Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go through an egg donor agency. A good one will have lots donors to choose from. I believe there are agencies that specialize in Asian donors.

We live in a highly-educated area, with many, many very smart kids. I’d strongly suggest that you look for a donor in college or with a college degree. Intelligence is more heritable than you might think.

+100
Genes determine so much. Go to the parenting section and search for nature v nurture. I think more than 80% is determined by nature. I’d absolutely go with someone with a college degree, same SA ethnicity, and same blood type, so the child never finds out. Just in case the child ends up being sensitive about not having mom’s genes.

Sorry to disabuse you of your fantasies but the child will find out. Better it comes from the parents in age-appropriate fashion.

+1. It is strongly discouraged to try to hide this from children. There is a body of research that supports telling early so it's part of their "story" their entire lives. With commercial products like 23 and me, it is almost inevitable the child will find out eventually, maybe not until they are adults or even have kids of their own, but at some point you won't have control over their choices. You hide it and it becomes a traumatizing event.

https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/gay-parents/explaining-sperm-and-egg-donors-to-children/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go through an egg donor agency. A good one will have lots donors to choose from. I believe there are agencies that specialize in Asian donors.

We live in a highly-educated area, with many, many very smart kids. I’d strongly suggest that you look for a donor in college or with a college degree. Intelligence is more heritable than you might think.

+100
Genes determine so much. Go to the parenting section and search for nature v nurture. I think more than 80% is determined by nature. I’d absolutely go with someone with a college degree, same SA ethnicity, and same blood type, so the child never finds out. Just in case the child ends up being sensitive about not having mom’s genes.

Sorry to disabuse you of your fantasies but the child will find out. Better it comes from the parents in age-appropriate fashion.

Anonymous wrote:Go through an egg donor agency. A good one will have lots donors to choose from. I believe there are agencies that specialize in Asian donors.

We live in a highly-educated area, with many, many very smart kids. I’d strongly suggest that you look for a donor in college or with a college degree. Intelligence is more heritable than you might think.

+100
Genes determine so much. Go to the parenting section and search for nature v nurture. I think more than 80% is determined by nature. I’d absolutely go with someone with a college degree, same SA ethnicity, and same blood type, so the child never finds out. Just in case the child ends up being sensitive about not having mom’s genes.

Anonymous wrote:Just find a white donor with dark brown hair and eyes and relatively tan skin. Many Italian Americans for this description. Then you can say the kid looks more like it’s father but at least has dark hair and eyes like you. I would think it’s much harder to find a South Asian donor than going this route.

Thanks. I do think this is the route we'll go - it seems like the best compromise. My sister is also married to a white guy and one of her kids looks Indian and the other looks white. They are both 100% adorable.

Just find a white donor with dark brown hair and eyes and relatively tan skin. Many Italian Americans for this description. Then you can say the kid looks more like it’s father but at least has dark hair and eyes like you. I would think it’s much harder to find a South Asian donor than going this route.

This is OP - thanks for all the feedback! Agencies definitely seem like the way to go for me. Are there agencies that you recommend? I'll check out A Perfect Match, which a PP mentioned. I heard Genesis and The Donor Source are other options.

I'm South Asian, and I was told by SG that I would need donor eggs, so I looked into this. I couldn't find a South Asian donor anywhere, for any amount of money. Going to India was not an option for my particular circumstances, but if it could work for you, I would consider that. I was also willing to consider a Latina donor who looked somewhat like me, so maybe that is an option.

A friend of mine who is South Asian also tried to find an egg donor with no success, unfortunately. I think she decided not to have kids.

Ultimately, I went to CFA and succeeded with my own eggs (Dr. Abbasi is a miracle worker). BUT-- one of my kids looks totally white and doesn't really look much like me at all! And we did 23andme testing, so she's definitely from my 100% South Asian egg! So even if you find a South Asian donor, you never know how the DNA will shake out.

Anonymous wrote:+1 on an agency if it’s possible for you. It is more expensive, but there is more diversity as compared to clinics that just focus on donors locally. I am not Asian, but used a donor from Europe through an agency based in California and did the cycle in California. I thought it would be hard to do that since I live on the east coast, but it wasn’t. The agency was great and made it a great experience for me and the donor. European donors can’t be anonymous, so we had fewer concerns about the ethics since we were able to speak to her directly.

Czech donors are required to be anonymous so this is country dependent.

Use an agency. There will be fewer donors, but if you're patient, you should have quite a few to choose from. We eventually picked one at A Perfect Match, which is West Coast based. Expensive but worthwhile; they do good work verifying their donors and the process was very smooth.

Try advertisements at colleges.

I'm South Asian and remember seeing ads specifically for South Asian egg donors. I considered it because it was a lot of money for me at the time, but when I learned more about the procedure, it was too invasive for me. This was years ago though so maybe it's different now.

+1 on an agency if it’s possible for you. It is more expensive, but there is more diversity as compared to clinics that just focus on donors locally. I am not Asian, but used a donor from Europe through an agency based in California and did the cycle in California. I thought it would be hard to do that since I live on the east coast, but it wasn’t. The agency was great and made it a great experience for me and the donor. European donors can’t be anonymous, so we had fewer concerns about the ethics since we were able to speak to her directly.