsible behavior for a full grown adult, and then saying I won’t put up with it. I’m not going to say “don’t let him get away with it!” because I hate when women tell other women that the answer to misogyny is for women to work harder/do better. But I will say that you deserve better, your husband is being a tool, and he needs to be reminded regularly that you aren’t his mother or his maid. In fact, I have a saying I use often with everyone in my family: “Not the maid!” I don’t even ask them to do stuff, I just loudly announce I’m not the maid and they know by now that means they need to look around and figure out what they can do to clean up, then do it.

You sound like a real peach.

Your approach sounds quite antagonistic and I couldn’t imagine always being on high alert like that with my family. I bet you wake up with veins popping out of your forehead.

Anonymous wrote:After our first child was born, my husband went through a phase where he said “I feel like I work for you, and my boss is always annoyed with me.” I told him, as nicely as I could, that if he actually did his job (ie participated fully in parenting instead of sullenly acting like I imposed this child on his sweet bachelor lifestyle), his “boss” would cool it and we’d all get along better.

For real, men who accuse women of nagging are just using the trope of the nagging wife to escape doing their fair share. It’s one of a thousand tools in the “getting out of doing stuff” patriarchy toolkit. Some of the others:

-Just being weirdly bad at cleaning and other household tasks
-Saying they’ll do something and then procrastinating/forgetting until someone else does it
-Disappearing! There’s a dirty diaper and then *poof* where did he go?

As children, women are taught to take care of people and smooth out their emotions for others. Men are taught to do this. My husband is a good guy but he will still lean on this shit to escape doing things because it’s been working for dudes forever.

I resolve it by bringing it up, clearly outlining how it is childish and irresponsible behavior for a full grown adult, and then saying I won’t put up with it. I’m not going to say “don’t let him get away with it!” because I hate when women tell other women that the answer to misogyny is for women to work harder/do better. But I will say that you deserve better, your husband is being a tool, and he needs to be reminded regularly that you aren’t his mother or his maid. In fact, I have a saying I use often with everyone in my family: “Not the maid!” I don’t even ask them to do stuff, I just loudly announce I’m not the maid and they know by now that means they need to look around and figure out what they can do to clean up, then do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t do simple things around the house and for himself and then claims I’m bossing him around? For example, I’ll cook dinner and serve it. He gets up from the table and goes to play video games. I ask him “hey do you mind putting your plate in the sink?” And he gets huffy with me. Another time is when I’m in bed already, he’s in the living room watching tv and gets up to come to bed. When he comes in the room, he’s getting under the covers and I said “honey, are you going to turn the tv off?” He gets huffy again and says “I’m sick of you bossing me around”.

Same response when I told him he had food on his face and to wipe his left cheek.


Generally I have a pleasant demeanor and am not accusatory or anything. What do you do to not come across bossy?

F that. This is not about you, it's HIS problem.

Him: "I'm sick of you bossing me around."

You: "Then take some goddamn responsibility and take care of your own $h!t without having to be told."

That’s such a terrible unhealthy dynamic. Why get married just to bicker like that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t do simple things around the house and for himself and then claims I’m bossing him around? For example, I’ll cook dinner and serve it. He gets up from the table and goes to play video games. I ask him “hey do you mind putting your plate in the sink?” And he gets huffy with me. Another time is when I’m in bed already, he’s in the living room watching tv and gets up to come to bed. When he comes in the room, he’s getting under the covers and I said “honey, are you going to turn the tv off?” He gets huffy again and says “I’m sick of you bossing me around”.

Same response when I told him he had food on his face and to wipe his left cheek.


Generally I have a pleasant demeanor and am not accusatory or anything. What do you do to not come across bossy?

F that. This is not about you, it's HIS problem.

Him: "I'm sick of you bossing me around."

You: "Then take some goddamn responsibility and take care of your own $h!t without having to be told."

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t do simple things around the house and for himself and then claims I’m bossing him around? For example, I’ll cook dinner and serve it. He gets up from the table and goes to play video games. I ask him “hey do you mind putting your plate in the sink?” And he gets huffy with me. Another time is when I’m in bed already, he’s in the living room watching tv and gets up to come to bed. When he comes in the room, he’s getting under the covers and I said “honey, are you going to turn the tv off?” He gets huffy again and says “I’m sick of you bossing me around”.

Same response when I told him he had food on his face and to wipe his left cheek.


Generally I have a pleasant demeanor and am not accusatory or anything. What do you do to not come across bossy?

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t do simple things around the house and for himself and then claims I’m bossing him around? For example, I’ll cook dinner and serve it. He gets up from the table and goes to play video games. I ask him “hey do you mind putting your plate in the sink?” And he gets huffy with me. Another time is when I’m in bed already, he’s in the living room watching tv and gets up to come to bed. When he comes in the room, he’s getting under the covers and I said “honey, are you going to turn the tv off?” He gets huffy again and says “I’m sick of you bossing me around”.

Same response when I told him he had food on his face and to wipe his left cheek.


Generally I have a pleasant demeanor and am not accusatory or anything. What do you do to not come across bossy?