Anonymous
Post 01/18/2021 22:17     Subject: feeling invisible and forgotten
I am having a similar experience--watching younger, more ambitious people jump into positions I thought i would have been considered for. I went for a more financially stable job years ago, so I have regular hours and good money, we bought a home and we have everything we need. But now somehow all the STUFF and being out in the suburbs is making me also feel like I'm on some lone island. At the beginning of COVID I was glad to be out of the city, and at times during all the chaos of the last couple months I have wanted to shut it all out. But I also feel like somehow I traded my dreams for a minivan and a garage full of clutter we never use. That Talking Heads song keeps going through my head...this is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful wife...my god, what have I done!?!
Anonymous
Post 01/17/2021 21:38     Subject: feeling invisible and forgotten
This is such a good thread. I’m 47 and the past year I really began to feel in my bones that I wouldn’t live forever. Neither would anyone else I know. Mortality suddenly felt more concrete and I spent a week in a funk pondering that.

Since then I have decided to follow the great advice that has been on this board in another thread. I’m making sure to maintain my friendships and health. I have thrown myself into my hobby and that has helped my mental health a lot.

A few years ago I left a career that was my dream career. I really missed being that person with a cool job for a few years. But I have learned that I am not my job and it’s not my whole identity.

I think this time in life can be really fragile and we need to take special care of ourselves to prepare for old age.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2021 14:02     Subject: feeling invisible and forgotten
I think one of the things that switches up as we get older is that when younger, we are trying to accumulate things, and as we get older, we are trying to deal with the loss of some of that accumulation. It's very different.

For instance, when young, we might be upset that we didn't get that job, or the guy/gal did not work out as a life partner, etc. Just can't get rid of those last 5 lbs.

When we are older, it's more of about loss. The job we had that has gone sour. The marriage that didn't work. The parent that dies. The body that doesn't work as well, and that 25 lbs that won't go away, and look at that aging face. And the realization that the lifespan is finite and one is on the second half of it.

It's harder, psychologically, to lose what you have, than to not get something you wanted to have. So it can create a funk that requires a different type of approach than was needed in our younger years.

Some good suggestions on this thread.
Anonymous
Post 01/08/2021 19:37     Subject: Re:feeling invisible and forgotten
Anonymous wrote:I’m 46. I’m in a bad state of mind right now as my mom died across the miles yesterday. I’m a first generation immigrant. When I picked this life, I did not think of end of life of my parents... I only thought about The American Dream. I can’t travel back due to the cost - it makes more sense to give the money to family. Plus I can’t risk getting stuck there due to covid.

No I don’t need I’m sorries... stating facts like this is helpful on its own. Math used to pacify me when I was younger, and now it’s writing anonymously.
In June my 39 year old friend lost her life to cancer.
In July my 43 year old cousin lost his life to a heart attack and left three young kids behind - also across the miles.
I also lost two more of extended family this year.
2020 can’t get any worse I said.
But what do I know?!
I’m not a universe where everything happens how it’s meant to be.
I’m not crazy if that crossed your mind.
All I wanted to say really is that yes life is short. Act based on this fact now and reinvent yourself and do what you love.
Yet — you can’t do that because you need to go on and pay your mortgage and what not.
You just have to keep it together.
It’s not a problem to find some hobby.
The problem is to be an alien wherever you are.


Wonderful post, thank you. Resonates.
Anonymous
Post 12/30/2020 14:45     Subject: Re:feeling invisible and forgotten
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why the hate on Cleveland? I despise Miami so I'd go to Cleveland instead in a heartbeat.


Recently went to Cleveland and loved it. The art museum there is seriously amazing. Gorgeous lake, cute restaurants...

Anyway just nice that going off the path can result in discoveries
As a former Clevelander, I can say there's a lot to love about the city but maybe you have to look for it. I, too, would choose Cleveland over Miami but I grew up in a perfect little town in Ohio and came to enjoy finding my place in a not so perfect rust belt city that was down on its luck. Anyway good luck, OP, I hope things get better. I hope you can find peace in "Cleveland."
Anonymous
Post 12/29/2020 22:22     Subject: Re:feeling invisible and forgotten
I like your post, OP. I’m 48 and while my feelings aren’t quite the same the thing I’ve been thinking about is just how quickly tune passes. I always thought I would feel “older” when I was older and that would somehow make the numerical age feel more appropriate but I’m finding that 48 year old me is pretty much the same as 16 year old or 28 year old me. it’s weird that the packaging is getting older while the person inside is the same.
Anonymous
Post 12/28/2020 16:37     Subject: feeling invisible and forgotten
Anonymous wrote:I just want to simply say that I love you, this life is so short and reading your post really made me tear up. It’s almost a world of suffering we all go through.... I just think the most important thing is love and even as a stranger that’s never met you and simply read a few paragraphs of yours.... I have so much compassion for my fellow human.... you’re not alone that is for SURE!!!

Justin
34 yes old
Florida


Not OP, but thank you for this. I can feel your compassion pouring off the page and it reminds me that we are all more alike than different. blessings and love to you!
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2020 21:06     Subject: feeling invisible and forgotten
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I just want to simply say that I love you, this life is so short and reading your post really made me tear up. It’s almost a world of suffering we all go through.... I just think the most important thing is love and even as a stranger that’s never met you and simply read a few paragraphs of yours.... I have so much compassion for my fellow human.... you’re not alone that is for SURE!!!

Justin
34 yes old
Florida


Justin, you are too kind and compassionate to be here on DCUM. Many in your demographic on this site have lost the humanity gene and it's been replaced by metastatic narcissism.

Your response is completely foreign to those on here who constantly express distaste and hate for their parents, in laws, people in general.

I wouldn't be surprised if they begin to pile on and tell you that you need counseling, they are so detached from what it means to be human anymore.


And yet you show no empathy or compassion for those who post who have had abusive relationships and that is why they express distaste for others. Are you yourself so detached from being human that you cannot understand others hurting.

You pile on those hurting by wanting them to continue to be around those abusive people, you are not kind, have no compassion and show little empathy for others going through something which you are lucky enough not to have gone through.

Justin doesn't need counselling but you probably would benefit.
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2020 01:30     Subject: feeling invisible and forgotten
My MIL retired at 55. When she was in her 70s, she told me: “When I retired, I thought I was so old. Now I understand how young I was back then.”
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2020 12:29     Subject: feeling invisible and forgotten
Anonymous wrote:I just want to simply say that I love you, this life is so short and reading your post really made me tear up. It’s almost a world of suffering we all go through.... I just think the most important thing is love and even as a stranger that’s never met you and simply read a few paragraphs of yours.... I have so much compassion for my fellow human.... you’re not alone that is for SURE!!!

Justin
34 yes old
Florida


Justin, you are too kind and compassionate to be here on DCUM. Many in your demographic on this site have lost the humanity gene and it's been replaced by metastatic narcissism.

Your response is completely foreign to those on here who constantly express distaste and hate for their parents, in laws, people in general.

I wouldn't be surprised if they begin to pile on and tell you that you need counseling, they are so detached from what it means to be human anymore.
Anonymous
Post 12/05/2020 08:17     Subject: feeling invisible and forgotten
I just want to simply say that I love you, this life is so short and reading your post really made me tear up. It’s almost a world of suffering we all go through.... I just think the most important thing is love and even as a stranger that’s never met you and simply read a few paragraphs of yours.... I have so much compassion for my fellow human.... you’re not alone that is for SURE!!!

Justin
34 yes old
Florida
Anonymous
Post 11/22/2020 21:00     Subject: Re:feeling invisible and forgotten
52, I feel like this too op. I have a great career and family I no longer feel like I am striving on some days and my identity as a young woman is essentially over and yet I don't feel like a midlife woman either. I do feel in transition and it is difficult. Hang in there...we will find our way. We are also approaching winter in a globalpandemic....it is a depressing time for many of us.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2020 21:36     Subject: Re:feeling invisible and forgotten
Anonymous wrote:Why the hate on Cleveland? I despise Miami so I'd go to Cleveland instead in a heartbeat.


Recently went to Cleveland and loved it. The art museum there is seriously amazing. Gorgeous lake, cute restaurants...

Anyway just nice that going off the path can result in discoveries
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2020 17:46     Subject: Re:feeling invisible and forgotten
Comparison is the thief of joy. Suddenly you're realizing people are younger than you, and you feel old. When younger, you may have felt intimidated by older people. Now I too at 50 feel like I'm older than most and not much time is left. You could also think about being like a fine wine that improves with age. You're old enough you've reached some level of comfort in your life. It's a good age to map out what you want to do the rest of your life, and set some goals. Also tease out what part of your feelings is your age (which you have no control over) and what part is the pandemic and being stuck at home. Try to find ways to connect with people even during the pandemic. Make some plans for when this is over.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2020 09:08     Subject: feeling invisible and forgotten
OP, I am mentioning the following because other PPs have done a better job than I could talking about the emotional aspects of your situation: be sure to take care of your health. Get a thorough check up with all the lab work so you can identify anything that might be affecting your mood.