My friends didn't disclose their DD7's autism to the pod leader, although all the parents knew because they were already friends. What happened was the pod leader quit because she was a recent college grad with no background and couldn't handle the behaviors. So now there's no pod until they can find someone new.

If the pod is same aged kids, the kid would have been in your kid's class and doing those things in person. He would have been repeating lines, calling out, needing things repeated, and taking up a ton of the teacher's time. You kid is probably having a better experience because the teacher is teaching while the nanny is focused on the other kid.
And parents don't have to disclose the needs of their kid to everyone in the class, so not sure you can expect that from a pod. But I would have just to avoid the resentment that comes up when people feel you have a responsibility to them (which you clearly do feel that they should have disclosed).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're assuming that the kid has some kind of diagnosis -- otherwise, how could anyone know that he's actually "on the spectrum? If you want to start a conversation, you say that Larlo did X today, which made it hard for the other kids to focus, and ask them what do they find works best when he does that? You assume good faith, and you enlist their help in making the pod work.

Even without any diagnosis I would disclose the behavioral issues.

The parents may not realize (or may be in denial about) how much more support their child needs to get through group DL than her peers. If parents knew/realized and didn’t tell the other parents, yeah, that’s annoying. But I would give them the benefit of the doubt. If “K” needs more support than the nanny can handle, it’s totally reasonable to bring this to the parents’ attention. But do it kindly and delicately.

This. The parents are likely in denial about their kid's needs and will be for several years more. If you bring it up they will hate you forever.

NP here. It may not even be denial, but the fact this is a completely new world we parents are all navigating, so they may not have even realized what supports their child would need. Even my neurotypical 5 year old had a rough adjustment and some behavioral outbursts I wouldn’t have predicted (which luckily seem to have gotten better now that we’re in a routine). But I wouldn’t necessarily assume the parents are hiding something, but maybe are just trying to figure out themselves how this is going to go.

Maybe the care provider can raise any concerns so it’s coming from a professional and not another parent?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're assuming that the kid has some kind of diagnosis -- otherwise, how could anyone know that he's actually "on the spectrum? If you want to start a conversation, you say that Larlo did X today, which made it hard for the other kids to focus, and ask them what do they find works best when he does that? You assume good faith, and you enlist their help in making the pod work.

Even without any diagnosis I would disclose the behavioral issues.

The parents may not realize (or may be in denial about) how much more support their child needs to get through group DL than her peers. If parents knew/realized and didn’t tell the other parents, yeah, that’s annoying. But I would give them the benefit of the doubt. If “K” needs more support than the nanny can handle, it’s totally reasonable to bring this to the parents’ attention. But do it kindly and delicately.

This. The parents are likely in denial about their kid's needs and will be for several years more. If you bring it up they will hate you forever.

LOL. My four year old couldn’t sit through a 30 minute zoom call in the spring. It was boring for him. He’s neurotypical in every way. He’s energetic and wants to be busy, not staring at a screen of strangers. Some kids are just more compliant than others.

At that young age, maybe there is no diagnosis. Many kids act like that and the parents may be unaware of how the child handles DL and group situations since the child is so young. Really all parents are finding out things about their children in this time of being out of school. The only thing that stands out is that they may not be mature enough for your pod, yet. That's your choice on what to do about it since you all formed the pod for the benefit of all the kids and not just for one child to need so much of the time and resources.

My kid is 4, and I disclose he is on spectrum and suspicious of adhd to daycare center, including the administration and teachers. They thank me, but my son does not have much disruptive behavior, just a bit naughty, silly, talk loud & rigid. He acts like most neurotypical 4 year old, and teachers tell me that they can't even tell he has diagnosis if I didn't tell them. Daycare center handle this professionally, & administration & teachers want to know what they can do to help.

If I join a random pod, I would not share diagnosis because I don't know all parents well enough to trust them handle it professionally and not gossip around. I may share some symptoms. The kid you mention could just have sensory issues or just more handful or like to get attention, so it is rude to jump to a conclusion. And, if it is not too bad, think of that is a way for other kids to learn how to adapt or accomondate kids with different behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're assuming that the kid has some kind of diagnosis -- otherwise, how could anyone know that he's actually "on the spectrum? If you want to start a conversation, you say that Larlo did X today, which made it hard for the other kids to focus, and ask them what do they find works best when he does that? You assume good faith, and you enlist their help in making the pod work.

Even without any diagnosis I would disclose the behavioral issues.

The parents may not realize (or may be in denial about) how much more support their child needs to get through group DL than her peers. If parents knew/realized and didn’t tell the other parents, yeah, that’s annoying. But I would give them the benefit of the doubt. If “K” needs more support than the nanny can handle, it’s totally reasonable to bring this to the parents’ attention. But do it kindly and delicately.

Anonymous wrote:You're assuming that the kid has some kind of diagnosis -- otherwise, how could anyone know that he's actually "on the spectrum? If you want to start a conversation, you say that Larlo did X today, which made it hard for the other kids to focus, and ask them what do they find works best when he does that? You assume good faith, and you enlist their help in making the pod work.

Even without any diagnosis I would disclose the behavioral issues.

You're assuming that the kid has some kind of diagnosis -- otherwise, how could anyone know that he's actually "on the spectrum? If you want to start a conversation, you say that Larlo did X today, which made it hard for the other kids to focus, and ask them what do they find works best when he does that? You assume good faith, and you enlist their help in making the pod work.

OP here again. I wanted to add that this is not a deal-breaker for us, we are happy to work with the nanny and the parents to make sure all kids are taken care of equally at the pod. The annoyance is at the parents only, for not recognizing that this can be an issue for others. As much as I like that kid, my responsibility is towards my kid and what do I even say to those parents if they won't start this conversation.