Men have different expectations of relationships/marriage. Some men want respectable and responsible financially independent spouses and some men, usually the old fashion or NPD types, want a dependent spouse that they can control and don’t have to worry about her leaving.

He is wise.

Sounds like op opted for the lower paying job because of promised advancement opportunities that have not materialized. This could be temporary. Very revealing about the character of the man

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, not being able to handle financial commitments is a huge red flag when dating. If your boyfriend is paying any of your bills because you’ve not budgeted appropriately, then he’s right to move out and end the relationship.

Perhaps you should be looking for a housing arrangement that you can afford, with roommates to share the cost of rent?

☝️☝️☝️

This.

I agree.

Anonymous wrote:OP, he’s a jerk.

And don’t let all the anti-women posters here get you down.

Give us some rough numbers: what’s the rent, what does he pay, what do you pay? How much are other expenses? How much did you get paid in your old job and now in your current one?

Your boyfriend and you should be agreeing about finances; moving to a cheaper place is one option. Him getting angry at your income is a problem — you should be figuring out your plan together.

How is it anti-women to expect a woman with no dependents to support herself instead of relying on a man?

Anonymous wrote:OP, he’s a jerk.

And don’t let all the anti-women posters here get you down.

Give us some rough numbers: what’s the rent, what does he pay, what do you pay? How much are other expenses? How much did you get paid in your old job and now in your current one?

Your boyfriend and you should be agreeing about finances; moving to a cheaper place is one option. Him getting angry at your income is a problem — you should be figuring out your plan together.

Bold I agree with, but the problem isn't just the boyfriend it's OP too..

She agrees to move into a place she can not afford, relying on savings for rent is not a good idea, she should have been upfront from the start. Did she talk about leaving her better paying job with him, or did she just wuit?

I can understand the boyfriend being annoyed if OP made him believe her financial situation was better than it was, and she up and quit without talking with him

The big issue is OP doesn't seem to have concrete plans, she's not paid enough, she doesn't like her job, it's to stressful, wants to go back to school okay-that's fine, but it's not reasonable to expect a boyfriend ( or girlfriend ) to overhaul everything while you find yourself.

It sounds like Op expects her boyfriend to deal with her like she is the child and he's the parent, financing her while she finds herself and that isn't right.


I'd feel differently if OP was approaching this with a plan say, she had some savings, was enrolled in a program that would last 18 months had a guaranteed financial/career benefit and she was able to articulate what she could contriubute during that time. NOt changing ehr mind about what direction her life and career is going to go in every few months and expecting boyfriend to figure out all the financials and move around on her whims.



You don't say how old you are OP, but I'm assuming quite young maybe under 25, maybe you do need to move back home, get some counseling to better manage stress/anxiety, pick a career, and learn to manage your finances better and only date for fun, not try to move in with someone yet, also try living in apartment on your own first .

Anonymous wrote:OP, he’s a jerk.

And don’t let all the anti-women posters here get you down.

Give us some rough numbers: what’s the rent, what does he pay, what do you pay? How much are other expenses? How much did you get paid in your old job and now in your current one?

Your boyfriend and you should be agreeing about finances; moving to a cheaper place is one option. Him getting angry at your income is a problem — you should be figuring out your plan together.

As a woman, kindly shut up. It's not anti-woman to expect OP to be responsible for herself and act as a partner instead of her boyfriend's pampered pet.

OP, he’s a jerk.

And don’t let all the anti-women posters here get you down.

Give us some rough numbers: what’s the rent, what does he pay, what do you pay? How much are other expenses? How much did you get paid in your old job and now in your current one?

Your boyfriend and you should be agreeing about finances; moving to a cheaper place is one option. Him getting angry at your income is a problem — you should be figuring out your plan together.

You’re trying to make a unilateral decision for him to support you, despite voluntarily leaving a job that paid more. Is he talking about breaking up or just not being able to afford your current apt and needing to move to a cheaper place? Either way you’re going to have to move.

Anonymous wrote:You should move somewhere you can afford. Not paying your way pre-marriage is not OK.

I don't think he's a jerk, but if they were engaged I don't think it's unreasonable for him to talk on more of the finances short term while OP betters her career, assuming the schooling she's interested in is no longer than 2 years, and will have an immediate return, ie no MBA programs because OP bettering herself will put them in a better situation longterm as a couple.


I'm more concerned that they're at the stage of living together and can't have conversations about this kind of thing without going for the nuclear option.

This is why it depends on how long a relationship this is. The nature of it? If they moved in together planning for engagement and marriage, OP should count her blessings and move on.

If this is a short term relationship, her expectations are off

Anonymous wrote:You guys aren’t on the same page with your goals.

Ideally, your partner is supportive of you reaching your goals and recognizes that it’ll help you out as a couple in the long run. Sacrificing a year or two now will set you up to be more financially stable in the future.

A good partner also wouldn’t want you to be stressed out at a job you hate just because it makes more money.

He’s a jerk, but it’s better to find out now than later on. You don’t want to be married to a bean counter - trust me, I’ve been there.

Can you afford another place on your own? Is there family you can stay with while you go back to school?

No. He's not a jerk. He's smart.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, not being able to handle financial commitments is a huge red flag when dating. If your boyfriend is paying any of your bills because you’ve not budgeted appropriately, then he’s right to move out and end the relationship.

Perhaps you should be looking for a housing arrangement that you can afford, with roommates to share the cost of rent?

You sound superficial

Um, no. Sorry, OP, but this PP sounds responsible. You, on the other hand, sound like you are mooching off your boyfriend and looking for a sugar daddy. Grow up.

Financial issues are the biggest reason for divorce. Your boyfriend is smart to get out now.

You should move somewhere you can afford. Not paying your way pre-marriage is not OK.

He's right. Either you get engaged and he helps support you, or you move to a cheaper place. Either way, doesn't sound like the guy for you.