That I do actually have my dad's temper. I'm working on it with good help, but until I had kids I didn't realize how short/curt and how demanding I can sometimes be when things aren't going the way I asked.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought I had resolved my issues from my FOO, but having a child dug them all back up. I would have never done to my DC what my parents did to me, and I had to grieve all over again.

This is me too. It hit me the hardest when my child turned 3, and now I know it is going to affect me at all the ages going forward. I hope that with therapy and time it will get better. My kid is an absolute joy, so that helps too.

Me too on this one. I’m having a hard time deciding how much to continue involving my parents in our lives because it’s painful for me to interact with them. But my 3 year old does get something positive out of it. So, now there’s that to figure out too.

The biggest takeaway for me is that I should never have had children.

That I'm dysfunctional and have issues from my childhood and never grew up emotionally healthy.

I actually have an appointment with a therapist today at 11 .

Now much I love freedom/being in control.
How much we are nature and not nurture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought I had resolved my issues from my FOO, but having a child dug them all back up. I would have never done to my DC what my parents did to me, and I had to grieve all over again.

I think this is so common. It certainly happened for me. I have had to distance myself from my parents since having a child. There is a lot of stuff from my childhood that I have defended for years as being "understandable" because of my parents' backgrounds and how young they were when they became parents. But having my own baby, I just can't imagine doing or saying to her what they did to me. It was easier for me to be empathetic before I had my own experience of parenthood, at which point the resentment bubbled up.

+1 and the irony is, my mom used to say I would understand when I had kids. So now I do have kids.

Anonymous wrote:I thought I had resolved my issues from my FOO, but having a child dug them all back up. I would have never done to my DC what my parents did to me, and I had to grieve all over again.

This is me too. It hit me the hardest when my child turned 3, and now I know it is going to affect me at all the ages going forward. I hope that with therapy and time it will get better. My kid is an absolute joy, so that helps too.

That I’m a good mom. That God really does love me unconditionally.

Trust my gut. I've also learned how strong my intuition is, and how deeply I feel.

It's forced me to be next-level self aware of my actions and behaviors. When I'm struggling, I work it out in the therapist's office. I also never knew I could love so hard, get so mad, be so grateful, get so irritated, or be willing to lay my life down for another.

And how much damn fun kids can be. My three are teenagers now, and they crack me up!

How much quiet, shy kids bore/annoy us. DH and I are both outgoing and all our kids are outgoing. Thank god. Never really noticed/realized until we compared them to other kids who have an issue coming out of their shell, especially during covid.

My experience in raising my children has taught me resilience, the ability to change plans, flexibility, compromise, and the ability to make a different, yet meaningful, life than I had planned. I am a better person for it.

That I had a word processing disability that was never diagnosed when I was in school. She was tested and when I read her test results and diagnosis I saw myself. But I was lucky to find my career sweet spot.

I'm good at nurturing their curiosity and interests. I enjoy finding activities and things for them to explore, and it's so fun to see things through their eyes that way. I just enjoy talking with them, seeing how their brains work, and watching them figure stuff out and learn new things.

I'm good at handling the meltdowns and crises. I don't get grossed out by much.

I really am not good at imaginative play, and I always thought I would be (former theatre kid...ugh)! It feels like working with a tyrannical stage director. I always do the "wrong" thing.

So much of the pressure I put on myself as a kid was completely unnecessary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought I had resolved my issues from my FOO, but having a child dug them all back up. I would have never done to my DC what my parents did to me, and I had to grieve all over again.

I think this is so common. It certainly happened for me. I have had to distance myself from my parents since having a child. There is a lot of stuff from my childhood that I have defended for years as being "understandable" because of my parents' backgrounds and how young they were when they became parents. But having my own baby, I just can't imagine doing or saying to her what they did to me. It was easier for me to be empathetic before I had my own experience of parenthood, at which point the resentment bubbled up.

+1

This absolutely happened to me as well. For years, I told myself that they did the best they could and that I shouldn't be so hard on them. But once my child was born, I realized that nope, they didn't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That we are all in charge of our own happiness.

You don’t think you’re somewhat in charge of your children’s happiness? You’d make a decision based on your own comfort level vs what would make them happy and secure?

You can put everything in place for them to be happy, but it's still their choice if they're going to be a stinker or not. No matter how hard you try.