Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be direct. You’ve been on one date with the guy, and it’s perfectly reasonable to google him. Don’t dance around it — it’s too big a deal.

This. Be direct.

I once caught a man I’d been dating for a month lying about 2 additional children and an additional marriage. He told me one ex wife, one child. How did I find out? I read his divorce papers - all of them.

I find this hard to believe. Where is it that "all" of someone's divorce papers are available to the public online? Typically, there is just a docket with the entries that give very few details of anything.

Anonymous wrote:Being accused and charged with something isn't the same as being convicted. If he was found not guilty, clearly he either didn't do it or the prosecution did a really shitty job. Why not just ask him about it? I think it's worth a conversation before you decide how to proceed.

If he was simply arrested - I wouldn’t much worry about it.

Getting arrested simply means a police officer had an opinion that you were guilty of a crime.
It can be one or a collective personal opinion.

Arrests do not even show up on background checks.

However having charges brought before someone is a bit more serious.
This means that there is some legit evidence that could be possible to convict a person in a court of law.

Finally being convicted of a crime is the worst.
For obvious reasons.

Especially for a felony.

If you met him online and his initials are MP, in his 50’s, stay away.

how can people look at the flow of shit coming out of the American criminal justice system and think that being arrested means you're guilty?

He’s not wrong for wanting a serious relationship and wanting marriage. He’s also not wrong for bringing it up on the first date. If you don’t, that’s fine, a first date isn’t jail, just walk out the door literally.

As for whatever he did, I’m not sure why you are protecting him. It’s one date after all, not a brother or a friend. Also, he’s not the only one who got arrested for whatever it was. I understand why you wouldn’t post the link to his mug shot, but things only become illegal when a lot of people do them and when they pose a risk to themselves or others. Also, how do you know he isn’t lying about his job? In other words, why do you believe his job status but are all spun up about an arrest, not a convinction, not a plea of no lo condendre, but an arrest?


If you like this guy, ask him. The way he responds will tell you everything.

Finally, know that just because he got arrested doesn’t mean he did it.
There is a woman who had a baby in the college town where I went to college. She had this baby during the time I was at the college and she has the same name as me, an unusual name. I was hounded for not paying her ambulance bill to the point that my husband sat me down and asked if I’d had a baby during that time. I hadn’t, and my husband was wonderful, though I also remember thinking “I have no way to prove to you it wasn’t me and I’m not lying”.


I was also hounded to make restitution for some bad checks this woman had written to the point that I had to get a lawyer.


How or why I was never arrested is a mystery to me. I have no way how I’d have proven to a date that I hadn’t done those things, especially now that I do have children and my body shows it. The addage “you can’t prove a negative” is very true.

Bottom line, your posting on this guy while refusing to tell us what the hell he was arrested for makes me think the two of you may deserve each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The article should include enough information that you can look up the court case Online and read charges, pleadings, etc., and determine whether charges were dropped or what. Don’t ask him about the case until you’ve done this homework. Ask a lawyer friend to help you or post what state and whether federal or state crime and I’m sure some DCUM lawyer can point you in the right direction.

I echo another PP, what makes me as concerned as the charges is the “love-Bombing”.

Read more about love-bombing at loveisrespect.org or the hotline.org

Exactly. VA, DC, and MD all have court record databases for the whole state. So, either look up the outcome or ask him about it.

+1. And if you're still interested after that then I think you have to be honest and tell him/give him a chance to explain what happened. If he freaks out or gets defensive that's a huge red flag - better to know.

Not sure how you can causally bring up his arrest record. This should end the next date pretty quickly.

Huge red flag. Be done

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be direct. You’ve been on one date with the guy, and it’s perfectly reasonable to google him. Don’t dance around it — it’s too big a deal.

This. Be direct.

I once caught a man I’d been dating for a month lying about 2 additional children and an additional marriage. He told me one ex wife, one child. How did I find out? I read his divorce papers - all of them.

Anonymous wrote:Just be direct. You’ve been on one date with the guy, and it’s perfectly reasonable to google him. Don’t dance around it — it’s too big a deal.

This. Be direct.

Just be direct. You’ve been on one date with the guy, and it’s perfectly reasonable to google him. Don’t dance around it — it’s too big a deal.

I would ask him some questions about his past in general terms to see if he brings it up. Like:

Have you ever been married
Where are you from
Have you ever been arrested
Do you take any drugs
Etc.

Or you could say, hey if I did a Google search on your name would I find anything

And see how he answers and go from there.

Anonymous wrote:The article should include enough information that you can look up the court case Online and read charges, pleadings, etc., and determine whether charges were dropped or what. Don’t ask him about the case until you’ve done this homework. Ask a lawyer friend to help you or post what state and whether federal or state crime and I’m sure some DCUM lawyer can point you in the right direction.

I echo another PP, what makes me as concerned as the charges is the “love-Bombing”.

Read more about love-bombing at loveisrespect.org or the hotline.org

Exactly. VA, DC, and MD all have court record databases for the whole state. So, either look up the outcome or ask him about it.

Don’t say a word to him until you do a more thorough research.

The article should include enough information that you can look up the court case Online and read charges, pleadings, etc., and determine whether charges were dropped or what. Don’t ask him about the case until you’ve done this homework. Ask a lawyer friend to help you or post what state and whether federal or state crime and I’m sure some DCUM lawyer can point you in the right direction.

I echo another PP, what makes me as concerned as the charges is the “love-Bombing”.

Read more about love-bombing at loveisrespect.org or the hotline.org