Anonymous wrote:In general, 4 year olds are too young to make decisions for themselves. However, you clearly are old enough to make decisions for her as her mother. And your decision was to go with her preference on her haircut. (I would have made the same decision with my daughter.) Your mother is not only being ridiculous, she is way out of line. And she is disrespecting you as a mother. I’d expect a major apology from her before resuming any sort of contact.

Agree with this. I make the hair/clothing etc decisions for my young kids, but generally go along with their preferences. You didn’t send your DD alone into the salon with a credit card and let her come out with a green Mohawk. She asked for slightly shorter hair and you agreed. You took her to the salon and paid for the cut, so it was as much your decision as hers.

I thought your mom was furious because she thought it was an unnecessary risk!

SMH

Your mom is nuts. She's one of those weird women who place way too much value on hair. It's hair, it'll grow back.

I suspect OP's mom was actually more concerned about the risk of exposure to COVID but like on everything else on DCUM, OP's retelling is slanted.

Was your mom like this about your hair too? other things? I agree with everyone else that her reaction is in no way correct. I am sorry, that you have to doubt yourself and ask this here. I'd be worried about her mental health if this outburst isn't characteristic of her, but if she has always been this controlling, then it's an excellent reminder to shield your child from such people and behavior.

So, by her logic, if your kid doesn't get to decide, then who does? You? And you did!! You agreed and took her for a haircut. It's not like DD went to the salon by herself or gave herself a DIY haircut. I dunno if your kid was exposed to grandma's tantrum about her hair. But if she was, then please talk to the kid and let her know that it's not her fault and she gets to decide what she does with her body and you'd always support her in that.

Anonymous wrote:Is your mom controlling in other ways? These strikes me as an odd thing for her to flip about.

+1. This is not a normal reaction, OP.

Are you really questioning your right to make decisions for your family?
Your mom has been ignoring boundries you for a long time if you think she has any right to behave in this way. You're a mom now time to be a big girl and figure out how to handle your mom. It may involve therapy.

I think this may he a first for DCUM - everyone agrees your mom is out of line!

Seriously I thought this was about covid, like your mom was at risk and worried about the haircut from a health perspective.

OP my 6 year old DD likes her hair in a bob. She has beautiful blond wavy hair, people pay a ton of money for hair like hers. But she likes it that way and it is certainly easier to maintain, so of course it's in a bob. My MIL says to her whenever she gets the chance that she likes DD's hair long. B#t*h!

In general, 4 year olds are too young to make decisions for themselves. However, you clearly are old enough to make decisions for her as her mother. And your decision was to go with her preference on her haircut. (I would have made the same decision with my daughter.) Your mother is not only being ridiculous, she is way out of line. And she is disrespecting you as a mother. I’d expect a major apology from her before resuming any sort of contact.

I have one DD who like her hair long, all the way down her back. The other wants to be her own person and prefers to keep it in a bob (which I cut/maintain myself). Each girl has a style that suits her personality and preference. My mom gives feedback (plenty of it) about everything and anything, including hair. At the end of the day, it comes down to telling her that I support allowing each girl to style her hair in a way that makes her feel good about herself. Phrased like that, she accepts it. Isn't that what is important?

Ugh, I’m sorry OP. That is frustrating and your mom is 100% in the wrong.

BTW, my mom also tries this silent treatment when she is trying to get her way over something that is none of her business. I have found that if I just ignore it, she actually becomes less combative than if I reach out. If you call and try to get her to talk to you, she will view that as “working” and will continue to use it as leverage. If you just wait and let her come to you, she will realize that she can’t guilt you into appeasing her and may stop trying. But you can’t feed it.

Yep, your mom doesn't get a vote.

Your mom is wrong. Completely and totally wrong. It is YOUR child and it is HER hair. You are right to let your child make her own decision and your mother is way overstepping boundaries here.

Hair is one of those things that as a parent I don't recommend trying to control in your children. Pick your battles. Hair is not one.

Is your mom controlling in other ways? These strikes me as an odd thing for her to flip about.

It’s your daughter’s choice, IMO.

My mom hated doing hair and couldn’t be bothered with it, so she had my hair chopped off. I was finally able to stand up to her in my early teens. It was a painful experience for me and I hated how I felt growing up, but she refused to listen. I let my kids decide how to cut and style their hair, and I let them choose clothes as well.