^^

Stop doing that.

He should not have had another child if he cannot afford the first one. He knows that.

Op here- For those saying im a horrible mother not trying to foster a relationship with my daughter’s dad because of my reaction to this, ughh! We have been separated since she was 2, i have always had an open door policy for him, he used to come and get DD in my house on weekends til new wife said she wasn't comfortable with how good my relationship was with my ex, as her parents got divorced and never spoke to each other, so she didnt want him to enter my house to pick up DD, so he would wait outside and call for her to come out, which was ridiculous but I let it slide. I find it weird to randomly call the wife when she was never formally introduced to me, we dont live in the same state and she has never made an effort to know me. Both times I met her are because I went to visit when they had a baby so I could meet the baby and introduce myself. I have done nothing less but try go support and nurture DD’s relationship with him despite numerous visit cancelations,ect. In addition, the child support he gives is minimal and i have been giving him 50% of it back every month as he kept saying it was hard for him having a wife, baby and still paying that amount yadi yada ($850) because his new job pays less money, ect so, every month I wire him back $400 on my own free will. I pay 100% of all my daughters expenses, activities, flights, insurance, needs, extra Cullicular, don’t ask him for anything. Theres been times where he said he didnt have gas money or toll money to drive and get her and I wired him the gas money! There is nothing more to the story or to my relationship or lack thereof with the wife, this is what we’ve been living for 8 years!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

^This statement shows you are NOT healthy. Your daughter has a father yet you are mentally in a state where you intend to highlight his flaws and look for reasons to get him out of your daughter's life. I believe you need therapy. Seriously. Read up about parental alienation and you will find you may be practicing it without even being aware.

The most important thing you can do as a mother is foster and support your child's relationship with her father.

Donating sperm does not a father make.

The most important thing she can do as a mother is raise a happy, healthy, confident child. The relationship with the father is so far down the importance list, it's barely on the list.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

^This statement shows you are NOT healthy. Your daughter has a father yet you are mentally in a state where you intend to highlight his flaws and look for reasons to get him out of your daughter's life. I believe you need therapy. Seriously. Read up about parental alienation and you will find you may be practicing it without even being aware.

The most important thing you can do as a mother is foster and support your child's relationship with her father.

This is such a horrible take. Absolute horsesh*t. OP, ignore this. Bitter crappy dad troll strikes again.

OP, you are a good mom and you're doing a good job while also dealing with the issue that DD's dad is a deadbeat.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

^This statement shows you are NOT healthy. Your daughter has a father yet you are mentally in a state where you intend to highlight his flaws and look for reasons to get him out of your daughter's life. I believe you need therapy. Seriously. Read up about parental alienation and you will find you may be practicing it without even being aware.

The most important thing you can do as a mother is foster and support your child's relationship with her father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No I did not speak to the wife, I don’t have a relationship with her, only met her a couple of times. Now I don’t know if im comfortable with her going there, so not going to push the issue now

Maybe how you treat her and the lack of communication is the issue. Reach out to both of them and let them know that daughter was very disappointed in missing her visit with them, would very much like to see them and what can you do to support them to make the visit happen. There is clearly more to this story. You being supportive of her could make a huge difference.

Agree. It's obvious the stepmom is being made the scapegoat here.

"...he cant take DD to his house because his wife is pregnant and didnt know he was bringing DD back with him..." Sorry, but I don't buy this for a minute. Particularly since the child this woman is carrying is half-sibling to her DD.

The fact OP states she has no relationship with this woman is telling as is the fact she indicates she is not comfortable with her daughter going there "now." IMO the OP is looking for reasons to curtail the child's contact with father and prevent any potential relationship with the dreaded stepmother.

OP, if you really want to be the bigger parent then develop a better relationship with "the wife" since your children will be related.

Anonymous wrote:No I did not speak to the wife, I don’t have a relationship with her, only met her a couple of times. Now I don’t know if im comfortable with her going there, so not going to push the issue now

Maybe how you treat her and the lack of communication is the issue. Reach out to both of them and let them know that daughter was very disappointed in missing her visit with them, would very much like to see them and what can you do to support them to make the visit happen. There is clearly more to this story. You being supportive of her could make a huge difference.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar problem with my ex. She wouldn’t work with me to schedule DS visits to me (always last minute and they went from a summer month to week to days) snd when I visited there, she’d schedule every possible appointment for DS when I was there, to interrupt our time. Happened every single trip for years.

My EX did this too!

+2 or she just would allow the visits and blame Dad.

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar problem with my ex. She wouldn’t work with me to schedule DS visits to me (always last minute and they went from a summer month to week to days) snd when I visited there, she’d schedule every possible appointment for DS when I was there, to interrupt our time. Happened every single trip for years.

My EX did this too!

No I did not speak to the wife, I don’t have a relationship with her, only met her a couple of times. Now I don’t know if im comfortable with her going there, so not going to push the issue now

Have you talked to the wife? I would reach out to both of them but include the wife and ask if there is a good time for daughter to come visit and you'd be happy to meet them at a 1/2 way point.

Thank you everyone for listening, i needed to vent but feel better. Im grateful that im healthy enough and able to take care of DD on my own and will keep it moving, knowing I can only rely on myself and keep doing what I was doing!

My niece knew by age 11 that her father is an undependable lout. Her mom did not need to tell her that. She is early 20s now and has minimal contact with her father. She is civil with him but not particularly loving.

My dad wasn’t this bad, but he definitely took my back to my mom’s on more than one occasion when I was a kid for various reasons. Sometimes it was about not having a place to stay (he often had roommates or a 1 bedroom apt) at least once it was because I was crying about something. This would have been when I was 9 or younger because we moved away after that. After we moved he cancelled a lot of visits.

Anyway I internalized a lot and defended him a lot. If you have the means, please try to get your kid to a counselor. In the meantime, vent anywhere you need to about her dad but not to her. Let her know this is not her fault, but don’t blame him.

Hugs to you and your DD.

Anonymous wrote:He didn't tell his wife? Come on. Either he's lying to you, or he had no intention of actually doing this visit. He is a terrible father and an idiot.

THIS!!!!